USGA declares Merion the Librarian mascot a 'frightening failure'

Above: The Merion the Librarian mascot high-fives fans while following 2013 U.S. Open runner-up Phil Mickelson.

Ardmore, PA--Everybody knows The Music Man, or so the United States Golf Association (USGA) and Merion Golf Club thought. The organizers and host of the just-completed U.S. Open were positive that the catchy songs and lovable characters of the 1957 Broadway musical (and the 1962 and 2003 films) would connect with all fans young and old. In 1993, the musical was celebrated on an episode of the Simpsons, where the salesman was peddling monorails instead of musical instruments. One of the main characters from the musical was Marian Paroo (Marian the Librarian), the love interest of salesman/con man Harold Hill. Merion teamed up with the USGA to create a Merion the Librarian mascot to meander the course to encourage "library speaking voice volumes." "We wanted a well-known character that fans could relate to, that was a play on the club's name, and encouraged quietness and proper behavior on the course. We also wanted a character that would be kid-friendly," said Merion's director of fan relations, Darryl Evanston. Well, for four days, Merion the Librarian said not a word to the throngs of golf enthusiasts that packed the East Course, but only put her left index finger to her lips to indicate quiet. "Yeah, it backfired big time," continued Evanston, referring to the creation of the mascot. "She scared the crap out kids and just generally made everyone uncomfortable for nearly a week." The USGA and Merion admitted that the reputation of Philadelphia fans was one of the main reasons behind the making of the mascot. "The crowds were absolutely fantastic, and, much to our misjudgment, it had nothing to do with Merion the Librarian.

Above:  Marian and Harold in the 1962 film: The Music Man

USGA, Merion reinstate grounds crew member suspended for wearing baggy rain pants

Above: Blake O'Sullivan donning baggy rain pants uses a squeegee on the 16th fairway. 

Ardmore, PA--The heavy rains over the last week in southeastern PA has not only caused delays in tee times, but has sparked a pants controversy at the U.S. Open. Yes, a pants dispute. "I just want this whole mess to be over with," said Blake O'Sullivan, 26, a grounds crew member at Merion Golf Club, host of this year's Open. "My baggy pants have become the story of the tournament and that is not at all what I intended. I didn't intend anything." The Narberth, PA, resident said he was in the grounds crew locker room and received a call to report "asap" to the 16th fairway to squeegee the rain-soaked hole, as the course has been battered by precipitation since last Friday. O'Sullivan "grabbed the only pair of rain pants" he saw and ran to the 16th to join the rest of the crew, all the while pulling the surprisingly large rain gear over his jeans during the frantic jog there. "It turns out that I grabbed an XXXL pair of rain pants and I had no time to return to the room and find a proper-fitting pair." On Monday, O'Sullivan was suspended with pay by both the USGA and Merion for "improper inclement weather golf attire" based on Rule Rt-86013-BT-zcx of the USGA grounds crew etiquette handbook. On Wednesday morning, Jesse Jackson led the charge to reinstate the crew member, flying to Philadelphia from Atlanta, and holding a press conference directly across the street from the East Course. "Did Mr. O'Sullivan demonstrate carelessness? Yes. But the crime does not fit the punishment. The ruling parties have shown great preposterousness." Matt Damon, Will Smith, and Sarah Jessica Parker all joined Jackson at the podium to lead the crowd in a slow clap, fast clap after the announcement that O'Sullivan was reinstated.

U.S. Open: Merion urging, pleading, reminding fans to please drive to course

Above: Merion Golf Club's East Course at the 14th hole with the skyline of Philadelphia in the

background. Tournament organizers are urging fans to skip public transit, carpooling, and private 

shuttles and drive alone to the course. "People, we have plenty of parking, so please drive by 

yourself to the Open,"said one Merion official.

Ardmore, PA--The historic Merion Golf Club in Haverford Township, which has hosted 17 USGA championships since it was established in 1896--more than any other course in the nation--apparently has "more parking than you can shake a one iron at." Course manager Darrell Vesitter: "We want to dispel any rumors that the club is tight on parking. Please arrive by car, in fact, arrive by two cars. We have more parking spaces than the King of Prussia Mall and the South Philly sports complex combined." The club is located in highly developed Delaware County just west of Philadelphia in the first-ring suburbs with very minimal parking. The driving request is extremely unusual--which could cause unprecedented gridlock--given that Amtrak serves Ardmore, PA, just over a mile from the East Course, site of this year's tournament. In addition, SEPTA's regional rail has stops in Haverford and Ardmore, while the Ardmore Avenue stop along the transit agency's high speed line is just steps from one of several entrance gates.