A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
NHL Stadium Series: Players 'completely worn out' playing on 120-yard-long rink
Philadelphia--Saturday's NHL Stadium Series game between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Philadelphia Flyers at Lincoln Financial Field marked the first outdoor NHL game with a rink as long as the football field (including the end zones) beneath the ice. The teams were clearly spent by the end of the first period."Playing on a rink that long is ridiculous," said Flyers captain Claude Giroux. "That's nearly double the size of a normal rink. It's too much. It was comical." The NHL approved the longer rink in order to "draw more NFL fans to improve television ratings." The exhausted hockey players also somehow found the energy to perform elaborate group celebrations after scoring goals. "My favorite celebration was when [the Flyers] pretended to drill a hole in the ice and use their sticks to go ice fishing ," said one young fan.
Monday, February 4, 2019
Friday, February 1, 2019
Monday, January 28, 2019
Has ability to skip Pro Bowl Bowl become sole motivation for reaching the Super Bowl?
Orlando, FL--Many top NFL players from across the league have admitted that their main goal for the season is reaching the Super Bowl--not for a chance to win a championship, but to avoid playing in the Pro Bowl. "When [the Chiefs] were eliminated in the AFC title game I was so upset. Yes, because we lost, but mostly because it meant that I would have to play in the damn Pro Bowl," said one Pro Bowl quarterback from Kansas City who wanted to remain anonymous. Many football analysts and players say the NFL's all-star game should simply be an award--an "honor on paper"--and not an actual game. "If reaching the Super Bowl means I don't have to play in this ... thing [Pro Bowl], then, yes, I would like to play in the Super Bowl every year," said another Pro Bowl quarterback from Indianapolis who also wanted to remain anonymous.
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