Global warming spurs Maine to woo MLB teams to relocate spring training facilities

Augusta, ME--Officials from Maine, one the northern most states in the U.S., are attempting to lure Major League Baseball teams to relocate spring training facilities from Florida and Arizona to "The Pine Tree State." "We're anticipating that by 2028 winters [in Maine] will last about a week or two in January and that February and March will be perfect baseball weather for teams to set up facilities in Maine--especially along the coast," said Bethany Rose, Maine's vice president of Spring Training in Maine, a quasi-governmental group tasked with "Bringing MLB Spring Training to the state of Maine." The Miami Marlins are reportedly "very interested" and have looked at a possible stadium site on Monhegan Island and on Moosehead Lake.  

Polar Vortex: 'Ice Road Truckers' cancels filming for drive from Chicago to Michigan over Lake Michigan: ice is too thick, 'absolutely' no drama

Calif. drought: Wind wreaks havoc on waterless water balloon fight at child's birthday party

Report: NJ, PA awarded $20 million grant to remove 'any and all lopsided' ice chunks from Delaware River

7 feet of snow: Buffalo area school districts forced to grant first two-hour delay opening in 78 years

Above: A wall of snow moves inland from unfrozen Lake Erie in western New York state on November 18, 2014. Parts of Erie, Cattaraugus, and Chautauqua Counties, south of Buffalo, received nearly seven feet of snow from the intense, slow-moving band of precipitation. The region, which annually receives huge amounts of lake effect snow, was forced to open schools two hours late during the most intense part of the storm. "I think seven feet of snow is enough to have a two-hour delayed opening," said Eileen McAntyre, Superintendent of Hamburg (NY) Area School District. "[Residents of western New York] are used to snow and I really hope I don't come across as a wimp for opening two hours late. It's been 78 years since the last delayed school opening in this area." 

Several Braves employees hospitalized after attempting to show new suburban stadium site is 'definitively walkable' from downtown Atlanta

Cobb County, GA--The Braves will unveil a new, suburban stadium in 2017, fleeing Turner Field--a product of the 1996 Olympics--and the city of Atlanta for a 60-acre site nearly 15 miles northwest of the Georgia capital. To show the location is "not as remote as everyone thinks," the team organized a walk on Wednesday with twelve employees from the urban center to the intersection of I-285 and I-75--mall country. "We feel that our new locale is easily accessible on foot for our Atlanta city proper fans," said Dave Sandine, the team's logistics statistics manager of logistics. "And, we wanted to emphatically demonstrate that 'walkability.'" Front office staff joined with beer vendors and program sales staff for the five-hour hike along the shoulder of chaotic Interstate 75. The heat and honking 18-wheelers proved too much for ten of the dozen brave Braves, requiring hospital visits but no overnight stays. Two employees completed the journey but sported severe sunburns as a result. "I, uh, could, um...easily, uh, do that walk four or five...um, times a week. Whoa, who's got water?" said a very out of breath Jessica Gilmore, a Turner Field hot dog slinger from Savannah.

City: 'There are no potholes, only thousands of archaeological digs'

Did the city officially declare all potholes to be historic excavation sites in order to skirt repair responsibilities? 

Real potholes force city to abandon $10M fake pothole speed reduction program

Philadelphia-- The synthetic potholes quickly unroll onto the street and appear as authentic potholes, which was supposed to be a cost-effective approach to slow down motorists on targeted city streets. "The problem now is that there are just so many real potholes because of this winter's need for constant snow plowing and the freezing and thawing. So...when one of our fake holes sits right next to a real pothole, there just is no comparison. They just look silly...really silly. The real potholes have ruined our fake pothole program. [The City] is in the process of removing all the fake holes and will be auctioning them off on eBay. As soon as all the fake holes are removed and sold, we will begin repairing the real holes," said Gary Bensonton, an official with the Roads and Streets Division of the Philadelphia Association of Streets and Roads.

City, state reminding residents that fishing license still required for pothole fishing

Philadelphia--City and State officials "sternly" reminded residents that fishing in potholes is no different than casting a line from a lake or river's edge: you need a fishing license. For nearly fifteen years Pennsylvania has stocked sizable potholes throughout the state with a healthy variety of fish to "make the best of often horrible winter road conditions." The plan aimed to extend the fishing season, attract more anglers, and, in turn, increase license numbers, which would help pay for pothole repair during the spring season. "Fishing enthusiasts are forgetting or ignoring fees when it comes to potholes," said Doyle Grey, a representative at the PA Fish and Boat Association & Commission. "Sadly, people are like, 'Oh, it's a pothole, I don't have to worry about a license. Look at me, look how I ignore the rules.' It's frustrating. This money will help smooth out the potholes in the warmer months." A PA license runs $22.70 for adults between the ages of 16 to 64.

Power company reminding public to 'use extreme caution' when moving downed, live wires

"If the wires are sparking and smoking, please--I cannot stress this enough--use gloves or an old rag when grabbing the lines," said one local power company official. "Make sure the gloves or rags are dry."

Polar Vortex: Coast Guard: Tapping from inside iced-over lighthouse has ceased, tapping machine AA batteries likely dead

Ice sculptor never once mentioned ice sculpting to Home Depot employees when purchasing new chainsaw

"He mentioned cutting down trees and branches and cutting up old boards, but never once mentioned ice sculpting," said one store associate who happened to be in the audience at a local Winterfest ice sculpting contest where he watched in amazement as the customer carved a block of ice. "Life is always full of surprises--it really is."

Thanksgiving Nor'easter: Airport passenger stranded since Sandy tells those delayed to 'quit their whining'

"This is the second Thanksgiving I've spent in this airport," said the passenger. "This tent has been home for thirteen months; so, please, don't complain about your two-hour delay. I went from being a customer at Cinnabon to working part-time there. Now, that's a delay."

China to finally provide 'real aid' to Philippines: Will put on free 'gymnastics extravaganza' for typhoon victims

Hong Kong--The nation of over one billion people was sharply criticized for not launching its state-of-the-art hospital ship soon after Typhoon Haiyan hit and devastated much of the Philippines on November 7, killing nearly 5,000. Many cited the current dispute between the two countries over territory in the South China Sea for keeping the 15,000 ton vessel in port and only pledging $200,000 in aid (while other nations--near and far--donated millions). But the media's censure of the Chinese government quickly turned to praise after the nation decided to hold a free "gymnastics extravaganza" in the hard hit city of Tacloban. "[Chinese government officials] were wrong not to get involved more with providing relief for the disaster in the Philippines," said one Chinese official in an article that appeared in yesterday's The Peoples' Paper of the People. "China will hold an outdoor free gymnastics showcase event in Tacloban to lift the spirits of the millions displaced by the mega-typhoon. Though the event is free, we would still like all attendees to register online and print a ticket and bring it with them to the site, which is still yet to be determined." Filipinos and their government were thrilled and thankful that China "was finally joining the relief effort on the appropriate scale."

Barge ice skating rink will not return to Schuylkill Banks this winter

City officials claim the sometimes choppy river waters caused the barge to be unsteady, which made skating very difficult and dangerous at times.  

NBC10, meteorologist emphatically deny bow tie used as message to fellow meteorologist

"Meteorologist Sheena Parveen wearing a bow tie during ads and broadcasts was not meant to send a message to chief meteorologist Glenn Schwartz," said one NBC10 station manager. "It was meant to be fun and light-hearted. This whole thing has been blown way, way out of proportion. The bow tie is Glenn's thing, I clearly get that now. We are all just sick over this and hope things can return to normal as quickly as possible."

High Line's new curling sheet to keep park users cool during summer heat

Manhattan--When the plan to install several above-ground pools on the popular High Line elevated park fizzled out in the fall after strong opposition from park users, politicians, and, well, pretty much every one else, officials for the one-mile-long greenway--often teeming with crowds--scrambled to come up with an alternative project. The pools were intended to provide a way for people to keep cool during the sometimes scorching New York humid summers. "We were ready to just scrap any sort of plan for this summer when one of the interns mentioned curling. She said, 'Hey, what about installing a curling court on the lawn to help keep things cool?'" said Elaine Trumwell, president of Friends of Friends of the High Line (a subsidiary of Friends of the High Line). The curling sheet--not a court--was installed over the course of three weeks in late April and early May and has been very well received thus far. Every Thursday and Friday evening from May through August, Friends of Friends of the High Line sponsors prominent curling match-ups between the sport's most talented stone sliders. "On hot days I can read a book while sitting on the curling sheet, and two nights a week I can catch some of the world's best athletes compete right on the High Line," said Dennis Chalmers, 52, of Chelsea. Others were upset about the cold, new neighbor and how it  transforms a tranquil segment of the park into a meeting place for rowdy curling fans. "The lawn was supposed to be a place to gather and just relax," said Karen Andersen, 39, of Hoboken, NJ. "Do we really need curling competitions on the High Line? I mean, seriously?"

Ship captain: 'I had planned to go down with her, but I have little patience for a sinking that drags on like that. I mean, c'mon.'

Amtrak reports snow-clearing train slowly (very slowly) making way through Connecticut, passengers getting free coffee

Milford, CT--The 2013 blizzard--Nemo, to the good folks at the Weather Channel--is gone, but the dig-out for much of New England continues. Part of the digging out process includes clearing the Amtrak and Metro-North passenger rail lines in the southern part of the state. Amtrak is very close to restoring service between New York and Boston thanks to the AmTrachea, a massive, three-engine powered train snow blower. "The AmTrachea is the pride and joy of our East Coast snow-clearing fleet," said Don Hammersmith, Amtrak's severe weather coordinator. "The only drawback is that she's old and, well, a bit slow." Actually, the huge train snow blower makes an injured snail look fast. The train left the rail yards in Queens and headed north on Saturday early afternoon. Saturday! The plow has yet to make it to New Haven, which is just 75 miles away. Amtrak attached several passenger cars onto the rear of the blower to subsidize its high cost of operation. "We didn't really properly inform the passengers about the extreme time length of the journey," said Hammersmith. "So, we reduced the prices on certain snacks and gave free coffee in the cafe car."

Residents of town just missed by blizzard uploading thousands of photos to internet anyway