A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Showing posts with label eagles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eagles. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Eagles credit Gritty's fiery pregame 'speech' for victory over Rams
Los Angeles--Yes, that was Gritty, the Flyers wacky new mascot, on the Eagles' sideline at the Memorial Coliseum on Sunday night. The Orange blob of hair was personally invited to the game by head coach Doug Pederson in an effort to 'spark the team to victory.' "I was just about to address the team before taking the field and coach told me to 'zip it' because we have a special guest here in LA," said QB Nick Foles. "All of the sudden Gritty walks in and just gives a very intense and inspiring routine...without saying a word. Guys were going nuts." Pederson stood in the corner of the locker room and took in the scene. "I was amped up," said the coach. "Gritty came in and you should have seen the faces on the players. Gritty's eyes said it all when they moved independently of each other: go out there and beat the Rams and keep your season alive. Be wacky and wild." Several players said their kids were going to be very jealous. Pederson laughed during the postgame press conference when he revealed that the bright orange mascot was actually on the flight with the team to LA, but was wearing a disguise so that no one would recognize him. "He had an exit row seat," said the coach, "and was wearing glasses and a fake mustache."
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Thursday, September 20, 2018
Carson Wentz cleared for contact...lenses
Philadelphia--Eagles team doctors have cleared injured star quarterback Carson Wentz for contact...lenses. The QB, who tore his ACL and LCL last season in a game versus the L.A. Rams, does not need contact lenses after undergoing laser eye surgery in 2017, but has been cleared to use lenses again in the future if ever needed or desired. One fan called the announcement "very confusing," given that Wentz has not been cleared for contact by doctors and missed the opening two games of the 2018 season versus the Atlanta Falcons and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. "Why do [the Eagles and reporters] pause after 'contact' when announcing this news?" said the fan. "I was all excited...it sounded like he was cleared for contact."
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Wentz lost for season: What was star QB even doing in game at that point? Injury occurred as Eagles were being blown out 28-24 in 3rd quarter
"We were losing by four points in the 3rd quarter. I mean, c'mon, it was over. Why was he even in the game at that time and not [Nick] Foles? The game was over," said one Eagles fan.
Friday, March 31, 2017
NFL Draft Prep: City, NFL release updated security info for three-day event
Roger Goodell will conduct a mass along the Parkway and give a speech at Independence Hall.
Above: Philadelphia and the National Football League released an updated security zones map for the upcoming NFL Draft to be held along the Benjamin Franklin Parkway from April 27-29.
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Carson Wentz admits to making at least one 'Fargo' movie reference at each post-game press conference
Philadelphia--"We played like we were being put through a wood chipper today," said Eagles quarterback, Carson Wentz, after the Eagles lost to the Washington Redskins on October 16, 2016. Wentz attended North Dakota State University in Fargo, ND, and grew up in Bismark, ND. "I don't know, kinda funny looking," Wentz said when asked about some of the defensive schemes the Lions used during a game on October 9, 2016--another Eagles loss. The rookie QB said some of his more "bizarre" post-game comments have been inspired by the 1996 Coen brothers film Fargo.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Dorenbos originally planned to audition for AGT as long snapper, not magician
"I went into [America's Got Talent] to show my talents as a long snapper. You know, just snapping the football. But my act would have been the same each week...so I went with magic," said Philadelphia Eagles' long snapper Jon Dorenbos.
Image: NYTimes.com
Image: NYTimes.com
Monday, September 12, 2016
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Report: Temple seeking to partner with Oakland Raiders on 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium in North Philadelphia
North Philadelphia--Several transit riders spotted Mark Davis exiting the Broad Street Subway at the Cecil B. Moore Station yesterday on the Temple University campus, where a man standing on the platform in a dark suit held a sign that read, "M. Davis." The two quickly climbed into a waiting Cooper Mini limousine at the surface and drove north on Broad St. Davis is the majority owner of the Oakland Raiders, son of legendary late owner, Al Davis. The Bay Area team team is looking for a new stadium, and a recent proposal to return the organization (as well as the Chargers) to Los Angeles is apparently dead. Yesterday, Temple officials half-heartedly denied reports that the university was looking to partner with the Raiders on a 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium at the center of campus (map above). "[Temple] loathes the situation at the Linc, so why would we seek out another NFL team?" said one school official, referring to the current lease agreement with the Eagles in South Philadelphia at Lincoln Financial Field. The report also hinted that a retractable roof is desired--by a certain school president--to make Temple a legitimate candidate to host future Super Bowls. Notes: The new Snohetta-designed library may be located at the site of the former William Penn High School. The planned expansive campus green will be located in Fairmont Park.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Contract requires Kelly to wear jeans during 49ers home games
Updated Levi's Stadium agreement calling for entire coaching staff to sport Levi's new skinny jean style.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Popular Philly gastropub unveils Sam Bradford sandwich: avocado, chicken, & lettuce
"Someone created the BLT, we just created the ACL," said the eatery's owner. "For just $1.50 more you can make it a double ACL."
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
What was motive behind Chip Kelly's disguise at the NFL Combine? (If it really was Chip Kelly)
Indianapolis--Was that Chip Kelly? A man who claimed to be a scout for the NHL's Winnipeg Jets, holding several worn stopwatches, was spotted evaluating the nearly 300 talented athletes at the NFL Combine daily from February 17-23 at Lucas Oil Stadium. The individual, who introduced himself as "Gary Reynolds from the Jets," knew quite a lot about the Philadelphia Eagles and the team's needs in the upcoming April/May NFL draft. The bizarre get-up--if it really was Chip Kelly--fooled most coaches, players, and front office personnel present at the high profile tryout. "I like this Mariota guy," said Reynolds/Kelly. "He'd fit in nicely with the Birds uptempo system, er, I mean, as a right winger up in Manitoba."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)



















