Friday, December 9, 2016

Rhule's appearance on 'Fixer Upper' hinted at move to Baylor

Waco, Texas--Two weeks ago, former Temple University head football coach, Matt Rhule, appeared on the hit HGTV show "Fixer Upper." The home makeover show is based in and around Waco--the home of Baylor University. Rhule left Temple earlier this week to become the head coach at the Waco university. The episode featured Rhule searching for, and purchasing a fixer upper as "an investment property" in the Waco area. Chip Gaines, one of the co-hosts of the show, and Rhule each wear headsets throughout the episode and run several football plays in the front yard at the end of the show. Co-host Joanna Gaines asks several times, "You sure you're not moving down here?" And Rhule responds, "This is just an investment property." Yesterday, the former Penn State linebacker said that he would move into the house from the episode, but that "it really was an investment property."

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Carson Wentz admits to making at least one 'Fargo' movie reference at each post-game press conference

Philadelphia--"We played like we were being put through a wood chipper today," said Eagles quarterback, Carson Wentz, after the Eagles lost to the Washington Redskins on October 16, 2016. Wentz attended North Dakota State University in Fargo, ND, and grew up in Bismark, ND. "I don't know, kinda funny looking," Wentz said when asked about some of the defensive schemes the Lions used during a game on October 9, 2016--another Eagles loss. The rookie QB said some of his more "bizarre" post-game comments have been inspired by the 1996 Coen brothers film Fargo.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Dorenbos originally planned to audition for AGT as long snapper, not magician

"I went into [America's Got Talent] to show my talents as a long snapper. You know, just snapping the football. But my act would have been the same each I went with magic," said Philadelphia Eagles' long snapper Jon Dorenbos.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Phillies must win final 17 games to avoid first losing season since 2015

To finish .500 the club must win all remaining games on the schedule. "We can do this," said one Phillies player.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Manayunk Bridge multi-use trail turning into hotbed for fishing

Phila., PA--The challenge of keeping a fish on a fishing line during the long, nearly 20-plus minutes it takes to reel a catch in from the surface of the river to the top of the bridge has drawn anglers from across the region to the almost one-year-old trail bridge. (The rail bridge was built in 1918.) "It's not the catching of the fish that brings me here," said Dan Bayles, 37, from Wellsboro, PA. "It's keeping the carp or catfish or whatever's on the hook, well... on the hook while I reel it in." Planners from both sides of the Schuylkill did not anticipate the popularity of fishing from the bridge. "It's just too damn high," said Porter McLaughlin, a transportation planner for Philadelphia's northwest neighborhoods. "You're not even allowed to fish from the bridge. It's just too damn high." The first annual Manayunk Bridge Fishing tournament will be held over the weekend of September 17-18, 2016. "Anyone caught fishing from the bridge will be prosecuted," said Captain and Second Lieutenant, Adrian Sillenger of the Manayunk Police Department.   

Friday, July 29, 2016

Thursday, July 14, 2016

MARC working diligently with SEPTA to remove crab cake odor from upholstory of rented cars

Above: A MARC (Maryland Area Regional Commuter) train arrives at Hart-Miller Island Station in Maryland. SEPTA has rented five train cars from MARC to help offset losing one-third of its regional rail fleet due to cracks in the cars' suspension systems. The MARC trains were put into service in Philadelphia on Monday and almost immediately passengers and conductors knew something was "off." "The entire car smells like crab cakes," said one SEPTA conductor. "I'm allergic to seafood." SEPTA contacted MARC about the crab cake odor and is seeking a reduction in rent from nearly $20,000 per week to $15,000 per week for the coaches if the problem persists. "I love crab cakes," said one SEPTA official, "but they're not for every one." The MARC coaches will be power washed and shampooed at the Overbrook Maintenance Facility and out of service for the next four weeks.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Friday, July 8, 2016

Indian Railways has solution to SEPTA's regional rail woes

Above: An Indian Railways train arrives in Dhanushkodi Rama Sethu Point station. After taking one-third of its regional rail fleet out of service, SEPTA plans to meet with Indian Railway officials to assist in prepping its remaining cars for passengers to ride on the outside of trains. "They are the world leader in exterior train travel," said one SEPTA official. "Or, ETT, as it's known in the business."

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Scheduling conflict: Andrea Bocelli concert to be played between 2nd & 3rd periods of Stanley Cup Final game 3

San Jose, CA--After eighteen hours of intense negotiations, recording artist Andrea Bocelli and the NHL's San Jose Sharks came up with a compromise to the scheduling conflict at the SAP Center for Saturday, June 4. Bocelli is scheduled to perform at the nearly 18,000-seat arena on this night, but the deep playoff run by the Sharks into the Stanley Cup Final--their first-ever appearance--now has the team hosting the Pittsburgh Penguins on the same date. The two sides have agreed to both play in the center on the same night. At the conclusion of the second period, hockey fans will exit the building to make way for Bocelli concert ticketholders. The Italian tenor will play for thirty-five minutes, then, after a likely extended encore, the SAP will be emptied again for Sharks fans to re-enter for the third period. "It will probably be about an hour and fifteen minutes of intermission time," said one nervous NHL official. "It's going to be tricky, but we'll pull it off."

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Villanova Champs: University brought in 'around 30' older model BMWs, Porsches, Land Rovers for students to turnover

The university worked with state and local police to bring in older model luxury cars for students to flip over in case the men's basketball team captured the national championship on Monday night. The university also offered a 2-hour course on Sunday covering how to safely overturn a vehicle. (The course was non-credit.) "We wanted safe celebrations," said one school official. "It was a huge, safe success."

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Sixers announce 'Tank' Night for March 17

Philadelphia--The Sixers announced the latest addition to the 2015-16 promotional schedule at the Wells Fargo Center will take place on March 17, versus the Washington Wizards. No, not green backboards or green rims to celebrate St Patrick's Day. Rather, to mark the 32nd anniversary of the release of the critically acclaimed film Tank, the Sixes will hold "Tank Night." On March 16, 1984, Tank hit the big screen featuring stars: James Garner, C. Thomas Howell, Jenilee Harrison, Shirley Jones, G. D. Spradlin, and James Cromwell, to name a few. The film received thirty-seven Oscar nominations, and took home thirty-six statues. All fans ages fifteen and over will receive a C. Thomas Howell 76ers jersey. The actor will take part in the ceremonial jump ball to begin the game by tossing the ball from the turret of a 1944 Sherman tank at center court. At halftime, 600 lucky fans will have the chance to help pull the 30-ton, WWII relic the length of the court via steel cable. The team also announced that to "fire up the crowd" during the game, the Jumbotron will show the movie clip with C. Thomas Howell saying. "He's my dad, and I love him. And if anyone tries to hurt him...I will blow them away." ("Sixers" will be dubbed over "dad.") Jenilee Harrison and Jennifer Garner--no relation to James--will launch "Sixers Tanking" t-shirts into the crowd throughout the first and third quarters.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Super Bowl: Kayakers already claiming positions on waterway next to Levi's Stadium

Santa Clara, CA--The narrow, shallow San Tomas Aquinas Creek runs adjacent to Levi's Stadium at the southern end of San Francisco Bay. It is often called McCovey Cove South (Montana Cove has not caught on yet), referring to the part of the bay beyond the outfield wall of AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants, where watercraft enthusiasts gather during the local nine's home games. Despite its small size, the San Tomas Aquinas Creek is expected to host hundreds, if not thousands, of kayakers on Sunday for Super Bowl 50. "I don't know," said Gary Mateo, a San Jose resident and 49ers fan, "what if a football is kicked or passed over the stands or something and into the creek? I want to recover that ball." The view from the creek's surface is not great, but water-loving fans meet just south of the Tasman Dr. overpass for many 49ers home games. "I come with my stand up paddle board for every game--standing gives a little better view of the Field of Jeans," said Mark Dallas, a programmer from Redwood City, CA. "I have recovered four home run balls in McCovey Cove. Now ... I want a football." One football fan will use a crane to lower a pontoon party boat into the creek on Saturday morning. "I can't wait. I confirmed the crane yesterday and I went food shopping this morning. I'm set," said the Oakland Raiders fan who would not give his name. "However, I do need a fishing net to recover any footballs that come our way."

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Report: Temple seeking to partner with Oakland Raiders on 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium in North Philadelphia

North Philadelphia--Several transit riders spotted Mark Davis exiting the Broad Street Subway at the Cecil B. Moore Station yesterday on the Temple University campus, where a man standing on the platform in a dark suit held a sign that read, "M. Davis." The two quickly climbed into a waiting Cooper Mini limousine at the surface and drove north on Broad St. Davis is the majority owner of the Oakland Raiders, son of legendary late owner, Al Davis. The Bay Area team team is looking for a new stadium, and a recent proposal to return the organization (as well as the Chargers) to Los Angeles is apparently dead. Yesterday, Temple officials half-heartedly denied reports that the university was looking to partner with the Raiders on a 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium at the center of campus (map above). "[Temple] loathes the situation at the Linc, so why would we seek out another NFL team?" said one school official, referring to the current lease agreement with the Eagles in South Philadelphia at Lincoln Financial Field. The report also hinted that a retractable roof is desired--by a certain school president--to make Temple a legitimate candidate to host future Super Bowls. Notes: The new Snohetta-designed library may be located at the site of the former William Penn High School. The planned expansive campus green will be located in Fairmont Park.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Contract requires Kelly to wear jeans during 49ers home games

Updated Levi's Stadium agreement calling for entire coaching staff to sport Levi's new skinny jean style.