Global warming spurs Maine to woo MLB teams to relocate spring training facilities

Augusta, ME--Officials from Maine, one the northern most states in the U.S., are attempting to lure Major League Baseball teams to relocate spring training facilities from Florida and Arizona to "The Pine Tree State." "We're anticipating that by 2028 winters [in Maine] will last about a week or two in January and that February and March will be perfect baseball weather for teams to set up facilities in Maine--especially along the coast," said Bethany Rose, Maine's vice president of Spring Training in Maine, a quasi-governmental group tasked with "Bringing MLB Spring Training to the state of Maine." The Miami Marlins are reportedly "very interested" and have looked at a possible stadium site on Monhegan Island and on Moosehead Lake.  

Phillies must win final 17 games to avoid first losing season since 2015

To finish .500 the club must win all remaining games on the schedule. "We can do this," said one Phillies player.

Pat Burrell enters Phillies Wall of Fame as a Giant

Year in Review: Braves to offer ticket discounts, giveaways for all fans arriving in single-occupant vehicles (SOV) after move to new suburban stadium in 2017

"We're offering huge incentives if you drive by yourself to the games. Are you and three friends coming to a game? Well, take four cars to the new stadium. Relax, we'll be in the 'burbs," explained one Braves front office employee.

World Series: Pence, Bumgarner urging celebrating Giants fans to disperse from overloaded Golden Gate Bridge

Above: Social media led hundreds of thousands of Giants fans to converge on the Golden Gate Bridge soon after the team's victory parade ended in downtown San Francisco on Friday, October 31, 2014. Engineers became concerned after the curved roadway began to flatten and pleaded with authorities to disperse the crowd as quickly as possible. San Francisco Police and Marin County officials called on Giants players to help out and ask the fanatics to peacefully vacate the 77-year-old suspension bridge. Outfielder Hunter Pence and pitcher Madison Bumgarner appeared in a 60-second television public service announcement earlier today: "Hey, guys. Yeah, you guys on the bridge. We want you all to enjoy the World Series and celebrate responsibly. So, could you do us a favor and get off the bridge. Please, get off the bridge. All you have to is...get off the bridge. Hey, you there on the bridge...get off the bridge." The two stars of the championship series then turned "Get off the Bridge" into a catchy jingle and promised "Get off the Bridge" t-shirts for all who...get off the bridge.  

Thousands of fans patiently waiting at PHL Int'l to greet Taney after tough elimination loss unaware team spending weekend in Williamsport...and that squad travels by bus

Several Braves employees hospitalized after attempting to show new suburban stadium site is 'definitively walkable' from downtown Atlanta

Cobb County, GA--The Braves will unveil a new, suburban stadium in 2017, fleeing Turner Field--a product of the 1996 Olympics--and the city of Atlanta for a 60-acre site nearly 15 miles northwest of the Georgia capital. To show the location is "not as remote as everyone thinks," the team organized a walk on Wednesday with twelve employees from the urban center to the intersection of I-285 and I-75--mall country. "We feel that our new locale is easily accessible on foot for our Atlanta city proper fans," said Dave Sandine, the team's logistics statistics manager of logistics. "And, we wanted to emphatically demonstrate that 'walkability.'" Front office staff joined with beer vendors and program sales staff for the five-hour hike along the shoulder of chaotic Interstate 75. The heat and honking 18-wheelers proved too much for ten of the dozen brave Braves, requiring hospital visits but no overnight stays. Two employees completed the journey but sported severe sunburns as a result. "I, uh, could, um...easily, uh, do that walk four or five...um, times a week. Whoa, who's got water?" said a very out of breath Jessica Gilmore, a Turner Field hot dog slinger from Savannah.

Cubs give Sosa incorret address on invitation for Wrigley Field's 100th Anniversary celebration

"The invitation said the Wrigley Field 100th Anniversary celebration and festivities would be held at the White Sox' stadium on the south side of Chicago, which I thought was kind of weird--actually, very weird," said slugger Sammy Sosa, a Cub from 1992 to 2004. "But I went anyway, and the Sox were very confused but were glad to have me. They let me sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "Happy Birthday." I had a pretty good time."

Happy 100th, Wrigley Field: Cubs announce plans for new Wrigley Dome--The Friendly Indoor/Outdoor Confines

Chicago--Wrigley Dome, a baseball-only, retractable-roof stadium, to be constructed on the present site of Wrigley Field on West Addison Street, will seat 35,000 fans. The controversial project, set to break ground in September, will require the demolition of the historic field and hundreds of neighboring homes. The organization feels diehard Cubs fans will come to love the sleek, artificial turf facility. "This is SkyDome mixed with a pinch of Veterans Stadium, a hint of Three Rivers Stadium, a dash of Riverfront Stadium, a splash of RFK Stadium, and a smattering of Metrodome. It's a super-baseball park created with elements from some of the sport's greatest venues of the past. Sure, we'll keep the ivy on the outfield wall, but it'll be artificial ivy. You know what I mean?" said one Cubs official. The rooftop bleachers will also survive: in the new Cubs Museum under section 214 as a permanent, virtual exhibit. The dome will take two years to complete, during which time the team will play all eighty-one home games at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's Memorial Stadium--a football stadium to be (sort of) retrofitted for professional baseball. 

MLB: Original rooftop bleachers at Shibe Park 'thoroughly' complied with all modern safety standards

Above: Railings and fire exits were "Photoshopped out of the historic 1914 Shibe Park image for aesthetic purposes." A Major League Baseball representative: "Trust me, it wasn't like fans were just climbing onto rooftops chaotically and unsupervised. There was a process: ascend shaky wooden ladders and traverse narrow, unstable wooden planks in the rear of the row home to reach the first level. Then--usually with the help of alcohol--scramble up a fraying rope to hoist oneself up to the top roof level and the awaiting bleachers, which were constructed over the course of a weekend by the homeowner and a neighbor down the street who was recently fired from the local saw mill for stealing wood to make rooftop bleachers."

Learning new MLB instant replay rules the hard way: Managers, teams spent 'thousands of dollars' on custom-made challenge flags for opening day

Halladay retires: Pitcher's one day contract with Blue Jays could reach $3 million with incentives

Braves moving to Atlanta suburbs: Turner Field to get expansion MLB franchise in 2017

Cardinals fans loudly boo 85-year-old St Louis native Maya Angelou for attempting to leave extra-inning NLCS game early

"I made it to the 11th inning, that's all I could do," said the renowned author and poet about her early departure from the 13-inning, 3-2 Cardinals victory. The fired-up crowd also taunted actor Jon Hamm and tennis great Jimmy Connors for heading to the exits after the 10th inning. The team's owner and the mayor of St Louis each apologized to the celebrities and offered free tickets to Game 2.

Exhausted Phillies fan finally breaks into uncontrollable laughter over lost season, excuses self from yoga class

'Huge' Ryan Braun fan cannot look shaver directly in the blades

Though totally distraught, the fan refuses to remove the tiny custom made Brewers jersey he had made for the shaver years ago.

Cole Hamels says record isn't so bad when viewed in a mirror written on a wall behind him...other than the 'whole backwards 9 part'

The pitcher pointed out that a 1-11 record would truly be reversed by a mirror and that he did not know about the trick when he was 1-8. So...

Comcast SportsNet to broadcast Halladay surgery live

Philadelphia--Comcast SportsNet (CSN) anchor and host Michael Barkann will team up with Chris Wheeler, Ike Reese, Ricky Bottalico, and Ray Didinger to broadcast Roy Halladay's arthroscopic shoulder surgery live on CSN from a Los Angeles operating room on Wednesday. "Oh, we'll be bedside to make all the calls and analysis," said Bottalico, former Phillies' pitcher and current CSN baseball analyst. "We will give viewers a play-by-play and get the doctor's thoughts while he's making incisions and scoping." This is a first for the network and Major League Baseball, which expects ratings to go through the roof during the four-hour procedure. "We're expecting big numbers," said Barkann, referring to the potential number of viewers tuning in. "So big that we'll all be wearing surgical masks with the F.C. Kerbeck logo and Chickie's and Pete's scrubs." The broadcast team, which will fly to California on Tuesday, will also live-tweet the event for fans unable to view the procedure on television. "It's funny," said one CSN employee, "we didn't contact the doctor, the doctor contacted us." (Former Pennsylvania Governor and Eagles Post Game Live analyst Ed Rendell will not be making the trek west because he "does not do well with the sight of blood.")

Cliff Lee tells Halladay to grow a pear ... tree in the backyard of his offseason home to help take mind off of shoulder issues

Remaining Marlins change team meeting spot from exclusive South Beach restaurant to Doral, FL, Applebee's

Doral, FL--After a blockbuster trade sent the Miami Marlins' highest paid players to Toronto on Tuesday, those left behind in Florida decided to hold a team meeting in order to gauge overall morale. The gathering was originally planned for Prime One Twelve, a high-priced steakhouse on Ocean Drive in ritzy South Beach that the underperforming team visited often over the long, hot 2012 summer. In fact, the high-end establishment was a favorite of the players that now find themselves on the Blue Jays and who would "almost always" pick up the tab during these expensive outings. For this reason--most likely--the team changed yesterday's meeting spot from South Beach to the Applebee's west of downtown and out past the airport. "I can't believe we're eating out by the airport. 2013 is gonna be a lot different," said one Marlin on condition of anonymity.