Love Park fountain will use water this year, not gasoline

The gasoline fountain in Love Park at 16th and JFK Blvd has long been a symbol of the "endless supply" of natural resources that our planet holds. Fairmount Park officials, who oversee the popular downtown square, under pressure from environmentalists, have decided to discontinue the use of gasoline in favor of water.

"Maybe our natural resources are not be as abundant as we previously thought," said Fairmount Park Commission official, Dan Glossman.

For nearly four decades, the fountain has spewed gasoline thirty feet into the air as onlookers sat upwind. "I'm a bit sad. I think I'll miss the days of coming to the park and smelling the gasoline and seeing the crazy rainbows form from the the fuel's mist," said Carl Perez, formerly of the Fairmount neighborhood.

Many loved the fountain for keeping the smokers away. "It was truly the only park in the city that had to be smoke-free. That's what I loved about the gasoline fountain," said Gayle Muhum, of Old City.

Edward Bacon designed the park's fountain specifically for gasoline in 1969, which make many believe the conversion to water would have greatly upset the city planner. "He'd be pissed off like so many others are," said Perez.

It's official: Top floors of Comcast Center will be open-air

The top floors of the new 57-story Comcast Center rising above Center City Philadelphia will be the world's first open-air skyscraper according to AAAAAA (American Assoc. of Architect's Architecture and Acute Angles),

Workers will now have the option to breath fresh air while at their desks and not recycled air for hours on end. Windows are being replaced by thousands of high-tech screens.

"Yes, it will be very windy up there, but the trade off is very good," said Jimmy Comcast, head of the AAAAAA, when asked about the wind factor. Mr. Comcast is not affiliated with the cable/communications company.

With wind gusts that regularly measure 50 mph at the 57th floor, Comcast Corp. has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in paper weights and paper weight technology.

"To be honest, this whole project would not have been possible if paper weight technology was not where it is today. Architects and engineers dreamed of a 'screened-in' skyscraper long ago, but knew paper would be flying all around because of the lack of paper weight technology and high wind speeds," said David Morascan, head of Comcast's van and truck fleet.

The structure will only be open-air during the warmer months of the year and special curtains will be used during rain storms. "It's going to be a great summer," said Comcast employee, Debbie Cortstil.

Eagles to play all league's bird teams for first time in a good while

The National Football League released individual team schedules today including dates and times. The Philadelphia Eagles will play 16 games this year over the course of 17 weeks. They will also play four games that do not count before the season even begins. The schedule also has a few games beginning at 1PM Eastern time.

But what stands out most on the schedule is the fact that the Eagles are playing all of the league's teams whose mascots are also birds.

The Baltimore Ravens, Seattle Seahawks, Atlanta Falcons and Arizona Cardinals are all on the Birds schedule for the first time since the late 90's, early 00's or maybe ever. "It's nuts. Sure it's cool to have some prime time games, but playing all the bird teams is something I have waited a long time for," said Vince Mullen, a fan from South Philadelphia.

The "Bird Teams" of the NFL have always had a special relationship that other teams strive to develop. So strong was the bond that the teams started a club in 1985 called Feather Football to discuss what it was like to have a bird mascot.

"The teams and the coaching staff would gather twice during the season, as they do now, and once during the off-season to develop unity and discuss 'bird topics,'" said Buddy Ryan, Eagles coach from 1986-90.

The Ravens are the newest member of the club joining in 2001, five years after their move from Cleveland. "We made a rule that to join Feather Football a team has to be in the league (or named a after a bird in the Ravens case) for five years," said Feather Football President, Brad Goebel.

Delta and Northwest merge to create Dorthwelta

The merging of Northwest Airlines and Delta Airlines has created the world's largest airline-Dorthwelta. "The new name is inviting and comforting to passengers. We tested the name inside Atlanta and Peach Tree-area malls and it was a smashing hit," said Dorthwelta's new CEO, Paul Rorey.

The new airline will be based in Atlanta, the current main hub of Delta, and serve only the state of Georgia. There will be 65 daily flights between Atlanta and Macon and 200 between Savannah and Stone Mountain.

The future of Northwest hubs such as Detroit, Minneapolis and Cincinnati are uncertain. "Unfortunately, we're actually pretty certain about those cities' futures," said Rorey.

The merger is not expected to affect the overall poor performance of Philadelphia International Airport arrivals, departures and baggage claim. "This shouldn't affect us," said PHL rep, Jim Toronelli, "we should be able to maintain our level of under-performance just fine."

Caps fans can't agree on team history, but are enjoying season anyway

The Washington Capitals are back in the NHL playoffs for the first time since the 2002-03 season. The team had a late-season surge that helped them push past the Carolina Hurricanes and capture the Southeastern Division title, their first since 2000-01.

Though the team has played in the city since 1974 few inside and around the beltway knew they existed. Club history seems to vary greatly among fans.

Graig Quinire,34, of College Park, MD, is a die-hard Washington Capitals fan who has been captivated by the team's surprise success this year.

"The history of the club is kind of funny and interesting. They were an expansion team starting in the 1997-98 season when they went to the Stanley Cup Finals. Awesome year! Then they moved to some other city and came back this year," said Quinire, vice president of the Prince George's County Capitals Fan Club. The fan club has existed for about a week and claims 35 dues paying members.

Others don't recall the team before this season or last season. "This is the team's first year. Wait, how long has Ovechkin been here? Anyway, I've supported this team for as long as Ovechkin has been here. Which I think is this year," said Carl Gorberg,22, of Chevy Chase, MD.

Gorberg is referring to the Capitals' superstar left winger Alex Ovechkin who finished the regular season with a mind numbing 65 goals.

One fan seemed certain of the history. "They were definitely here in 1997-98 then moved to Hartford where they became the Whalers. Then in 2001 they merged with the Winnipeg Jets. They moved back to DC this season, but not until the 81st game of the year," said James Rurrent,42, of Washington.

Whatever fans define as their history the Capital seems to be enjoying the Capitals.

Residents of Wyoming, Colorado and Utah excel at Tetris

Scientists have reported that residents of three western US states-Colorado, Utah, and Wyoming- score higher on average than the other 47 states in the union on the once mega-popular video game Tetris.

Experts decided to study the trend when 15 out of the last 16 National Tetris Champions was either born or resided in one of these three states. "Last year I attended the annual Tetris Champions luncheon and, after hours of mingling, realized that the winners all had Wyoming, Utah, and Colorado in common in some way. It was quite fascinating, so I wanted to know why," said University of Pennsylvania video game analyst and tester, Dr. Peter Stringer.

The three states have something in common that no other state can claim. What is it?

Stringer, using test tubes and safety goggles, launched a four month investigation to answer this question.

"Tetris is a game of shapes and strategy. The lines are straight and not angled or curved. Wyoming, Utah, and Colorado are the only states that do not have a single natural border. They are blocks. And in Utah's case, a block with a small block on top," said Stringer.

The UPenn expert went on to say that residents born there or that live there are more aware of shapes and where to place those shapes during a fast-moving shape-themed video game.

"At first we included New Mexico in our results, but then realized that the Rio Grande River is actually a border between Texas and New Mexico for a short distance," said Stringer.

New Jersey and Florida residents scored the lowest with only only one straight border in the north with New York. "New Jersey has the Delaware on one side and the Hudson and the Atlantic on the other."

Borrower offers to return inter-library loan book to home library; librarian unsure

Cynthia Hammons, of Pennsport, borrowed a book from the Free Library of Philadelphia using an inter-library loan almost three weeks ago. "They didn't have the book so I thought this was the way to go," said Hammons.

The Library was able to get the book, Chalk on the Eraser, for Hammons from the Alleghany Library in Pittsburgh. Libraian Tom Forn unnecessarily explained that"The book arrived in a large yellow envelop."

Hammons read the book in just over two weeks and was planning a business trip to Pittsburgh when she noticed that the book was borrowed from the "Steel City."

"I saw the book had to be returned to Pittsburgh and so I called and offered to take the book back during my trip and they told me they would get back to me."

Forn admitted that in all of his years at the library he has never had a borrower offer to return an inter-library loan book to its original location. "It's not that I don't trust her, it's just that I wonder what will happen to the book. I mean...what if she gets busy or can't find the time to do it. And it's a little wacky."

Heimlich, 88, throws out first pitch for Mets home opener

Dr. Henry Heimlich returned to New York today to throw out the ceremonial first pitch for the Mets home opener against the Philadelphia Phillies. Heimlich received a standing ovation from the crowd and a smattering of boos when his pitch fell 10 feet short of the catcher in Shea Stadium's final home opener.

"We could've really used him at the end of last season," said Mets third baseman, David Wright.

Henry Heimlich graduated from New Rochelle Rochelle High School, just outside of New York, in 1937 and was a devoted Mets fan starting the the early 1980's. Heimlich was in attendance during the 1986 World Series victory."I really thought they were going to choke in '86," said Heimlich during an interview in 2002.

The Mets are using the doctor, most well-known for his Heimlich Maneuver, as a rallying symbol for the 2008 season to prevent a repeat of 2007. "The player and coaches will be wearing a Heimlich patch on their right sleeves for the duration of the season," said Mets manager Willie Randolph.

The Mets also announced that they will be molding a diagram of the Heimlich maneuver into the back of every plastic seat at their new ballpark-Citi Field. The Mets will begin play there at the start of the 2009 season. "Our team can choke, but we don't want any of our fans choking. Citi Field will offer top notch food and beverages for the whole family. This is a safety issue...and sort of a prank," said Mets representative, Dan Umara.

Thousands of pounds of Vaseline can't keep protesters off Golden Gate

The California Department of Transportation began covering the large suspension cables of the Golden Gate Bridge with Vaseline over five months ago in anticipation of protesters scaling the structure to protest the use of Vaseline to prevent protesting.

"We spent over $200 million to cover the cables with the goo to make them impossible to climb," said CalDOT spokesman, Jessy Chordly.

The time and money spent to prevent the climbing of the cables turned out to be for naught. Three protesters were able to maneuver up the massive steel supports to a height of 30 yards above the road decking.

Specifically, the individuals were expressing their anger at the usage of Vaseline by universities to prevent students from climbing field goal posts and tearing them down in celebration of important football victories.

"This is a victory for all who want to climb a field goal post, rip it down, and carry it out of the stadium," said protester, Nancy Srukow.

CSX:'Graffiti likely done while train was stopped.'

The rail freight company CSX has reported, after an internal investigation, that the recently discovered graffiti donning the side of a Waste Management rail container is the work of graffitists.

Officials also feel that the painting took place while the train was stopped and not moving. "The lettering is top notch. If this person did this on a moving train than I want to meet them. We could find a place at CSX for such a talented individual," said CSX director of operations, Lyle Drummind.

The graffitist, who goes by COWA-Can of Woop Ass, claimed he performs better on moving trains. "That particular work was done on a slow moving train, maybe 10 miles per hour. I realize it's hard to believe, but that's what I do best," said the artist.

Drummind was incredulous at the idea of spraying while moving. "No, I don't believe it. How would one support oneself on the side of a car?"

The artist, who is missing an arm, would not declare his methods for painting while in motion, but said that it involves several belts, a rolling pin, a nap sack and a handful of old cashew shells. "They're all critical components, but that's all I'm going to say."

Maybelline ok's "Maybe it's Valvoline"

Maybelline Inc. has given final permission for Valvoline Inc. to "borrow" it's well known ad slogan-"Maybe it's Maybelline"-for the next six months. Valvoline will begin running tv advertisements that feature, "Maybe it's Valvoline."

"We'll show an engine that is performing at a high level and ask the audience whether or not it was born with it. Then the ad will close with,'Maybe it's Valvoline,'" said Grahm Pintos, Valvoline media relations associate.

Maybelline officials agreed that it might affect sales, but were not sure whether that affect would be positive or negative. "It could be positive, but then it could also be the opposite of that. We'll have to see. I won't lie, I'm very nervous about the whole thing," said Maybelline guru, Ned Hanst.

Sunoco tv's drawing large crowds of non-customers

Sunoco gas stations across the region have begun installing televisions at the pumps to entertain customers as they fill their tanks. "We wanted to reward our loyal customers for choosing Sunoco and we now seem to be drawing non-customer audiences for sporting events and HBO programing," said Sunoco rep, Karen Mills.

Specifically, Mills is referring to the 22nd St and Walnut St Sunoco, which has seen crowds of up to 60 people gather on the 22nd St. sidewalk to view the screens. "It's nice because I don't have HBO and when my favorite shows are on I come down with my beach chair and set up here on the sidewalk," said viewer, Brent Cordon.

"I am planning to have my Super Bowl party here next year,' said Jim Gloss, of Fitler Square.

The monitors are positioned high enough so that customers filling their tanks do not interfere with the sight lines of the viewers on the sidewalk. In addition to unobstructed views comes the possibility of providing an audience member with a remote control. "It would be sweet to do some channel surfing out here," said Gloss.

Food sales in the convenient store have soared as it has become Sunoco's top grossing mini-market. "We never anticipated the ripple effect of placing tv's at the pumps. Our candy sales have skyrocketed," said Mills.

So grab a lawn chair and buy a Snickers or a chicken hot dog and join the crowd at 22nd and Walnut for a playoff Flyers game or an episode of The Office.

Nike backs off "Air Gordons" idea

The Nike Corporation has been looking to introduce a shoe to baseball that would send shockwaves through the sport. The shoe company thought they had their man, but may begin a new search after Phillies' reliever Tom Gordon suffered a meltdown in the ninth inning yesterday.

"Air Gordons were going to be to baseball what Air Jordans are to basketball and hockey," said Nike rep, Dan Glin.

Gordon was all set to sign a five year deal with Nike that would have paid the 40 year old $50 million to place his name on the spikes. "At this time we feel like we need to go in a different direction and it really has nothing to do with injuries, age or performance," said Glin.

Gordon expressed disappointment but hinted that retirement was nearing anyway. "I am really considering retirement. So the last four years of the contract would have probably been voided anyway."

City introduces hemorrhoid-friendly benches

The Fairmount Park Commission has introduced several hemorrhoid-friendly benches throughout the park's Kelly Drive corridor. The nation's largest urban park is slightly behind other large cities such as Los Angeles, Detroit and Seattle when it comes to the interest of the hemorrhoid-inflicted. "We're not the first, butt(he laughs) we should've gotten our asses in gear a while ago," said FPC director Sean Hamstein.

The 9,200 acre park system's director wants to install 300 of these benches before the end of the year in addition to the four that currently line the Schuylkill River. If this number is reached it would give the city the most rear-friendly seats in the country. "We would be the unquestionable leader in this movement," said Hamstein.

Are the benches comfortable? "I love them," said jogger, Carolyn Mendez,"they bring me back to the time when I was able to sit comfortably all the time. I actually just ordered two from the city."

"Freakin' awesome," said park enthusiast Stan Vinstill. Vinstill, as most who frequent the park, thought that the benches were the work of vandals. "It's a revolutionary idea and it really appears as if the bench was vandalized."

Hamstein wanted to stress to the public that though the benches are designed for certain folks that they can and should be enjoyed by all. "It's not as if the FP police will come up and ask to see your hemorrhoids if you're sitting on the benches. So sit back, relax and enjoy." He also noted that sometime in the future that bench users may be asked to carry a type of hemorrhoid identification card.

Usher from Sec. 826: 'Opening Day always means I got 80 more of these *&^%$*& things to go.'

Citizens Bank Park usher Don Fezzer,93, of Section 826, has been showing people to their seats in Philadelphia since Louisiana was a territory. "I hate it. I hate coming to the park. I hate the traffic. I gotta stand the entire nine innings and listen to drunkards. Opening Day always means I got 80 more of these ******* things."

Fezzer hails from the Port Richmond neighborhood of Philadelphia where he has lived all of his life. His wife Gail,91, of seventy years, often comes to the games and knits one of their eight great-grand children a sweater vest. "I like to come and just sit and knit," said Gail Fezzer.

Don no longer makes the trek up the steps to show people which row is theirs. "I just point up the steps and then they just sort of go up the steps and look at the numbers. I always see them looking down at the ground and I forget they are reading the row numbers."

Fezzer was never a baseball fan and in fact loathed the sport. "I hate baseball. All kinds of fans will try to talk baseball with me and ask what are my greatest memories and I tell them when the final out comes with each game is the best time. They say, 'where were you when this happened and where were you when that happened' and I say, 'unfortunately, I was watching.'"

When the Phillies played in the stadium known as the Baker Bowl in North Philadelphia, Fezzer was there. When they moved several blocks into Connie Mack Stadium, Fezzer was there. And when they moved south into Veterans Stadium, Fezzer was there. "I've seen a lot of baseball, but I can honestly say that I have no idea what a double-play is."

Mt Saint Mary's, UT-Arlington, Portland St, Miss Valley St not in Final Four

The four 16th ranked teams-Mt Saint Mary's, UT-Arlington, Portland St, Miss Valley St- in the NCAA Men's basketball tournament did not make the Final Four in San Antonio, TX this year. This would have been the first year that the lowest ranked teams in all four regions would have advanced to the final weekend of the tournament had they won four games. Instead the four teams combined to win zero games.

"I took a chance on one of my 28 on-line brackets and picked Portland State beating Mississippi Valley State in the finals," said Dave Rogers, a college basketball fan.

"It really would have been remarkable had the 4 mega-underdogs been able to make the trip to Texas. I guess you can say they were Texas-sized underdogs," said NCAA vice president of athletic competition.

Marisa Tomei visits Frida Gallo exhibit?

Actress Marisa Tomei, in Philadelphia over the weekend for a fundraiser, visited the Art Museum's Frida Kahlo exhibit on Saturday afternoon. Tomei admits, however, that she thought she was visiting the Frida Gallo exhibit.

"Since I was a little girl I always thought it was Gallo," said a very surprised Tomei.

Art historian, Frank Lidden, believes that Frida's last name was originally Gallo, but later changed it to Kahlo to prevent a Mexican judge from discovering her identity.

"Looking at documents it appears she was originally Gallo, but I can't prove anything," said Lidden.

Lidden went on to say that Kahlo may have also used the name Kallo before finally settling on Kahlo. "She may have used several names that sounded very similar. I also am a big fan of Marisa's."

Bridge man demanded secret Whitman poems be published

For hours yesterday Johnny L Reed kept New Jersey and Pennsylvania Police in a standoff on the Walt Whitman Bridge creating traffic chaos throughout the region. Reed drove to the middle of the bridge and stopped his white SUV where he then exited the vehicle holding a baseball bat.

Lt. Jim Scott of the New Jersey State Police was overseeing the situation on the bridge. "I was at Arby's when I got the call." Scott says that he frequents the restaurant at least twice during the week and twice during the weekend. "He was demanding that the lost or secret poems of Walt Whitman be made public to... the public," said Scott.

Reed is a Whitman super-fan and historian and recently discovered that up to 40 poems of the great poet were never published. When Kyle Whitman, relative and poet, refused Reed access to the "secret poems" he drove to the bridge.

"He was yelling poetry at the vehicles that passed by him on the bridge. He was holding a bat and took swings at a few passing cars. He also tried to bunt a motorcycle," said Scott.

Whitman died in 1892 at age 72 in Camden, NJ. The bridge was named for Whitman because of his 1879 poem titled "Bridge Over Delaware." The poem describes a grand suspension bridge that will "bring keystones to gardens and gardens to keystones."

Sixers will hold a night to honor Webber

The Philadelphia 76ers have announced that they will be conducting a promotion involving Webber Grills either at an upcoming game or early next season. The team expressed interest in a "first 500 fans" type of night. The give-away would likely be coupons toward a Webber Grill or perhaps a chance to win a grill at halftime. "We're excited. We think it'll be a great night to honor one of the best grills in the business. You can always count on this Webber. This Webber comes to cook every night. It's a dependable product," said Sixers marketing director, David Mulley.

Thousands of grandmothers being used by Frito-Lay to make Grandma's brand cookies

You've seen them on the shelves at the end of aisles in 7-11's, Circle K's, Wawa's or maybe at a gas station. Maybe you've passed them thinking that they were just like any other mass-produced cookie. Maybe you were one of the few who knew the secret and kept it to yourself. Well, now the secret is out.

Frito-Lay is employing thousands of grandmothers in their Plano, TX factory to make their Grandma's Homestyle Cookies brand. For years the giant snack food company has placed the image of a sweet grandmother on the wrapper of the cookies to give customers that homemade feeling. The company wanted to demonstrate that the cookies are from a comfortable place- your grandmother's kitchen. Well, they are.

"I love the cookies but I always thought they were machine-produced somewhere in Guam or something," said cookie enthusiast Kyle McGeckrin.

The cookies are not made in Guam, but in Texas at a high tech factory where each cookie is handmade by one of the 7556 grandmother bakers. "It takes the right amount of polydextrose and crystalline fructose and the perfect combination of ammonium bicarbonate with a pinch of partially hydrgenated soybean oil to make the perfect cookie," said Ethel Gummerson, 87, a cookie maker with Frito-Lay since 2005. It was not always this way.

About five years ago,, a year after the Grandma's Homestyle Cookie line debuted, Frito-Lay launched a massive grandma recruiting campaign. The campaign urged grandma's from around the country to move to Plano to "become expert bakers." Ads in many national papers read, "Do you like making cookies? Are you a grandma? Do you like warm weather? Do you like to get paid? Then come join Frito-Lay in Texas."

For the first year of the brands existence the cookies were made in Plano by robot-controlled machines. "We still called them Grandma's Cookies, but there wasn't a grandma within 10 miles of the factory," said Frito-Lay packaging director, Flint Tyler.

Company officials estimate that around 95% of the grandmas come to Frito-Lay at their own will, while the rest are dropped off by family members in the middle of the night. Both willing and unwilling are compensated generously by Frito-Lay. Gummerson would not be specific but said she made around $40,000, but sometimes had to work 75 hour weeks.

Company officials insist that the grandmothers are very well taken care of and are actually housed on the factory premises. "Many of the Grandma's are in wheel chairs which is why the factory floor was built on a 15 degree angle toward the housing compound. The dorms are at the bottom of the slope so when the grandmas are tired they can coast home," said Tyler.

So the next time you purchase a Grandma's brand cookie from Frito-Lay remember that a grandmother in a window-less factory in Plano put her heart and soul into it.

Prankster:'Yes, I locked only a wheel to the bike rack so people would think the bike was stolen.'

Donald Kriener, of Philadelphia's Fishtown section, admitted to locking only a front tire from an old bike to a 30th Street Station bike rack giving the impression to a passerby that the bike was stolen. Kriener said the tire came from a late 1980's Panasonic 10-speed and that the frame and back tire are resting safely at his home on Corpral St. "I thought it would be funny to make people think that someone made off with the bike. Sometimes I would sit next to the tire and sob and cry out, 'why me, why me.'"

Most travelers entering the station did not find the prank funny and actually felt a heightened sense of concern. "I passed the tire last week and couldn't help but feel so bad for the owner. I was thinking about it all day. I actually left work early later that day," said Amy Korrigan, a resident of Bryn Mawr, Pa. She admitted later that she had to leave work early because of a doctors appointment.

"I haven't ridden a bike in over 20 years so I have to say that I didn't even notice the tire," said commuter, Dale Glamtin.

Another Septa commuter had a different take on the tire. "I really thought that it was a uni-cycle and that the rider had taken the seat with them. I was even a bit excited that there may be a small circus going on inside the station as I was walking to catch my train," said Gilbert Vincent, of Coil Springs, PA.

Security at 30th St. Station reported that over 100 passengers had inquired about the lone tire on the Schuylkill River side of the region's largest the rail hub. "Believe it or not one guy actually suggested that someone may have locked only the tire to get a reaction from people. I told the guy he was nuts. Boy, am I really embarrassed right now," said Higgins McGee, head of Septa security.

Kriener hinted that he may be responsible for other lone tires around the city and that he was currently cooperating with police to correct the pranks and put the public at ease.

Martelli disappointed by loss, happy with season

Drake gets upset, eases pain with coffee cake

Drake University, located in Des Moines, IA, was ousted today from the NCAA men's basketball tournament after being ranked 14th in the nation by both the AP and USA Today/ESPN Polls. The school was hoping for a strong showing in the tournament after having one of the most successful seasons in school history.

The University was able to soften the blow of the loss by giving the players all the Drake's Coffee Cake they could eat. "That's what we're known for," said ulumnus, Kathy Stuggert. "We've been giving the country great coffee cake and other treats for years.

It has also been a policy of the school not to give the students or student athletes free Drake's snacks. But the University decided to bend the rules. "These kids worked hard all year and they fell short of their goal, but we wanted to give them some of the great snacks that we make here as a way to aid the healing process," said Drake board member, Tom Higgins.

ACLU to NCAA: 'Let's call it March Irrationality'

The American Civil Liberties Union has issued a statement urging NCAA officials to refer to the men's and women's championship basketball tournament as March Irrationality instead of March Madness.

"We just feel that irrationality is more acceptable and politically correct than 'madness,'" said ACLU vice president, Jim Sexton. "This isn't totally our thing, but ..."

The NCAA copyrighted the phrase several years ago as a synonym for the super-popular college playoff system, and it has been a huge success with fans.

"I love March Madness. That's what I call it. I don't say, 'I love the NCAA field of 64 Championship Tournament,'" said Indiana University basketball fan, Scott Gimbel. "But, March Irrationality also has a certain something."

The NCAA did not return calls or emails for this story but did send a text message that they would consider March Mania, March Helter Skelter in the Sports Shelter, March and Early April Craziness, and Late March Early-April Unbelievableness.

I-95 mess gives great idea to entrepreneur

Milton Besinger, an entrepreneur from Bensalem, PA, was sitting in traffic caused by the shut down of Interstate-95 yesterday when he came up with a great idea. On Monday engineers discovered a large crack in a concrete pillar that supports the interstate between Allegheny and Girard Avenues.

"I've been sitting in this mess for hours and I got to thinking and it just popped into my head," said Besinger.

Besinger hopes the idea is a success. "Whether or not I can make any money from the idea depends on whether the idea is a success."

Gravel great for collecting and investing

The end of winter means the beginning of collecting for Jeff Horland of Britains Corner,Pa. Though the Philadelphia area had a mild winter with few snow and ice storms the suburban streets are strewn with gravel do to generous plowmen.

Unlike the city many suburban municipalities do not have street cleaning to collect the loose gravel that can be a hazard to children and pets. "It's just not in our budget so we rely on the residents to clean the street in front of their house," said Kimberly Caln, Township president in Britains Corner,Pa.

This is where the retired Horland comes in to not only clean the neighborhood but add to his ever growing gravel collection. "Honestly, cleaning is like the 2nd or 3rd reason for picking it up. I am a gravel collector and have been for almost 15 years."

When Horland began collecting gravel in 1994 the stone mixture went for twelve cents an ounce. In the time since then gravel has increased to twenty cents an ounce. "It's not silver, but I am able to make a living from it," said Horland.

Gravel is traded on the New York Commodities market and is currently listed at $0.197. Gravel hit an all-time high at $0.27 in 1996 when the Northeast experienced a severe blizzard.

"This is a collection I am very proud of and the buckets and buckets of gravel show that I not only like gravel but that I have a lot of it."

Sixers, Flyers, Eagles, Phils consider relocation after latest skyscraper proposal

Philadelphia's four major professional sports teams-Flyers,Sixers,Eagles,Phils-are now considering relocation after news broke about a planned 1500 ft skyscraper to be constructed at 18th and Arch Streets in Center City.

Relocation talk sprouts from the "Curse of William Penn"-the belief that no Philadelphia team has won a championship since the modern skyline passed the brim of William Penn's hat atop City hall in 1987. The Sixers were the last team to capture a title in 1983 the same year that city officials agreed to permit buildings to breakthrough Penn's ceiling.

There was no official law limiting the height of the city's buildings but several architects were put to death for proposing such plans. Renown Philadelphia architect Gilbert Torchester was hung in 1906 in the City Hall court yard for mentioning to a friend that,"one day I will look down on William Penn."

The four teams believe that the curse is confined to the city limits and therefore plan on moves to one of the surrounding Pennsylvania or New Jersey counties.

"It stinks because we just got a new stadium," said David Montgomery, Phillies president. Already the town of Cape May, NJ seems to be the frontrunner for landing the Phils as they have plans for a 40,000-seat stadium in the heart of the historic district. "We'll have to rid the town of some of these hideous Victorian homes, but I think we can get it done," said Cape May Borough Chair, Tara Freeman.

Chester County has contacted the Eagles about a possible stadium site in the Great Valley Corporate Center with easy access to the Pennsylvania Turnpike and Route 202.

"This stinks because we just got a new stadium," said Jeffrey Lurie, Eagles owner. Lurie was very excited about the Chester County site but wanted to consider all the options.

"The curse is serious business which is why relocation is serious business. Having to move stinks because the Wachovia Center is only 12 years old," said Flyers president, Ed Snider. Reading and Norristown seem to be very interested in the Sixers and Flyers respectively.

Biron gives up goal during "emergency" team meeting

The Philadelphia Flyers called a players-only meeting after losing 7-1 to the Pittsburgh Penguins today. The team has now lost four straight games and six of their last eight. With only nine games remaining their hold on the 8th and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference is quickly slipping away.

For a player to talk during the meeting they must be holding a bright orange puck called the "parrot puck." The captains and assistant captains moderate the meeting and open the floor for opinions and ideas after initial statements.

During the meeting Flyer forward Jeff Carter was able to get a puck past goalie Matin Biron. "We were sitting in the locker room and I had just suggested instituting the "trap" when Marty raised his hand to speak. I flipped the puck towards Marty and it went right by him into his equipment bag," said Carter. However, Biron claimed that it was slightly redirected by Daniel Briere.

Captain Jason Smith witnessed the incident and ripped into the goalie in front of the team. "He yelled something about a beach ball, something about cheese, and a your-blocker joke. Also, I did not tip the puck," said forward, Danny Briere.

U.S. Olympic Archery Team misses Target

The U.S. Olympic Archery Team was scheduled to attend the grand opening of the Pottstown,Pa Target but found themselves in the nearly empty parking lot of the company's Pottsville,Pa store. "They missed the intended Target," said Pottstown store manager, Gale Minard.

The company recently decided to become an official sponsor of the team for the Beijing games. "We don't sell archery equipment so I never really saw how the partnership would make sense, but then our marketing team pointed out what should have been obvious," said Tom Vernon, Target CEO.

The team was quickly shuttled the 56 miles to the Pottstown store where they fired burning styrofoam arrows into the waiting crowd. Strapped to the arrows were $100 gift cards. "Most of the cards unfortunately melted in-flight," said Vernon. "But the crowd had a great time."

"We go to Target almost twice a day for this and that because they gave us like $500 worth of gift cards," said team captain, Fred Higgins. Fans should remember Higgins from the Greek games as the archer who,after an injury, had to compete with one arm and still captured the silver.

Conventioneers: 'For God's sake, please turn down the strength of the coffee cup magnet.'

Visitors to the Pennsylvania Convention Center in Philadelphia have openly requested that the staff reduce the strength of the coffee cup magnet that stands under the escalator near the 13th St and Arch St entrance.

"There's no way the magnet is suppose to be that strong. I was standing with my wife drinking coffee, maybe 15 feet away, and the cup was violently stripped from my hand," said Dale Foster, of Easton, Pa.

"I saw one gentleman actually attempting to drink the remaining coffee from his cup while it was sticking to the magnet," said Gretta Simon, a visitor from Medford, NJ in town for the Flower Show. "He asked if anyone had extra sugar."

The Convention Center has admitted to increasing the strength of the magnet over the years to account for heavier coffee mugs. "It's a fact of life. Coffee cups have gotten heavier because people like their coffee served hotter these days," said PCC manager, Steve Hawthorne.

Experts have proven that on average coffee serving temperatures have increased 2.3 degrees Fahrenheit over the past 3 years. This has caused cup manufacturers to increase the thickness of the cup's sides thereby making them heavier.

Though Philadelphia city law prevents coffee cup magnets from exceeding 20 on the strength scales the PCC site registered a 27, according to NCCMSWG(National Coffee Cup Magnet Strength Watch Group). "Why do you think the Starbucks across the street has changed to paper and Styrofoam cups," said Maggy Telmin, NCCMSWG director.

"The city tested it two weeks ago and it registered a 19. NCCMSWG is always coming out here and stirring up magnet trouble," said Hawthorne. "They need to go back to Washington and worry about the real problem...teacup magnets.