A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Monday, March 31, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Michigan, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin discuss adding humpback whales to Lake Michigan to spark 'some sort of whale-watching industry'
Though the fresh water lake cannot support the large mammals the four states feel it is "worth a shot."
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
2015 pope visit in jeopardy after Nutter, Corbett present His Holiness with 2-day-old cheesesteak, stale pretzels
The Philadelphia Mayor and PA Governor are in Vatican City to meet with Pope Francis to encourage the catholic leader to visit the city in September 2015 during the World Meeting of Families. The pontiff, wanting to be polite to the visiting delegation--who presented a "satchel of Philly gifts"--broke two teeth while biting into a rock-hard pretzel.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Citing high costs to repair floors, schools across country banning popular bobsled shoe fashion trend
Minneapolis--The XXII Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, ended nearly one month ago, but the games' ability to set global trends is running (er, skating) at full speed. One of the bigger fashion trends to emerge from the seaside resort town, in the shadow of the Caucus Mountains, was the bobsled shoe as casual footwear. Yes, the same shoes designed to provide built, sprinting athletes pushing bulky sleds with traction on ice are being worn by the "average Joe" to carryout everyday activities. One major problem has resulted, however, from school-aged children sporting the spiked gear.: floor damage. "We're not talking a few scrapes here," said Edward Johanson, principal at Bloomington Middle School in Bloomington, Minnesota. "I absolutely love that our children were inspired by the fantastic Winter Olympic Games. I love their passion. But the spikes are wreaking havoc on floors, and nearly all of the flooring in the school now needs replacing. Let's not even talk about the basketball court." This is not an isolated incident, as schools--malls, restaurants, and offices--across the country and around the world have started banning the metal-spiked bobsled shoes.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Not a Pop Up Gas Station: Opportunity for high-density, mixed-use development out as pumps go in at 19th & Walnut St
Fuel, coffee set to flow
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Report: Malaysian officials question Ashton Kutcher, producers of Punk'd
As the search for Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 entered its 10th day, investigators followed up on "the best lead we have so far." The lead? A tweet sent late last night by @TheBeerKeg6401 read: "Yo, what if miss plane part of upcoming Punk'd season? #370 #notcool"
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sixers coping: Team treating losing streak like winning streak, but not the good kind of winning streak
"We're trying to look at this losing streak like a winning streak...so that it's a little bit easier to deal with," said one player about the club's sixteen losses in a row. "But, it's the kind of winning streak that you want to end. I know that sounds weird, but it helps...a little bit. It makes us sound like we've won sixteen straight. Does that make sense?"
Sunday, March 9, 2014
City: 'There are no potholes, only thousands of archaeological digs'
Did the city officially declare all potholes to be historic excavation sites in order to skirt repair responsibilities?
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Temple reinstates crew; baseball to play upcoming (and final) season at (baseball-unfriendly) Lincoln Financial Field
Having the baseball team play at the football-only Linc will save the school thousands of dollars in transportation costs to Ambler, PA, but will make for some very high scoring games. "It's gonna be a wild home campaign," said one player, referring to the "pathetically short" distance down the left field line.
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