Global warming spurs Maine to woo MLB teams to relocate spring training facilities

Augusta, ME--Officials from Maine, one the northern most states in the U.S., are attempting to lure Major League Baseball teams to relocate spring training facilities from Florida and Arizona to "The Pine Tree State." "We're anticipating that by 2028 winters [in Maine] will last about a week or two in January and that February and March will be perfect baseball weather for teams to set up facilities in Maine--especially along the coast," said Bethany Rose, Maine's vice president of Spring Training in Maine, a quasi-governmental group tasked with "Bringing MLB Spring Training to the state of Maine." The Miami Marlins are reportedly "very interested" and have looked at a possible stadium site on Monhegan Island and on Moosehead Lake.  

Government Shutdown: Baggage handlers filling in for air traffic controllers 'perform impeccably' losing only twenty-seven planes nationwide

Local developer uses 'opera-tunity' 26 times during press conference unveiling redeveloped opera house

Philadelphia--The Opera House on North Broad Street has a new life as the Met Philadelphia: a 3,500-seat theater for all kinds of entertainment. Built in 1908 by Oscar Hammerstein, the theater sits at Broad Street and Poplar Street. Large crowds recently gathered at the site during the ribbon-cutting ceremony. "It's such an amazing building," said the local developer in charge of revamping the historic structure. "I looked at it and thought it was such a great opera-tunity." There was a smattering of chuckles across the audience of media members and politicians seated in the gleaming new lobby. "It's such an honor to bring a building such as this one back to life--a real...opera-tunity. The Delaware Valley and beyond will have the opera-tunity to see a wide range of shows at this beautiful facility." The final count of "opera-tunity" reached twenty-six by the time the developer finished addressing the audience.

Statue commemorates not only Lincoln's conquest of public speaking phobia but 'all politicians'

Valley Forge, PA--Abraham Lincoln's severe public speaking phobia was recently highlighted in the New York Times best-selling book Puddle at Gettysburg by David McCullough. Last month, a new statue was erected to honor Lincoln's struggles when addressing large audiences. "The new statue (pictured above), Puddle of Nerves, honors not just the 16th President of the United States, but all politicians that have overcome the fear of public speaking. Many prominent politicians throughout history have suffered from debilitating glossophobia," said Gail Sinclair, Chief Operation Officer of the Valley Forge History Corporation--a for-profit history company.

Group of unpaid Amazon interns in charge of selecting company's HQ2 location 'like, hundo p bored with reviewing all 238 proposals'

Report: Morgan Freeman did not give DNC permission to use voice on Hillary intro video

Hillary camp claims video narration done by Frank Caliendo. Comedian denies allowing Dems to use Freeman impression.

Christie makes good on bet: Completes Lambeau Leap but injures at least 30 Packer fans

The New Jersey governor promised to leap into the Lambeau Field stands if the Cowboys lost to the Packers. 

Rick Perry upset after Wisconsin governor bypasses Texas governor, makes friendly governor Cowboys-Packers bet with Christie

New Jersey says 2014 beach tag sales 'way up' after state authorized tag checkers to carry small handguns

World Cup: New Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) system debuts just in time for all-important weekend after major soccer tournament ends

"It was a nail-biter," said Adao Juan Felipe, Brazil's deputy of transit infrastructure. "We really pushed, we didn't think having the BRT completed in time for the weekend after the World Cup ended was feasible. It's a credit to all involved."

City: 'There are no potholes, only thousands of archaeological digs'

Did the city officially declare all potholes to be historic excavation sites in order to skirt repair responsibilities? 

City, state reminding residents that fishing license still required for pothole fishing

Philadelphia--City and State officials "sternly" reminded residents that fishing in potholes is no different than casting a line from a lake or river's edge: you need a fishing license. For nearly fifteen years Pennsylvania has stocked sizable potholes throughout the state with a healthy variety of fish to "make the best of often horrible winter road conditions." The plan aimed to extend the fishing season, attract more anglers, and, in turn, increase license numbers, which would help pay for pothole repair during the spring season. "Fishing enthusiasts are forgetting or ignoring fees when it comes to potholes," said Doyle Grey, a representative at the PA Fish and Boat Association & Commission. "Sadly, people are like, 'Oh, it's a pothole, I don't have to worry about a license. Look at me, look how I ignore the rules.' It's frustrating. This money will help smooth out the potholes in the warmer months." A PA license runs $22.70 for adults between the ages of 16 to 64.

Minneapolis tells Vikings to 'get one more year out of Metrodome'

The team was scheduled to play at the University of Minnesota's stadium for two years while the new stadium was being constructed.

Christie officials claim pics of Gov. physically blocking eight lanes of GW Bridge traffic 'probably, no, definitely Photoshopped'

SEPTA restarts construction of Broad Street Trolley after state passes $2.3 billion transportation bill

Above: In August 2012, workers were rapidly laying track for the new Broad Street Trolley Line in South Philadelphia near the stadium complex. SEPTA abruptly suspended the project last year, which will run from Pattison Avenue to Fern Rock Transportation Center when complete--a distance of nearly ten miles--after failing to secure needed funding to continue construction. The financial problem was (surprisingly?) solved after Pennsylvania passed a $2.3 billion (multi-modal) transportation bill at the end of November. "The passing of that bill saved the Broad Street Trolley Line," said Jim Copperfield, managing co-director of rail expansion at SEPTA. "The new line--I don't even want to mention the total cost--will provide a second great option for transit users to negotiate the City's main north-south thoroughfare. It will complement the Broad Street Subway, which already covers the exact same route...but underground. We really needed this bill passed to resume this rail project." Work began on the line in June 2012, between Pattison Avenue and Mifflin Street, where one and a half miles of track were put in place by the end of that summer. The new trolley will effectively replace the former C Bus route, which at one time provided a surface transit option for Broad Street. Not everyone is on board with the plan: "Broad Street has the subway, it DOES NOT need a trolley--period," said PA Senator Allen Bourne. "These funds should be used to provide hourly hovercraft service along the Schuylkill River to ease congestion on the [I-76] Expressway."

Website difficulties solved: 'Ummm, yeah...so...it's HealthCare.net, not HealthCare.gov. Our bad.'

"One day, we'll all look back on this whole health care website problem stuff and have a good hearty laugh about it," said Heath and Human Service Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. 

Court rules New Jersey must release slogans to public that were not 'Stronger than the Storm'

The Garden State received $25 million in federal money for the marketing campaign. The government wants to know the slogans that did not make the cut. The state said "Stronger than the Store" and "Stronger than the Storn" were cut simply because they did not make much sense. "Ain't Nobody got Time for That" was reportedly among the ten final choices. "Hungrier than the Storm," "Hey, Sandy, they're called Jetties," and "Powerfuler than the Storm" were voted out early on in the selection process. Officials in Trenton said a full list of eliminated slogans will be posted on the state website by late next week.

Report: Chase offered NY over $50 million to sponsor bike-sharing

New York City--Citibank paid $41 million dollars to be the main sponsor for New York's controversial bike-share program for five years. Citi Bike, a collection of 6,000 blue bicycles scattered over lower Manhattan and parts of Brooklyn, allows commuting Big Applers to take short (no more than 45 minutes) trips from strategically placed bike station to strategically placed bike station. Chicago-based Chase Bank reportedly offered nearly $50 million for the naming rights to the country's largest bike-share program, but was turned down by the city. "In the end we simply felt that the word Chase--Chase Bike or Bike Chase--would become a running joke and perhaps lead to unsafe riding and driving conditions: either by bikes chasing bikes, bikes chasing cars, cars chasing bikes, pedestrians chasing bikes, or bikes chasing pedestrians. We lost a few million bucks by not going with Chase, but we feel we may have saved a whole lot of lives," explained Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

City to food trucks: Achieve at least 5 miles to the gallon by 2015

Under Greenworks Philadelphia, the city's sustainability plan implemented in the spring of 2009,  food trucks have increased fuel efficiency from 0.7 miles per gallon to two miles to the gallon by 2010, and 3.5 by 2011 on average. In 2012, the average fuel efficiency actually dropped to 3.2 miles per gallon.

Philadelphia Zoo opens new parking garage using lions: big cats prefer own claws to awkward giant scissors when cutting ribbon

"We worked with the lions for weeks to use the giant scissors during the ribbon-cutting ceremony," said one zoo official. "We spent a lot of money on scissor training. I actually thought they were getting really good at using the scissors. Curling their paws and whatnot. Well, I guess you just have to laugh."