Attempt to go green turns red: Budweiser Clydesdales crushed to death pulling NJ Transit's RiverLine

The transit agency and the macro brewery agreed not to hold the sustainability awareness promotion again after all eight horses were run over by the massive rail car while attempting to negotiate a slight downhill grade.

Glue made from the horses will be used to make the needed minor repairs to the passenger rail car. "They are strong horses but not very fast," said one passenger.

U.S. Anti-Doping Agency strips Armstrong of 'First Man on Moon' title

The U.S.A.D.A. claims the astronaut, who passed away on Saturday, had a 'significant' role in pro cycling's doping culture. Armstrong's popular 'space medicines' were widely distributed among professional riders. The family members of the infamous astronaut say they will not contest the agency's ruling. 'Because of the scandal, Armstrong will now be known as the sixth man on the moon,' said one official.

Green Lantern's final wish carried out

Superhero Green Lantern, who passed away last week after 70 plus years of fighting crime locally and globally, had his final wish carried out by the Fairmount Park Commission yesterday.

Lantern,98, was born and spent most of his down time on Green Street in the city's Fairmount neighborhood. "He was a good guy. He frequently stopped by to borrow a cup of spinach or a cup of green butter. I would always tell him,'I don't have green butter,'" said neighbor, Kyle Piller.

Before expiring Lantern asked that the fountain in Love Park be dyed green with his ashes as a remembrance to his longtime friend the Jolly Green Giant. Jolly Green passed several weeks before Lantern in a motorcycle accident while vacationing in the South of Greenland.

Lantern had this to say about Jolly:"Though he didn't fight crime the way I did, or really at all for that matter. Jolly stood taller than most. Yeah, he was real tall."

The Fairmount Park Commission was able to bring in the Hulk for the dying ceremony. The Hulk had never met Jolly or Lantern and was very cordial during the two hour tribute.

The Phillie Phanatic turned the switch that sent the fountain, and the ashes, into the air as the crowd cheered and cried at the same time. "Both of these guys were good guys," said former Phillies pitcher, Tommy Greene.

The FPC admitted that green dye numbers 46-53 had to be added along with the ashes to generate the proper "eye catching" shade of green.

Obituary: Man who invented twist tie dies

Yesterday, at 104 years old, George Hinson passed away from natural causes in his Ft Washington, PA estate. Hinson is most well remembered for his contribution to the bag sealing industry.

In 1923, at the age of 20, Hinson came up with the idea for the twist tie after he twisted his ankle in a game of bouncy bouncy wall ball, a popular Philadelphia-area street game.

In a 1989, interview Hinson noted,"We needed something to keep those darn bread bags closed so the air wouldn't get in and the bread wouldn't get out."

On that warm summer day just after he had twisted his ankle the idea hit him that "a wire coated in a smooth material could be twisted around the opening of a bread bag and then untwisted and then twisted again." Before the twist tie vines and cat tails had been used to keep bags closed.

His great grandson Dale said he spoke to his ailing great grandfather on Saturday and the senior couldn't believe that the twist tie was "still going strong." Dale laughed,"Grandpa said he thought that by now one would be able to keep bags closed with e-mail." Obviously, George Hinson was losing his mind. The twist tie fortune will be left to his surviving relatives with a small portion going to the Bouncy Bouncy Wall Ball Federation.