"I know I should have just called someone to run over and check, but that can be embarrassing," said the captain.
A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Showing posts with label transportation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transportation. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 6, 2021
Friday, February 1, 2019
Friday, March 31, 2017
NFL Draft Prep: City, NFL release updated security info for three-day event
Roger Goodell will conduct a mass along the Parkway and give a speech at Independence Hall.
Above: Philadelphia and the National Football League released an updated security zones map for the upcoming NFL Draft to be held along the Benjamin Franklin Parkway from April 27-29.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
MARC working diligently with SEPTA to remove crab cake odor from upholstory of rented cars
Above: A MARC (Maryland Area Regional Commuter) train arrives at Hart-Miller Island Station in Maryland. SEPTA has rented five train cars from MARC to help offset losing one-third of its regional rail fleet due to cracks in the cars' suspension systems. The MARC trains were put into service in Philadelphia on Monday and almost immediately passengers and conductors knew something was "off." "The entire car smells like crab cakes," said one SEPTA conductor. "I'm allergic to seafood." SEPTA contacted MARC about the crab cake odor and is seeking a reduction in rent from nearly $20,000 per week to $15,000 per week for the coaches if the problem persists. "I love crab cakes," said one SEPTA official, "but they're not for every one." The MARC coaches will be power washed and shampooed at the Overbrook Maintenance Facility and out of service for the next four weeks.
Monday, July 11, 2016
SEPTA's Craigslist ad for 'Coaches Needed' inundates transit agency with thousands of résumés
"There are some very qualified athletic coaches in our region," said one Septa official. "But, we need coaches ... not coaches."
Friday, July 8, 2016
Indian Railways has solution to SEPTA's regional rail woes
Friday, February 5, 2016
Super Bowl: Kayakers already claiming positions on waterway next to Levi's Stadium
Santa Clara, CA--The narrow, shallow San Tomas Aquinas Creek runs adjacent to Levi's Stadium at the southern end of San Francisco Bay. It is often called McCovey Cove South (Montana Cove has not caught on yet), referring to the part of the bay beyond the outfield wall of AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants, where watercraft enthusiasts gather during the local nine's home games. Despite its small size, the San Tomas Aquinas Creek is expected to host hundreds, if not thousands, of kayakers on Sunday for Super Bowl 50. "I don't know," said Gary Mateo, a San Jose resident and 49ers fan, "what if a football is kicked or passed over the stands or something and into the creek? I want to recover that ball." The view from the creek's surface is not great, but water-loving fans meet just south of the Tasman Dr. overpass for many 49ers home games. "I come with my stand up paddle board for every game--standing gives a little better view of the Field of Jeans," said Mark Dallas, a programmer from Redwood City, CA. "I have recovered four home run balls in McCovey Cove. Now ... I want a football." One football fan will use a crane to lower a pontoon party boat into the creek on Saturday morning. "I can't wait. I confirmed the crane yesterday and I went food shopping this morning. I'm set," said the Oakland Raiders fan who would not give his name. "However, I do need a fishing net to recover any footballs that come our way."
Monday, December 28, 2015
Year in Review: Mike Piazza talks baseball, infrastructure at Route 23 bridge ribbon cutting ceremony
Schuylkill Township, PA--In early October, the Route 23 bridge over the Pickering Creek opened to automobile traffic after nearly five months of reconstruction. A throng of celebrities and politicians attended the highly anticipated opening of the span, which carries 20,000 vehicles a day. Schuylkill Township's own Mike Piazza, the 12-time All-Star retired MLB catcher, gave the keynote speech at the opening ceremony. "Bridges are like a close play at home plate, they are crucial to communities. Bridges are like an intentional walk, they unite towns. Bridges are like a slider in the dirt that you block to prevent the runner on third from scoring the go-ahead run. But, most importantly, bridges, like baseball, bring us all together," said Piazza, to an estimated crowd of 2,500 onlookers, some sitting on folding chairs atop the adjacent Pickering dam. Former Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell lauded the new bridge, then led the lively crowd in the Philadelphia Eagles fight song: Fly, Eagles Fly. Movie director M. Night Shyamalan, who filmed portions of "The Happening" less than a mile east of the bridge in 2007, called the project a great addition to northern Chester County's infrastructure. (Shyamalan is making a documentary on the reconstruction of the bridge that he claims is "way better than 'The Happening' and has a surprise ending.")
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Year in Review: Demand for Papal visit bike share passes crashes Indego website
Above: The Indego bike station on the 900 block of Chestnut Street in Philadelphia. In July, high traffic volume crashed the Indego bike share website during sales of the special Papal Pedal Passes. The passes allowed access to the 600 bicycles in the system, but only ten of the sixty stations during the Pope Francis visit on September 26 and 27. "Bikes did not stop at every station. Parking at the stations was limited so bike users were dropped off or took a shuttle to the stations. Passes were only good for the name of the station printed on the pass," said one official. The website was restored after one week giving the public a second chance to claim one of the 350,000 available Papal Pedal Passes.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Friday, June 19, 2015
Papal Visit: Philadelphia, MontCo, ChesCo, to purchase lots of 15-passenger pedicabs for Schuylkill River Trail transport into, out of city
Philadelphia--Yesterday, the city, in partnership with Montgomery and Chester Counties, revealed an ambitious plan to turn forty miles of the popular Schuylkill River (multi-use) Trail into a "major transportation artery" for the Pope Francis visit in September. How? Pedicabs...lots of them. In fact, the three counties, using a $700K grant from the Papal People Partnership, will purchase two hundred, fifteen-passenger pedicycles to be used to (slowly) shuttle visitors into and out of the city on September 26 and 27. Pedicabs will leave from Pottstown, Spring City, Phoenixville, Oaks, Norristown, Conshohocken, Spring Mill, Manayunk, and East Falls. The journey from Pottstown to Center City, roughly forty miles, via the human-powered cabs could take about five hours--if all passengers are truly pedaling and there is a generous tailwind. No other bicycles will be permitted on the trail on September 26 and 27 to clear the way for the cabs. "This is really going to take the pressure off our roads and rails," said Gary Saint Jasperson, interim operating manager of the Ches-Mont Transportation Authority. "But the plan can only work if all fifteen passengers are pedaling." Additionally, the city and Septa announced that Paoli train station will be the only suburban rail station operating on the entire Septa regional rail network during the Saturday and Sunday of the World Meeting of Families. "If you live in Bucks County or New Jersey, for example, and you want to use regional rail to get into the city, you must drive to Paoli," said Saint Jasperson. "Yes, it will be crowded in Paoli, but we'll have plenty of orange cones set up. Really, we just purchased about seventy-five brand new orange cones."
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Residents calling for better lighting in new pedestrian tunnel at southwest corner of Washington Square
Above: A new pedestrian access way at the southwest corner of Washington Square Park in Philadelphia. The "tunnel," which required the demolition of the first floor of an historic South Washington Square building and millions of dollars to then make the upper floors structurally sound, opened just over two weeks ago after a nearly decade long court battle. Nearby residents are now calling for improved lighting of the passageway that links the park and Manning Street to the south.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Boston's Record Snow: MBTA tells fans to take rail to Pats victory parade only if they want to miss victory parade
The system-wide delays on Boston's transit network are unprecedented after the city received 34.2 inches of snow over a seven day period.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Year in Review: New Jersey spends billions to dredge, widen Hackensack River for Super Bowl party cruise ships
The state also raised many low bridges to allow the tall cruise ships to navigate upriver.
East Rutherford, NJ--Nearly a year has passed since New
Jersey hosted the first outdoor (expected) cold weather Super Bowl, where the
Seahawks thrashed the Broncos like it was 1987, 1988, or 1990. Officially, the
big game festivities were a bi-state affair, a first for the NFL, as events
were also held across the Hudson River in Manhattan (The Big Apple Garden Super
Bowl).
The two states invested a hefty sum of cash to have the game,
especially for security measures. New Jersey also spent billions more—possibly
to outshine their NYC neighbors—to dredge and widen the Hackensack River and to
remove and raise bridges as needed in order to accommodate large party cruise
ships to dock “as close as possible” to MetLife Stadium.
Manhattan hosted its own cruise ship party along the Hudson
at Pier 53. While this celebration featured the likes of Jay Z, Beyoncé,
Michael Jordan, LeBron James, Jennifer Lopez, and Brad Pitt, the Hackensack
River ships welcomed Macaulay Culken, the Spin Doctors, Matthew Modine, Marla
Gibbs, Greg Evigan, Scott Wolf, and many more.
The Garden State, according to Governor Christ Christie, was "more
than happy" to be co-hosting the NFL's showcase competition with New York. But,
at the same time, did not want to be "completely in the shadows of the
twenty-three square mile island's skyscrapers" when it came to the big
parties and the popular, interactive NFL Experience for the fans.
The task to bring three Carnival cruise liners up the Hackensack River,
to within walking distance of MetLife, aimed to move the party epicenter from
Manhattan to North Jersey. Not only did the waterway require dredging but
several low-clearing bridges (rail and automobile) needed to be raised fifty
feet or more and passages widened to allow the ships to navigate north to East
Rutherford.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
World Series: Pence, Bumgarner urging celebrating Giants fans to disperse from overloaded Golden Gate Bridge
Above: Social media led hundreds of thousands of Giants fans to converge on the Golden Gate Bridge soon after the team's victory parade ended in downtown San Francisco on Friday, October 31, 2014. Engineers became concerned after the curved roadway began to flatten and pleaded with authorities to disperse the crowd as quickly as possible. San Francisco Police and Marin County officials called on Giants players to help out and ask the fanatics to peacefully vacate the 77-year-old suspension bridge. Outfielder Hunter Pence and pitcher Madison Bumgarner appeared in a 60-second television public service announcement earlier today: "Hey, guys. Yeah, you guys on the bridge. We want you all to enjoy the World Series and celebrate responsibly. So, could you do us a favor and get off the bridge. Please, get off the bridge. All you have to is...get off the bridge. Hey, you there on the bridge...get off the bridge." The two stars of the championship series then turned "Get off the Bridge" into a catchy jingle and promised "Get off the Bridge" t-shirts for all who...get off the bridge.
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