Recently hired ship captain left hovercraft pilot experience off resume

Chilean 'quake was actually a soccer riot

The 7.7-magnitude earthquake measured by the Global Seismic Association yesterday actually turned out to be a 7.7-magnitude soccer riot. Buildings and bridges toppled and over 100 people were injured with 2 casualties reported.

The Chilean national soccer team lost a very crucial and close match to arch rival Peru yesterday, 2-1, in overtime, eliminating the team and setting off a riot like no other.

"We are going to burn down the Andes," screamed one rioter referring to the mountain chain that dominates the country's landscape.

The super-hyped crowd pushed over a 20 story building, carried it through the streets and dumped it in the River Guanardo. Then the rioters,forming a long line, dug their bare hands into a paved road and created a two foot wide crack(pictured) in the asphalt simply by pushing and pulling.

As GSA officials surveyed the damage they became convinced it was caused by a large-scale earthquake.

"The fires, the giant cracks in the ground, the apartment buildings leveled, there was no doubt it was an earthquake...then we saw the mob," said GSA director Gabriel Domingo.

Phila Police threaten to use Battleship New Jersey to fight crime

Philadelphia Police Commissioner Sylvester Johnson was very clear in his message to the criminals of the city:"We are fully prepared to use the Battleship New Jersey to battle crime in this city." The decommissioned battleship is now a floating museum on the Camden waterfront, but can be reactivated for police work in a short time for only several million dollars. The most decorated American battleship was extremely accurate when firing on targets winning hundreds of the Navy's "Bull's Eye Medals."
When first docking on the Delaware River in 1999 the ship was used to disrupt the drug trade on Camden's streets. The ship's massive 16 inch guns were used to destroy many of the drug houses that littered the city's neighborhoods. "The houses were empty, but we knew there were lots of drugs and weapons in the home. The gun would turn and fire, boom, there would be nothing left. It was hilarious," said officer Brad Muster. And effective.
Philadelphia has similar plans for the ship if crime continues to increase. Pennsylvania law allows for battleships to target many types of suspected crime activity:"Battleships are permitted to combat drug and violent crime. They may also be used as a form of death penalty. However, they may not be used to curb jay walking." Being that the firing range of the guns aboard the ship are 23 miles, many suburban Pennsylvania and New Jersey towns have inquired about fighting crime with the USS New Jersey.

Seeing Double? Plans only called for one tower

Though the twin towers known as One and Two Commerce Square are 15 and 20 years old respectively a major breakthrough with respect to the project's cost has been uncovered. The now defunct Schuylkill River Realty Corporation, the builder of Commerce Square, was never able to determine why the project finished double the estimated cost. The project proved so costly that it ruined the 75 year old SRRC who was forced into bankrupcy in 1993 one year after the completion of Two Commerce Square. The original plans turned up at a garage sale that a former SRRC employee had visited.
The plans and the permits revealed that only one tower was suppose to be constructed at Commerce Square instead of the two now standing. "I really screwed up. I always wondered why the project was so far over budget. I kept doing the math. It has comsumed my life," said Ken Willer, project manger at the time. An assistant to Willer reportedly left a photocopy of the original plans on his desk, thinking it was a new set of plans Willer ordered the second tower to be built. "I should have called to double check, but I decided to make the decision and it turned out to burn me and the company. It's really crappy." The assistant claimed to have placed a Post-it on the copy that said "copy." However, Post-its were relatively new at that time and did not stick as well as they do today.

New drug allows players to see yellow line

New York, NY--The NFL has a new drug problem on their hands: Yellow-uana. This revolutionary drug allows players to see television's yellow first down line, one that only viewers at home are able to see. This drug has gone undetected for years, but became known to officials during an interview slip up.

After last week's game, running back Jim Taylorsville was describing a late fourth quarter effort to reach a first down: "I was able to make the catch and was hit immediately, but I could see the the yellow line was only a yard away...I mean...I only needed one more yard. Shit."

An investigation was launched the next day that revealed hundreds of players were involved in the use of Yellow-uana. The yellow line has appeared on telecasts since 1998, but officials have no idea how long the drug has been around.

"There really is no telling how far back this started. It could have been 1998, we don't know," said one NFL spokesperson. Yellow-uana, a pill and a liquid, has been added to the list of banned substances by the league.

Though the investigation is in its early stages and most players are not fully cooperating, officials have gathered some information. Several wide receivers and running backs have admitted that a tainted dose can cause a player to see several yellow lines on the field at one time.

One running back, who commented only on condition of anonymity, recounted a nightmare game: "It was wacky. I saw at least 20 yellow lines every time I touched the ball. I was freaking out. If [the officials] said I was short of the first down, I couldn't argue because there was always a yellow line ahead of where I was tackled."

Rhode Island looks to surpass Delaware by 2010

Currently the state of Rhode Island is recognized as the country's smallest, in land area, behind the the First State of Delaware. Rhode Island is currently listed at 1,045 square miles while Delaware entails 1,954 square miles. "We're only 909 behind. I mean...c'mon. That's just a little over 900," said Carl Smith, a resident of Pawtucket, RI. Ten years ago the Ocean State established a committee that would focus on strategies to surpass Delaware and end years of humiliation. The billions of dollars invested in the project has apparently paid off because Rhode Island is expected to pass Delaware in land area by 2010. "I really can't believe that it's happening. No more jokes or quips or anything," said Director of Project Un-tiny, Heidi Martinez.
Some experts have said that having the "smallest state" label has boosted the Rhode Island economy exponentially. "Everyone remembers the biggest and the smallest. It's a great way to market your state...people will remember," said Stephie Sinclair of Center City Marketing Inc. Rhode Island officials turned their nose to this theory, but Delaware has welcomed it. "We established a committee years ago to see if we could slide into the 50th slot," said Frank Johnson, leader of Project Tiny. T-shirts with "Nobody remembers number 49" written on the front have sold out of Wilmington, DE stores.

Small tear in Lazy Boy perfect for small wrappers

Jesse Denigan will outright admit to using the small tear in his friend's Lazy Boy upholstery as a trash bin. "Oh, I definitely use it as a small trash can." The two-inch tear located on the right armrest is perfect for placing small candy wrappers. "There must be over 100 Heshey Kiss wrappers in there. They're easy to roll up and shove in," said Denigan. One will find almost every candy wrapper, the size of the palm of your hand or smaller, in the Lazy Boy. Denigan admitted that if m&m's came individually wrapped they would be perfect for stuffing in the chair. "After a night of several beers I was able to get the wrapper from a 4-pack Reese's Peanut Butter Cup down the rip." Denigan's friend reportedly has no knowledge of the "Chair-ash Can."

Nutter votes for the guy that ran against him

Michael Nutter, the next mayor of Philadelphia, defeated the guy that ran against him(pictured) in a landslide in yesterday's election. Knowing prior to the election that he would win easily Nutter voted for the guy that ran against him as a sign of respect. "I just thought that it was the right thing to do- voting for the guy that ran against me," said a jubilant mayor-elect Nutter.
The guy that ran against Nutter received about 17% of the vote while Nutter claimed 83%. "I support Nutter through and through and look forward to working with him to make this city great. It was a privilege to run against the guy that ran against me," said the guy that ran against Nutter.

Musharraf: "It's just that I look so good in this uniform. That's the thing."

Brady hurts hand on Lombardi trophy

After the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl on Sunday over the Indianapolis Colts CBS's Jim Nantz handed an uncharacteristically high energy Tom Brady the Vince Lombardi Trophy. The excited quarterback grabbed the award and just as quickly dropped it. Brady cut his hand on the base of the trophy which has three extremely sharp points that resemble a pitchfork . The NFL has been concerned for years that something like this would happen.
Several years ago a few players formed a committee whose goal was to have the points "rounded off a bit." The players traveled the country showing the dangers of the award. "In the mountain streams of Wyoming I was actually able to spear fish with it," said the anonymous player. In Kansas City, Mo it was used in a meat packing plant, which needs no further description. Finally, it was attached to the front of an ice breaking ship in Lake Superior where the captain reported,"I ain't no never seen ice break like that, the ice was scared #&%less."
The rounding never happened for fear the trophy would not stand when placed on a table. "What if it wasn't able to stand up? Like one of those punching things that pops right back up, but this wouldn't pop back up," said a visibly upset Tyler Glastinopolis, rep from the NFL's Trophies division. Brady is expected to make a full recovery, but the question is: will the ice in Lake Superior?

Restaurants, sandwich shops prep for the Kolb era

Delaware Valley residents and restaurants are preparing for the Kevin Kolb(pronounced cob) era to begin at quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. From Hoagie shops to candy stores plans to develop names for sandwiches, soups, salads and more for the rookie quarterback in the event he becomes a star have begun. "We've come up with a few zingers," said Marvin Topton, owner of The Crispy Sandwich on Mixton St. The "Corn on the Kolb" hoagie is being tested and has so far been met with rave reviews. The hoagie features two layers of turkey and cheese wrapped around an ear of corn served hot with a tangy dipping sauce. Pho 75, a Vietnamese Soup house on Washington Ave., is planning to test a soup that entails a chicken broth with an ear of corn in the center called: "I Prefer the Kolb Soup-The Soup you eat with your hands." Acme Supermarkets will introduce the Kolb Salad next month, but has remained silent on its contents.
Sally Barksdeer of the Naval Yard has tasted both,"Awesome! I had never eaten the actual cob before eating the Kolb Hoagie. Delicious!" Many chefs have hinted that if the quarterback is a hit so will the dishes, while others were hesitant. "We can't just throw anything into a sandwich and expect it to sell, but it does help if he succeeds," said Topton. One area candy maker plans on unveiling "Kolb Stoppers", a play on the candy "Gob Stoppers," for the holiday season.

Theaters experience plummet in candy sales after Halloween

Experts have studied it. The experts' assistants have studied it. College professors have studied it. Grad students have studied it. "It" is the trend of plummeting candy sales that the nation's movie theaters experience the week following Halloween. Candy sales remain relatively constant through out much of the year until the period just after the Halloween holiday. "I don't get it. Theaters see a hefty drop in sales, but the amount of candy wrappers in waste receptacles and seating area floors nearly triples," said Mike Avon, a marketing professor from Philadelphia University's School of Confection Confessions. Many of the wrappers collected and studied were selections not even offered at the lobby's food stands. This has some believing that rogue theater employees have established an underground candy market in the seating area.
Another theory that was quickly dismissed was the idea that patrons have been bringing in their own Halloween candy. "We nixed this idea quickly because all theaters have a strict "no outside food or drink inside the theater" policy," said Avon. Next week a panel will meet at MIT in Boston to discuss the next course of action in this long and exhausting study.

NFL to award Lombardi trophy after Sunday's big game

After hours of meetings in the NFL's New York headquarters the league officially decided to award Sunday's Colts-Patriots winner the championship trophy. "Basically we have declared this game the Super Bowl, and are treating the game accordingly," said NFL rep, Garry Gom. The league has added a halftime show and also considered a neutral location which Colts officials turned down. However, Colts officials did agree to give half of the RCA Dome's tickets to the Patriots for distribution to New England fans. For the first time ever a "regular" season game conducted a Media Day and will have end zones painted for each team's colors.
A final decision will come on Wednesday on whether the league will play the remaining regular season games and the playoffs. "We're more leaning toward not playing the games, but then someone will bring up a good point which makes us think we should play the games. It's just a real crazy time right now," said Gom
Notes: The half time show will star the Bacon Brothers. They will not be singing, but acting out several scenes from Kevin's large list of hit movies.

Shooting thought to be part of Halloween costume

Residents of the 6600 block of Gregsonberg St, in Philadelphia's Gregsonberg section, thought they were being treated to a Halloween skit last night. Michael Stamp,43, of the 7100 block, was shot in the abdomen during a drug-deal-gone-bad on an adjacent street. Stamp stumbled onto Gregsonberg St around 7pm holding his stomach and blood-stained shirt when he began passing trick-or-treaters and parents. "We really thought it was part of a Halloween act," said resident Stacy Vamter. Her son, 10 year old James, had no idea how Stamp was able to get the blood to "look so real and keep pumping out of his stomach."
As Stamp struggled down the sidewalk he was met with whistles and calls of praise. Residents on nearby porches rose to a standing ovation as the man collapsed halfway down the block finally succumbing to the wound. A teary-eyed Don Gramton said afterward, "I was clapping so hard my hands hurt. At the time I thought it was one of the greatest performances I have ever seen." Stamp was pronounced dead at Rising Sun Hospital hours later. The children of the neighborhood have put all of their Halloween candy in the place where Stamp fell as a tribute. However, it appears that the children fancy twix and snickers as neither appear at the shrine.

Area frogs looking forward to Leap Year

It only occurs once every four years but frogs around the world are highly anticipating the 2008 Leap Year. "It's a time for leaping and more leaping," croaked a frog found soaking up the afternoon sun yesterday on Philadelphia's lower Schuylkill River. For millennia frogs have celebrated the "Year of the Leap" in many different ways but one ritual has persisted: the leap. Known for their leaping in non-leap years one study shows that frogs increase leaping up to 75% during Leap Year. "It's quite fascinating the amount of leaping they do considering that the creatures are leapers to begin with," said Hank Sumtimton, a Keystone State University biologist. The frogs that Sumtimton studied were very quick to differentiate between leaping and jumping. "Ohhh.(laughing) Leaping is so different from jumping I don't want to even get into it," said one Delaware River frog.
Whatever the definition we know that the world will see an exponential increase in frog leaping during 2008 much like it did in 2004,2000 etc. As during previous Leap Years frog advocates have asked that high school biology classes consider dissecting lizards in 2008.

Boston ends new 2 year curse, wins 84 years early

Last night the Boston Red Sox ended the curse that plagued the franchise for two years. The original curse lasted eighty-six years and ended when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004. The famous "Curse of the Bambino," claimed believers, was the result of Babe Ruth leaving for the rival New York Yankees. Ruth went on to become one of the greatest players of all time and an American icon.
Following the 2004 victory the Red Sox front office invited Bill Buckner, 1986 goat, to the World Series parade to "smooth things over." However, Buckner exited the WB Mason float and Fleet parade when his pet goat was refused entry. Before leaving Buckner had cursed the team again. "I curse this team to another 86 year drought," yelled Buckner at no one in particular.
Many believed the new curse when the Red Sox did not repeat as champions in 2005 and 2006. "Being that we hadn't won it in two years I knew the Buckner curse was in effect," said an excited Pat McSweeny, a fan from Leominster,Ma, "but not anymore." This time around the curse lasted only two years. Buckner's goat became a minor celebrity and media darling, when the Sox did not win in 2005, touring the country and guest speaking at many colleges. Someone from this year's parade crowd yelled,"Escape...goat." Huh?

Preparation for World Series uncovers original Coors Field plans

One of the major obstacles in bringing baseball to the Mile-High City was that it was...well, a mile high. Many experts believed that the ball would fly out of the stadium like a Tiger Woods tee shot because of the thin air.

Some called for a 600 ft center field with similar dimensions down the lines. Pitchers would never want to come to Denver and see their ERA's surpass the Rocky Mountains.

One engineering company, Roobarb,Mixy, and Rebar came up with a plan to combat the naysayers and to prove that baseball would work here. The plan was recently discovered, sealed in cardboard tubes, in the bowels of Coors Field while the team was sprucing up "every last corner of the place" in anticipation of the World Series.

Mookie Roobarb and his brother Rebar Roobarb were huge baseball fans and desperately wanted Major League Baseball to place a team in Denver, their home city. The plan called for the stadium to be built 5,280 feet below the streets of Denver. To all Europeans and other worshipers of the metric system that is equal to 1,760 yards.

"It would have been a domed stadium built a mile into the Earth's crust," said the janitor, Allen Storm, who found the plans.

Having the stadium built at sea level gave the city a much better chance of landing a franchise. Fans would journey into the ground by way of a combination of over 200 elevators and escalators. Escalator rides would have surpassed 45 minutes from surface to stadium.

Also in the plans was a 14 ft layer of concrete under the stadium to prevent scalding hot liquid magma and lava from entering the seating area.

The plan was never made public, but to those who did know about it considered it very dangerous and controversial. Roobarb, Mixy, and Rebar passed away in freak accidents when three separate bombs detonated while all three were attempting to start their vehicles. Investigators called the accidents "manufacturing glitches."

A teary-eyed Mill Wagner, close friend of the engineers, said,"I just wish that Roobarb, Mixy, and Rebar would have lived to see the World Series come to Denver. It really stinks that they died in such freak accidents."

Scheduling glitch unfortunatley has Sixers playing half their games at home in '07-'08

Giant and big, Super duper jumbo jet has first commercial flight

The streets of Singapore were eerily silent today. Businesses and homes were empty and farms void of workers. Not a single car on the street. Where is everyone? 50,000 feet above. The entire population of Singapore is on the maiden voyage of Singapore Airline's new Airbus A380, now the world's largest passenger airplane. "We got every last citizen and some visitors on this plane, including inmates," said Ton Guang, Singapore's Minister of Air Travel Traveling. Guang would not give an exact number of passengers at first calling for the media to "guess how many we got on here." After almost 30 minutes of guessing Guang finally gave a number. The Minister asked not to have the number published for fear of penalties from the World and Global Air Safety Board. As for the amenities on board,"We got it all, do you hear me, we got personal cabins, bars, sofas, a putt putt course, but not snakes on a plane," said the jovial Guang.
"Everything about this plane is big," said one passenger. Tickets are 4 feet long by 1 foot wide. Soda cans hold one liter of soft drink. The movies during the flight, which includes a stop in Australia, include: "The Iron Giant," "My Giant," "Riding Giants," "Big" and every Singaporeans favorite cult hit "The Big Lebowski."

Flyers to play 19.5122% of their road games during next 2 weeks

Movie Review: "Into the Wild"

After watching this intense and moving story I could not help but think of one movie: "The Goonies." The similarities between the two films are astounding. I could not confirm reports that director Sean Penn actually considered calling the movie "The Goonies 2." "Into the Wild" was missing a Chunk-type character(pictured), but other than that it was remarkable. The fact that gold and jewels play such a prominent role in both of the films was simply genius. Another similarity: both movies are also based on fact. Which made me curious as to why The Goonies left all of the gold and jewels behind. I mean it was all right there for them to take. If I ever met the famous gang that is the one question I would present. But if I had two questions the other would be: What would have been your explanation to people when you tried to change the gold and jewels into cash? People would have been asking lots of questions as to where all the treasure came from.

"Terror Behind the Walls" to offer diapers

The nationally ranked haunted house in Fairmount's Eastern State Penitentiary known as "Terror Behind the Walls" is looking out for its customers. The production will be setting up vending machines along the garden walls that line the south side of the former penitentiary. The machines will contain diapers for the adventurous guests that enter the fright fest. There will be two sizes of diapers-medium and large. "We tried to get a one-size-fits-all diaper but it was next to impossible," said Eastern State's director of sanitary control, Dana Gilly. The diapers will be $7.00 each and the machines will only take exact change in the form of dimes. If the $7.00 price tag seems steep there will be small mops available for $6.00, wet-naps offered at $3.00 and SOS pads for $1.00, also requiring dimes. "It's scary in there and there were some "issues" last year, then those "issues" turned into slippery walkways. We want a safe environment," said Gilly. Some performers have slipped in the "issues" making it difficult to frighten the "issues" out of people.

Rockies to practice in Australia

With so much time between playoff series the Colorado Rockies, this year's National League Champs, have decided to conduct their practice sessions in Sydney, Australia. The 9-day layoff is an MLB record for time off between playoff series. "Almost all of the players have never been to the land of pocketed, bouncing deer," said manager Clint Hurdle,"and with all this time we said 'what the heck.'" Most speculate that the trip will end up a sight seeing adventure/party with stops planned for Byron Bay, Nimbin, Alice Springs,Nimbin, Melbourne, Nimbin, Kakadu National Park and then returning to Nimbin. "The best part is that we'll get to see Nimbin," said a very happy and anonymous player.

Croce uses invention from 'American Inventor'

A former contestant/inventor on television's 'American Inventor' has claimed that Pat Croce stole his idea of "moving a house by using hundreds of midgets." Pat Croce hired almost 600 midgets last week to move his Ocean City, NJ home to a nearby lot to make room for his new home. "I presented the idea on the show and it was rejected, but I could tell that Mr. Croce liked the idea," said inventor, Carl Regent. "[Pat] claimed he didn't like it, but he had a look in his eye that told me he might take the idea for himself." Croce served as a judge on 'American Inventor' last season and was unable to be reached for comment.

Obituary: Man who invented twist tie dies

Yesterday, at 104 years old, George Hinson passed away from natural causes in his Ft Washington, PA estate. Hinson is most well remembered for his contribution to the bag sealing industry.

In 1923, at the age of 20, Hinson came up with the idea for the twist tie after he twisted his ankle in a game of bouncy bouncy wall ball, a popular Philadelphia-area street game.

In a 1989, interview Hinson noted,"We needed something to keep those darn bread bags closed so the air wouldn't get in and the bread wouldn't get out."

On that warm summer day just after he had twisted his ankle the idea hit him that "a wire coated in a smooth material could be twisted around the opening of a bread bag and then untwisted and then twisted again." Before the twist tie vines and cat tails had been used to keep bags closed.

His great grandson Dale said he spoke to his ailing great grandfather on Saturday and the senior couldn't believe that the twist tie was "still going strong." Dale laughed,"Grandpa said he thought that by now one would be able to keep bags closed with e-mail." Obviously, George Hinson was losing his mind. The twist tie fortune will be left to his surviving relatives with a small portion going to the Bouncy Bouncy Wall Ball Federation.

Super Jumbo jet lands, sinks Singapore

An Airbus A380 jet landed in Singapore yesterday, with enormous fanfare, completing the company's first delivery of the plane that has been plagued by numerous delays. Shortly after the giant jet landed at the airport of this tiny Asian nation the island began to sink into the sea. After about forty-five minutes the entire island was submerged under four to five feet of water. "We may have misjudged the weight of the plane," said Jaque Gorrier, an Airbus Jet Weight Specialist.

Rockies celebrate...a little too early

The Colorado Rockies won the third game of the NLCS last night giving them a 3-0 lead in the series and setting off a wild celebration. After the 4-1 victory over the Arizona Diamondbacks the Rockies rushed the field piling on one another and dumping Gatorade and champagne on each other. Fans joined in the party by hugging strangers in adjacent seats and high-fiving Coors' Field security guards and Denver Police Officers. The on-field party slowly came to an end when a representative from Major League Baseball pulled Rockies Manager Clint Hurdle aside to inform him that the series is a best-of-seven and not a best-of-five. Hurdle, appearing very embarrassed began to spread the word to his jubilant players. "We really thought that it was a five game series," said Matt Holliday, Rockies outfielder. Many players exited the field with hands covering their faces.
The stadium public address announcer told the crowd that this was not a series clinching victory and that one more was needed to solidify the team's first ever trip to the World Series. The disbelief permeated quickly through the crowd causing some to weep and others to claim they had something in their eye. "We're a football town all the way, Broncos, Broncos, Broncos so we should be forgiven for this." said Frank Smits, of Boulder, CO. He went on ask if the NLCS has always been a seven game series.

Boulerice:"I meant to hit his trachea."

Dry weather forces Elves to bake outside of tree

The Keebler Elves have been forced to make cookies outside of their tree-kitchen due to the dry weather that has descended upon southeastern Pennsylvania. Having an oven inside a tree has always been questioned by NBSC(National Board of Safety in Cooking), but adding the dry conditions forced the organization to step in. "We asked the elves to bake outside until the area has received sufficient rainfall," said Megan Hagginson, NBSC Vice President. The tree, located in Fairmount Park, has been under the watch of the NBSC recently due to failing a smoke detector inspection in August. "But we bake great cookies," said one of the elves.

Fire pole accident ruins marketing stunt for Dubai Tower

Yesterday, the still-rising Burj Dubai Tower, in Dubai, UAE, conducted a highly unusual and dangerous marketing stunt with the world's longest fireman's pole slide.

The 1,885 ft tower--which will eventually terminate at around 2,700 ft--now the world's tallest structure, features a 1,883 ft fireman's pole that runs directly down the center of the building. The Burj pole obliterated the previously held record by more than 1800 ft.

The opening ceremony called for a UAE-trained stuntman to negotiate the 1883 feet non-stop to the building's lobby where he would be met with fireworks, candy and cake.

At the last minute, however, the stuntman was replaced with a tower construction worker for unknown reasons. The slide, expected to take 40 minutes, would make it into the book of records when completed.

After commencing, the inexperienced construction worker quickly reached a speed of 75mph creating intense frictional heat. Workers on every floor sensed trouble and began dousing the man with water as he screeched by.

The heat was too overpowering and soon set the man afire. By the 50th floor he was engulfed in flames. By the 30th floor the man had fallen victim to the heat and fire. By the 20th floor he looked like a comet. And by the time he reached the lobby he was a charred, unrecognizable carcass startling the party goers.

"We didn't know the heat would reach that level, the smell was horrific," said a sullen Jimmy Mustafa, a tower representative. "We think he passed away somewhere between the 30th and 25th floors and the poor guy just kept hanging on."

Stuntman Tommy Ali noted,"I had a feeling that would happen."