Klinsmann: 'Niemals kritisieren Oktoberfest, Mercedes, BMW, oder Volkswagen'

The head coach of the U.S. men's national soccer team, Jurgen Klinsmann, claims he overheard Landon Donovan, a surprise omission from the 2014 World Cup roster, criticize October Fest, Mercedes Benz, BMW, and Volkswagon at a team party a few months ago. "He didn't think I was listening," said Klinsmann, "He told a teammate that beers were too big at Oktoberfest and that Volkswagens handled poorly."

Recent survey shows Chester residents finally warming to Union soccer

Above: A Chester, Pa, resident proudly displays the Union logo (center) on the outside of his two-boxroom home. "A professional soccer team is exactly what this town needed," said the resident. "Originally, I felt the money for a new stadium would be better directed toward the Chester School District or the much needed social programs for the city. But, I was wrong and, unfortunately, it took us a couple of years to realize this. Go Union!" A recent survey shows that the Major League Soccer club, in its third season, is a source of pride in this community of 34,000 residents. The team, which claims to have a very positive relationship with the city, generously outfitted this fan with new cardboard from boxes arriving at PPL Park for a large shipment of concession stand supplies. (The cardboard, the Union confess, had a recycling value of around $20.)   

Klinsmann über mortified that strong European connections unable to get U.S. squad into Euro12

The U.S. Men's National Team head coach and former German soccer star Jurgen Klinsmann says he "let all Americans down. Yeah, even those ones that refuse to like the soccer game match."

Above: The U.S. coach watches over a practice in early May. "I know, like, practically, a ton of people over there in that Europe," said Klinsmann. "They owe me. They owe me big time. We should be in Euro12."

Success of European Championship could lead to more global soccer tournament; may include N. America, S. America, Asia, Africa, Australia and held every four years

London--International Soccer officials are waiting to gauge the success of Euro2012, the European Championship held every x number of years, in order to determine whether a more global tournament should be organized. "Soccer is becoming more and more popular worldwide," said Jean Benivedi, a public relations director at the Soccer Guys, a French-based nonprofit that promotes the game internationally. "Yes, even more popular than American football. And, I think the world is ready for a tournament that determines the best soccer nation on the planet. It could be held, like, every four years or so. I'm serious." If Euro2012 is deemed a success, soccer matches could be televised in the near future.

Union release PPL Park seating addition renderings: river, bridge, sun to be blocked out

New seating will quintuple capacity

Picture perfect afternoon at PPL Park ruined by lack of armrests

Chester, PA--It was one of those weather days that you wish would make itself comfortable and stick around for awhile: high seventies, low humidity, the occasional cloud and a cooling breeze. Frank Monroe had been looking forward to his first-ever visit to PPL Park, the Delaware Valley's newest sports facility and home to Major League Soccer's Philadelphia Union. He couldn't have picked a better day than Saturday.

Monroe, 47, is a casual Union fan (he couldn't accurately report the team's record or top scorer) but had heard so many great things about the sporting experience on the banks of the Delaware River that he had to witness it firsthand. From the endless energy of the Sons of Ben supporters to a hard working soccer team to the views of the meandering, adjacent river and the imposing Commodore Barry Bridge it is easy to see the draw of this shiny European football palace.

After gliding through the packed concourse and turning up through the tunnel to the seating area, however, something was off. Something, Monroe felt, was not quite right.

"I hurried inside the stadium all excited, got my draught beer of choice--Victory Prima Pilsner--had the usher point me in the right direction, climbed the numerous steps, sat down, placed my cup of liquid heaven in the holder and rested my arms on the ... there was nothing there," said a frustrated Monroe. "I mean, literally, there were no armrests. It wasn't just my seat. It was every single one."

That's right, PPL Park (named for the Allentown based Pennsylvania Power and Light utility company) was designed without armrests between the seats. A cost-cutting measure that has, until Saturday, gone mostly unnoticed.

"What am I suppose to do with my arms? No, really, that's not a rhetorical question. What am I suppose to do with my arms?Am I suppose to fold my arms or set them on my lap or let them hang awkwardly? No self-respecting jetliner director does that."

The Crum Lynne, PA native and Philadelphia International Airport grounds crew plane director claims that armrests are critical in providing "much needed rest for arms."

"My arms are my livelihood. I'm the guy on the tarmac with the illuminated vest and souped-up glow sticks that directs the planes into and out of the gates. My arms are always moving and pointing and waving. They need to be rested on my days off. It's critical."

Monroe claims that more than 60% of the rest his arms receive come from using armrests on home chairs or, in some cases, stadium seats.

"I've been to about 20 Phillies games this year and, guess what?" said the father of four. "My arms were well-rested during all of those three-hour games. Why? Because they have armrests at Citizens Bank Park. C'mon, we're not animals."

Monroe also admitted that on Saturday he kept leaning right, left and forward without his usual arm support, a local university confirmed this tendency.

The University of Pennsylvania recently completed a study on armrest-less stadium seating as it relates to posture during games. Though primarily focused on the bleacher seating at Penn State University's Beaver Stadium, PPL Park was also briefly analyzed, unbeknownst to the Union.

"Because there are no armrests at PPL, the average Union fan slouches anywhere from seven to fifteen degrees forwards or sidewards in their seats, compared to two to five degrees for a Phillies or Eagles fan," said Dr Ted Greenboundberg, the back specialist at the UPenn Medical Center directing the study.

Other fans attending the Union's games in the new stadium seemed unfazed and unconcerned with the missing seat features.

"I stand the whole time buddy, so ... I really don't even know what you're talking about," said Gary Yoneski, 23, of Media, a dedicated Sons of Ben member pausing from the Click It or Ticket chant echoing from the River End seating section. "Although, the cup holders could be higher. Yeah, that would be cool."

One positive that Monroe took from the seating situation at PPL Park was the elimination of the armrest face-off. This is the friendly battle with the person or persons seated beside you for the right to use the armrest. Although Monroe claimed to be undefeated in these face-offs, including both movie theaters and stadiums, he felt they exhausted his arm's energy reserves.

And the game? The Union tied the Kansas City Wizards, 1-1, but Monroe was preoccupied.

Body discovered at Chester stadium groundbreaking

Chester, PA--A dozen golden shovels shimmered in the afternoon sun near the waterfront of this once thriving port city, the Commodore Barry Bridge in the background. Yesterday, the new Philadelphia area Major League Soccer (MLS) franchise broke ground for their new 18,000+ seat soccer-only stadium.

Both team officials and politicians are hoping that the new facility can spur development in Pennsylvania's poorest city. Despite the current state of the economy, officials reinforced that the venue will be completed.

The project, however, hit a setback yesterday when, during the groundbreaking ceremony, a team official discovered a body with his golden shovel.

"I took the shovel and began to push it into the ground and it stopped about three inches down," said a team official who wanted to remain anonymous. "I put all my weight into it but it still wouldn't penetrate the dirt. Something wasn't right."

As soon as it became apparent that the blockage was a body, ceremony attendees, including the mayor, governor and numerous fans were quickly directed back to the breakfast buffet table away from the scene. Chester City Police were eventually notified and subsequently shut down the area. Police would not release the identity of the body.

The joyous crowd turned somber after hearing the news and the Sons of Ben supporters sang "Ill Fly Away" as a tribute.