A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Monday, September 29, 2014
Washington Avenue Green: Millennials threaten to boycott new park until 'at least three' pop-up beer gardens installed
Philadelphia--Over the weekend, several hundred Millennials converged on Washington Avenue Green (Pier 53), the new Delaware River waterfront park, to protest the greenspace's lack of a permanent or pop-up beer garden. The peaceful group of 20- and 30-somethings showed up carrying high tables, picnic tables, ping pong tables, large beer glasses, fire pits, corn hole, recycled wood, and kegs of beer...lots of kegs. From these listed parts the "protesters," with surprisingly high-quality design and craftsmanship, constructed a "rogue beer garden" on the park's southern shoreline to demonstrate its potential to "be one with nature but with a malted beverage." The Green, which opened in mid August and was once home to the nation's first navy yard, and later the main immigration station for the city, was planned as a wetlands park and a place for visitors to take in the expansive views of the tidal waterway and distant city skyline. "We wanted to show that while this is a great place to enjoy and observe the natural wonders of where the river meets the shore, this should be done with a great local or regional beer in hand," said Albert Corrigan, vice president of Millennials in Philly (MIP), a group that advocates for "great beer gardens and even better corn hole" in every part of the city.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
NFL: Blocking sled to get start for Eagles on Sunday
Above: The Philadelphia Eagles blocking sled practices with the first team after getting the call to start versus the San Francisco 49ers on Sunday. The National Football League will allow the Eagles to use a three-person blocking sled after losing three starting offensive linemen in the first three weeks of the season. Head coach Chip Kelly says he expects the sled to have no problems keeping up with his high-tempo offense. "We feel very comfortable and confident that the sled will seamlessly fit into our scheme. The sled has never missed a practice. I know the guys have had the sled over for barbecues and out at the bars," said Kelly. These same players will also have to position the sled at the line of scrimmage before the start of each play during the game.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Report: Eagles team bus caught in Indy's Monument Circle for hours
The veteran driver was unable to merge in any direction during countless laps around the busy traffic circle at the center of town.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Only three separate spans to be ready for Schuylkill River Boardwalk grand opening
Revelers celebrating the "opening" of the 2,000 ft walkway will be shuttled to and between the non-adjacent spans by boat. Bicycles WILL be allowed to make the trek.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Tip Top Nails Station? Market East naming rights came down to Jefferson, local nail salon
Market East Station will be renamed Jefferson Station after the hospital located only two blocks away from the busy Center City regional rail stop. Other strong candidates for naming rights included: Wells Fargo ATM, Four Seasons Nail, Le Nails, and Lady Foot Locker.
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