Sign confusion may lead to cast of What's Happening coming to Phila

Several weeks ago a sign (pictured above) was placed just off the Schuylkill Banks river trail about 100 yards before reaching Martin Luther King Blvd heading west (or north). The board, on the site of a future skate park, was meant to explain the recent construction and changes being made to one of the city's newest parks.

The notice, however, was not clear to the many who stopped to read it, or at least part of it. The misunderstanding caused by the sign has put the park in a very awkward position. The title at the top—What's Happening on Schuylkill Banks—led many, if not all, who passed to think actors from the hit 1970's TV show would be paying a visit to the Banks.

"I saw the sign and got really excited," said Barbara Miller, 37, of Fairmount. "I loved What's Happening growing up. I didn't even read the rest of the sign because I left to tell all of my friends."

Unfortunately for the park almost no one continued to read the remainder of the board beyond the title. Had they proceeded, recreationalists would have been briefed on the current upgrades the park was implementing for its throngs of users.

A few of the park's officials are somewhat confused at, well, the confusion over the sign. The park argues that the diagrams and question mark at the title's end should have immediately eliminated the TV sitcom meaning to passersby. Park users argue that the h in happening, however, was uppercase and gave the impression that it was a sitcom title.

"I think [Park users and the Banks] both messed up in this situation. Although, I will say that wouldn't we have included a picture of the cast on the sign if we meant the TV show?" said a Banks representative.

Other Schuylkill Banks officials feel horrible about the situation and have openly admitted that a Please Continue Reading note should have been included at the conclusion of the sign's title sentence.

The park's board voted yesterday and said it will make a valid attempt to bring the surviving cast members to the park: Ernest Lee Thomas (Roger), Haywood Nelson (Dwayne) and Danielle Spencer (Dee). Sadly, three cast members from the show have passed away including Fred Berry (Rerun) in 2003, Mabel King (Mama,Mabel) and Shirley Hemphill (Shirley) both in 1999.

The park plans to offer a generous appearance fee to bring the three actors to the Banks to sign autographs, pose for pictures, cheer on runners and joggers and help open the currently-under-construction gateway plaza. Also, as a joke, and obviously only if the cast attends, the three will read the entire sign to the public and not only the title. (The appearance fee would redirect funds from extending the trail and will delay its completion by two years.)

"Roger said he is definitely coming if the other two are coming. So now we're really negotiating with Dee and Dwayne," said Ralph Dwyer, a Banks representative.


"I have a new book out," said Haywood Nelson, who played Dwayne on the show. "So if they approve a large sign-and-buy book signing I will be in Philly."

Nelson, who has become an avid polo player since the show went off the air in 1979, co-authored Hay, Hay, Hay: Dieting your polo horse to the top, which was published in January 2009.

If the trio agrees to an appearance look for them in early to mid August along the mighty tidal Schuylkill.

Fairmount's Bastille Day apologizes for beheading Twinkie the Kid

Fairmount, Philadelphia--Organizers of Fairmount's Bastille Day celebration apologized yesterday for last weekend's public beheading of Twinkie the Kid, the mascot for one of America's favorite snack cakes. Part of the celebration of the French holiday includes throwing some 2,000 Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets from the towers of Eastern State Penitentiary and into packed Fairmount Avenue below. Not long ago, the twinkie almost became the preferred cake tossed over the walls, as the local Bastille Day festival threatened to change snack cakes. Some feel Tastykake put pressure on the organizers to behead the cartoon-like character to show Hostess, maker of Twinkies, who the official snack cake of Bastille Day truly is. The beheading of Twinkie the Kid was meant to solidify the bond between the celebration and Philadelphia's Tasty Baking Company—maker of Tastykakes. If the gathered crowd was unsure of what made up the insides of the Kid, they quickly found out as most were covered in creamy filling as soon as the guillotine's shiny blade dropped. Cream was found as far away as the famous Art Museum steps. "It was pretty frightening for the children. The blade was very, very, very sharp and his arms were still trying to throw a lasso even though his head was in a basket," said one onlooker.

Phils, Jays end suspense: van, minibike exchanged

Roy Halladay will not be leaving Toronto this year, at least not for Philadelphia. The The Phillies and Blue Jays have been in trade talks for Toronto's all-star pitcher Roy Halladay for almost ten days now and today the rumors came to an end.

A trade was completed earlier today, but not the deal that was expected by the baseball world. In a no-player deal the Phillies sent an old, fur-covered van to the Blue Jays in exchange for a fuel efficient minibike.

The deal included no cash, draft picks or current players as the two modes of transport were dealt straight up.

"We stole this thing away from them," said a Phils representative who wanted to remain anonymous. "This will be a key component to our playoff drive."

"We stole this thing away from them," said a Blue Jays representative who wanted to remain anonymous. "This will be a key component to the future of our club."

Phillies fans at first appeared disappointed then rejoiced at the acquisition of such a great minibike for only a dog-decorated van.

"Wow, they did it again," said a fan. "The minibike could be used for the bullpen or something."

Fox All-Star ad frightening children, players

The FOX advertisement for the 2009 St Louis MLB All-Star game began airing several weeks ago and has been criticized for scaring children and the players headed to the gateway to the west. The ad shows the famous St Louis Arch being used as an enormous magnet to attract All-Star players and fans from across the country and depositing them in Busch Stadium, site of the this year's mid-summer classic.

A large hand, possibly a giant, is shown lifting the arch from its base and moving it around the country gathering all it can. Towards the end of the commercial the "magnet" arrives in St Louis where the magnetic force is shut off, therefore dropping the hordes of people attached 50-60 ft down to the playing surface.

"My 9-year-old son is terrified that a giant metal arch is going to come out of the sky and carry him away," said Don Hafner, a Philadelphia Phillies fan. "He has refused to attend a game since the ads began."

As a single cloud passed in front of the sun over the weekend, casting a shadow on the first level seating at Citizens Bank Park, a minor panic ensued as several fans pushed towards the safety of the concourse yelling, "ARCH."

Although most traumatized by the promo have been children, players have also been affected by the advertisement.

"I have to admit that I often find myself looking up at the sky during games," said New York Yankees shortstop, Derek Jeter, a starter in this year's game. "It could really come from any direction."

Jeter's teammate Alex Rodriguez said he too watches for the Arch from the corner of his eye while in the field. The third baseman should relax as the arch only pulls in all-star players.

FOX issued a statement saying the ad would be changed so that the Arch lands on the field and players and fans will enter and exit the landmark through a small door at the base. The magnet theme will be nixed. Also, military helicopters, one being piloted by Cardinals all-star Albert Pujols, will replace the giant hand that violently tears the Arch from its base.

"We didn't think this through all the way," said a FOX Representative. "We never intended to upset young television viewers with the promo. I told them to use flying clydesdales instead, which would travel the country rounding up players and fans. Fans could feed the horses hay after landing in St Louis."

Altoona's MLB affiliate in town for weekend series

The Phillies are looking to end the first half of the season on a high note and continue a strong homestand when they begin a series tonight with the Altoona Curve's Major League affiliate the Pittsburgh Pirates. The all-the-sudden-home-game-winning Phillies hope playing Altoona's affiliate doesn't dampen the Bank's high energy atmosphere during the last series before the All-star break.

Altoona's affiliate is 38-47 this year with a firm hold on the National League Central division's last place. The team is headed for it's 16th consecutive losing season, which, incidentally, would tie a Phillies record from early in the 20th century.

Altoona, only a two-hour drive from Pittsburgh, has sent several players up to the Pirates for rehabilitation assignments so far this year. If a player sees three rivers he is either hurt or can't quite make it on the Curve.

"I hurt my knee early in May and I was on the DL," said Altoona's center fielder, Vince Bordon. "It was disappointing, but I was sent up to the Pirates for three games before I could return to the Curve. It was tough."

Being sent to the Curve's major league affiliate is not something that is easy for the team's manager to tell a young player. The attendance for home games is less than a quarter of what it is in Altoona and those that do show tend to sit in the stands and listen to CD's of this year's Super Bowl.

"It's not easy to call a kid into your office and tell him he's going up to the major league club ... even if it's for only one game," said Curve manager, Jim McShane.

"Once you make it to the show you want to stay at the show," said Pirates' first baseman, Adam LaRoche. "In Pittsburgh I can walk around the mall and not have to sign any autographs. I hear it's the opposite in Altoona."

LaRoche has been trying to make it down to the Curve since arriving in Pittsburgh three years ago. The California native realizes that hitting .256 with 12 home runs will not get a player down to the Curve.

"I have to perform better if I want to make it down to the Show," said LaRoche.

New bridge to give pedestrians easy access to 76

Schuylkill Banks has been making numerous improvements along its Center City river trail by adding decorative brick edges to portions of the paved walk, a lower, narrower riverside walk, access steps, bench areas and a gateway plaza near Martin Luther King Blvd.

The most costly addition to the Banks to date, however, a pedestrian bridge spanning the Schuylkill, is currently underway and will connect the trail to Interstate 76 on the west side of the river.

"At one time a bridge, we think an ancient railroad bridge, was standing in this spot," said Schuylkill Banks board member, Tara Worthern, standing on the east anchorage of the planned bridge, the only remaining part of the long ago span. "I'm committed to rehabbing lost structures."

The Banks' board of directors has made it clear that part of their mission to bring a park and greenway to Center City included restoring historic structures that once stood, or stand dilapidated, within the new park's boundaries.


Though the bridge will be constructed exactly like its "ancient" predecessor board members from other parks around the city are not sure the cost, $20 million, or its functionality make sense.

"Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not sure why pedestrians would desire access to I-76. Pedestrians are prohibited from that roadway anyway," said Washington Square board member, Nancy Brucker.

"I hate to use the term Bridge to Nowhere, but ... that's what it seems like," said Fitler Square president and CEO, Dennis Morgan. "That money could be spent on helping the trail reach its intended terminus at Fort Mifflin down by the airport."

Many involved in the city's park politics felt Morgan would fully support the Banks' bridge project because of his Fitler Square observation tower plan in 2007. The nearly-passed plan (missed by one vote) called for a 50-ft, $3 million tower at the northeast corner of the park and an exhibit on Thomas G. Fitler at the top. (Fitler Square was named after former mayor Edwin H Fitler. The proposed exhibit confused the other board members.)


Schuylkill Banks has said that it's more about the structure than where it leads. The park realizes that joggers, walkers and bikers will not be welcomed on I-76 once reaching the west side of the river.

"Maybe they could just jog on the shoulder or something? I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud." said Worthern. "Is PennDot ... I ... forget what I was going to say. How about that brick edging we put in last week, huh?"

Fireworks show to consist of sparklers, dancing Sunoco employees

The troubled economy has claimed yet another victim. Although the Sunoco Welcome America celebration will not be completely eliminating its fireworks display, it will be markedly cut back.

There have been several changes to this year's layout of the stage and an increase in areas around the Philadelphia Museum of Art restricted to the public.

"We moved the stage forward this year to make room for about two hundred Sunoco employees on the Art Museum steps," said a smiling Kyle Johns, a representative from Sunoco. "We know oil, but we also know how to celebrate the Fourth. And, let's face it, we know oil."

The Sunoco employees (including the Refinery Nine a cappella group) positioned on the famous steps will each be given a sparkler towards the end of the Sheryl Crow concert (the headline act of the night) and, as the music concludes, will light the sparklers at a given signal making a great spectacle for the onlookers close by.

"The sparklers will be the fireworks show for this year," said a frowning Johns. "It was either have nothing or have a couple hundred sparklers. I think it will all work out. I'm ready for a great concert."

Johns went on the say that the show will be entirely choreographed to music and each sparkler will be five inches longer to extend the show by 15 seconds, bringing the total burning/show time to just over 45 seconds. Sunoco covered the bill for the extra-long sparklers and got permission from the state to use the extra-long, illegal sparklers.

The city did not publicly announce the plans for the massively scaled back display and hope residents gathering for the show that are not within view of the steps will not be too disappointed.

"We thought there would be a large negative response to the sparkler show," said a city official, who would only give his name as H. "We are hoping police will subtly guide spectators closer to the stage for a better view."

Also considered for a fireworks substitute was one single, giant sparkler (possibly 20 ft in length) placed on the roof of the Art Museum. This idea was scrapped when experts predicted a 25-45 minute lighting time for the "giant fancy candle."

"You know how long it takes to light a normal-sized sparkler, think about a 20-footer, 8-inch diameter sparkler," said H.

Sunoco is encouraging all those attending the festivities along the Parkway to drive and "fuel up at one of our many area stations."

Rowing coaches critiquing joggers, picnickers

Running west along the Schuylkill River trail last week, during a rare, only partially cloudy day, I noticed, as I often do, the fleets of rowers on the slow-moving waterway. The sheer number of shells was like a scene from the movie Troy, without the sails or atrocious acting.

Mixed in among the rowers were a number of coaches, using bullhorns, directing, often yelling, orders at the amateur athletes: "You in the back, you're off by a split second. Step it up a notch. Most of you are not turning the oars properly. Don't break your scull. Flow, dammit, flow. Be lighter than the boat."

As I listened closely I began hearing commands that took my attention from the crowded trail ahead and back to the water.

"You call that a hoagie?" I heard shouted through the bullhorn. "You don't even have tomatoes on that thing."

Were the rowers eating on the boat? From my vantage point this was not the case. There was, however, a young couple sitting down by the bank of the river having a picnic and, yes, they were eating hoagies.

"What kind of blanket is that?" screamed the coach. "Looks like wool. It's summer out here buddy. Oh, look at me, I am sitting on a wool blanket in the summer. I need the attention that a wool blanket gives me in the hot summer."

The coach, and not just this coach, was critiquing and criticizing picnickers enjoying their spreads all along the waterfront.

As he steered the small, quiet boat upstream he moved to the next couple who was enjoying some wine and cheese.

"Looks like Boone's baby. At least spring for some Bartles and James. Oh, and sip the wine, don't gulp it."

The couple attempted to cover up the Boone's label, and did admit that "a nicer bottle of wine was only a few more dollars."

Most of the couples didn't really know what to make of the coach shouting at them. Some laughed, others pointed up with a certain finger and some countered with their own advice, often harsh, back across the water.

Just then I heard a second voice coming from my back left, another coach. "Get those knees up. Straighten your back. Get some real running shoes. Are those Velcro laces?"

They were not Velcro laces, I am proud to say, but I did realize that I was leaning forward quite a bit while running. For the remainder of the run I implemented the unsolicited advice and felt much better.


"Sure, we're out here to help the rowers," said University of the Arts men's rowing coach, Ben Baxter. "But we want to offer advice where ever we see fit to the throngs of recreationalists that gather along the river's bank. It would be silly if we didn't help out."

Many coaches claim they have been "helping the land lovers" for quite some time and, for whatever reason, it has only been noticed in the last couple of years.

A word of advice: if you don't want to be harshly judged on the chip selection accompanying your picnic than go with Cool Ranch Doritos, as they seem to be equally liked among the rowing coaches.

Softball time: Dobbs to play left center

Losers of 11 of their last 13 games the Philadelphia Phillies, in a desperation move, are planning to field an extra player during today's afternoon game against the Toronto Blue Jays in the once state of the art Rogers Center. The struggling Phils hope that a softball lineup, which includes 10 players (not nine) and is against league rules, will help end the horrid streak that has barely held the team atop the division standings. "We're going to play Dobbs in left center and hope, really hope, that the league does not notice," said Phillies' manager Charlie Manuel. The coach is referring to Phillies' pinch hitter extraodinair from a year ago Greg Dobbs. During his time as manager of the Cleveland Indians Manuel was able to play 10 players in the lineup on several occasions and get away with it, something made easier with the designated hitter rule. Dobbs plans to hide in the bullpen to start the game then quietly scale the wall and sidle in behind Shane Victorino in center field after several pitches. After an out or two Dobbs will slowly walk along the warning track to take his spot as the new left center fielder, hoping that he will blend in with the old SkyDome's backdrop. "I'm hoping they[the umpires] think Dobbs is an extra third base coach or a lost bull pen guy," said Manuel. Manuel is still uncertain how he plans to work Dobbs into the batting order.

The Pen: Is rosin bag cam too much?

On Monday night the second episode of Major League Baseball Network's highly watched showThe Pen aired, which follows, often closely, the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen both on and off the field.

There are multiple cameras that film the happenings in the "land beyond the outfield wall," but some, fans and media outlets, have started to ask if the series has gone too far.

During the first episode the rosin bag in the Phillies bullpen was shown several times--team's are very careful to divulge too much information about club-owned rosin bags. Usually placed on the backside of the mound, the powder rosin inside the bag is mainly to help pitchers keep their hands dry, but the rosin can also help prevent blisters.

There was such a positive response by the viewers after the initial episode last week calling for more rosin bag screen time that the network has decided to place two cameras on each of the pen's bags.

Appearing in the lower right and left hand corners of viewers' television screens this week were two Picture in Picture's (PIP) of each rosin bag. Even if the members of the pen were being shown at home with their families the two rosin bags will always appear on screen.

Where should the line be drawn when it comes to accessing professional athletes' lives, whether it's on the field or off?

"Giving all-access to the rosin bag just doesn't seem right. It's one thing to show the guys out fishing or grabbing a beer or partying, but showing the rosin bag, at least to that extent, is a bit much," said Phillies fan Hugh Franz, 46, of Wilmington, DE.

The cameras are fixed so if the bag happens to be picked up and used by a pitcher warming up the cameras will not follow. And should those same relievers throw the bag down out of the camera's view, then a MLB-hired assistant returns the bag to within the camera's range (marked by lines in the dirt on the mound).

"There is a line, but, honestly, I don't think they have crossed it yet," said Phillies' reliever Chad Durbin.

Durbin, who enjoys sending tweets (short messages from twitter) during games has denied a proposed Tweet cam by MLB for the television series. During the first episode a Phillies pitcher wearing number 37 was seen twittering (sending messages) in the pen, but his identity was concealed with a blurred face.

"My tweets are private," said the pitcher.

In any case, the huge increase in the amount of rosin bag coverage is here to stay. The fans spoke and Major League Baseball listened.

US considers annexing Baja for better symmetry

The United States government recently announced a plan that would call for peacefully annexing the Baja peninsula of Mexico. The administration has cited geographical symmetry as the main reason for a possible annexation of the mostly desert landscape and has therefore named the plan the Symmetry Act.

Advisers to Obama argue that if one were to fold the United States in half, roughly down the Mississippi River, that having two peninsulas at either end would be "much more pleasing on the eye."

"It makes sense because in the east we have this long peninsula of Florida and in the west there is the Baja ... just sitting there," said USGS peninsula specialist, Ty Culligan. "Also, I think Floridians have felt strange being the only true peninsula dwellers of the US."

Obama also points to the fact that children learning geography will make better maps and have an easier time learning states. A recent Cooper-Sinclair study revealed that almost 73% of our nations 4th graders felt Baja was already a part of America and was often included in crayon map drawings.

The Baja peninsula is made up of two Mexican states: Baja California and Baja California Sur. The rugged terrain extends nearly 800 miles from the Mexican-US border in the north to Cabo San Lucas in the south. It is sandwiched between the Pacific Ocean to the west and Gulf of California to the east. It is often called the "greatest peninsula of the world" by Peninsula Weekly.

Mexican officials who at first were threatened by a sizable loss in their overall land area, admitted that "having two large peninsulas framing a country would be neat."

Most Mexican officials in favor of the plan are calling for Cabo San Lucas, the resort town at the peninsula's most southern tip, to remain part of Mexico. The town's large number of dollar-toting tourists are a huge boost to the Mexican economy.

Others inside the government are appalled at the consideration of giving land to the US, while some even predicted the arrival of this request years ago.

"I knew this day would come," said Mexican official and Baja California Sur representative, Jose Montenerro. "This is why I proposed filling in the Gulf of California almost ten years ago."

Montenerro proposed a top secret plan in February of 1998 calling for the elimination of the body of water that separates Baja from mainland Mexico. The official was ahead of his time when he foresaw what the attraction of geographical symmetry for the neighbors to the north would mean to his country and literally called for the moving of mountains to prevent it.

A revised plan, also top secret, presented by Montenerro in 2000 called for constructing a 125-mile land bridge between La Ribera (the end of Baja) and Altata (the Mexican mainland) to alter the definition of the strip of land. Both plans, obviously were nixed.

"The International Federation of Peninsulas (IFP) would have stripped Baja of its peninsula status," said Montenerro. "Baja would have been worthless to the US."

Both Obama and Mexican president Felipe Calderon have assured citizens in both countries that nothing is set in stone as of now. The two are planning an August meeting in San Francisquito, Baja to discuss the details of the Symmetry Act.

Downed jetliner's search crew accused of chasing tail

Last week, the wreckage search crew looking for debris from Air France Flight 447 in the Atlantic Ocean discovered the tail of the aircraft. The airline and World Aviation Federation (WAF) officials are seeking answers to what caused the jetliner to lose altitude, or come apart at peak altitude, and crash into the ocean off the coast of west Africa.

The WAF has given those searching—more than 60 workers on 12 ships and five helicopters—direct orders to seek, and bring to the surface, only the jet's black box, also known as the flight data recorder.

Officials in charge of the search were disappointed and angered when the team recovered the tail of the plane last week, disregarding clearly stated instructions.

"They're always chasing tail when we need them to chase the black box. They look at finding the tail as a very manly thing. It's a competition among the entire group," said a very frustrated Marc Luc Gaulle, an Air France search and recovery specialist.

When the tail was brought to the surface at around 13:10 GMT, the boat's eight crew members used air horns and the two-way radio to alert the rest of the group that "they were all over that tail."

Some crew members were seen patting the tail lightly with an open palm as it broke the surface of the water, while a few divers wore speedos and sat directly on top the twisted metal.

"It took some serious persuasion and, not to mention, some negotiating, but we got some tail today," said Brazilian diver, Ronald Saldenha. "It's an important part in determining what happened to the plane."

The wreckage recovery team is mostly made up of French and Brazilian men who, all too often, are labeled as very smooth with the ladies—Casanovas if you will.

Ship captain Raul Pemeta said his crew was working very hard to recover the black box and it was only by chance that the tail was recovered first. When asked why orders to only raise the box were ignored he responded:"We came across the tail, are we suppose to leave it there all alone and take the risk that the tail will up and walk away, er, wash away? The tail would have been insulted and we may not have gotten a second chance with that tail."

After the piece was placed on the deck of a ship and group photos were taken surrounding the vertical steering section, some of the most experienced divers at the site were quickly loaded onto helicopters and taken to Dakar Airport in Senegal for flights home to France or Brazil.

"The fact that the best divers left to go home after the tail was recovered is a clear indication of their intention. It really sickens me," said Luc Gaulle.

The ship captain reported those divers were not feeling well, possibly a bends issue, and left to receive medical care.

Phillie helping planet one carpool at a time

Many of the Philadelphia Phillies, and professional athletes in general, along with their spouses and families are passionate and active in one particular cause outside of baseball. The team encourages community interaction and charitable work and hopes that residents will benefit from the presence of the team.

For example, Chase and Jen Utley work tirelessly to help area SPCA's, Jimmy Rollins is involved with the Arthritis Foundation and Ryan Howard started Bat Plant-it, a nonprofit that plants trees to replace those used for making MLB bats. Their visibility in the community, not to mention a hefty salary, are key to contributing to, and marketing, successful charities.

Yesterday, in rapidly-growing Montgomery County, adjacent to a four-lane highway with little space for additional automobiles during peak rush hour, a Park and Ride opened. Not just any Park and Ride, but the Chan Ho Park and Ride.

Park is from congested, high tech South Korea, in fact, he is the first Korean-born player in the major leagues. A fact the reliever often brings up randomly during conversations. It is here that Park became interested—some say obsessed—with the idea of smart commuting, particularly carpooling.

In 2006, the pitcher was honored with South Korea's highest possible "Green Award," which marked the 100th Park and Ride opening in the country. Seoul, the capital and largest city is home to the majority of the Chan Ho Park and Rides.

In only his first year with the club, Park wasted no time and began in March studying the area's highways to determine where his signature Park and Rides would most be needed. It did not take long to conclude that U.S. route 422, which snakes its way from King of Prussia to Reading and beyond and crosses the Schuylkill River several times, should be the recipient.

"The Schuylkill River Valley corridor is exploding with suburban sprawl," said Park in the Phillies' locker room while pointing at a wall-sized map of the region's highways. "U.S. 422 had no carpooling lots ... now they do."

From an early age Park saw the value of increasing passengers and reducing the number of vehicles.

"When I was about 13 I developed a detailed carpool for my middle school baseball team's practices," explained Park proudly. "The parents of the children that lived near each other would take turns driving the kids."

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell was at the site in Upper Providence Township as four complete strangers, office workers from Collegeville, piled into a car bound for Center City. And thus, embarking on the maiden voyage that was christened when Park shattered a champagne bottle over the commuter's front fender. The awkward, nearly 28-mile trip can take over an hour, but the state and ballplayer hope that number will drop significantly with each carpool registered at the site.

"Pennsylvania is already on its way to becoming a leader in renewable energy," said Governor Rendell. "So when Chan approached me about setting up an authentic Chan Ho Park and Ride here in the state it was an easy decision. Our hope is that we can get a good handful of cars off this road in the next five years."

Park has had little success, however, getting current teammates to carpool to the stadium on a daily basis. The pitcher said that for two days in April JC Romero, Chad Durbin, Eric Bruntlett and himself drove to the field in a Philly Car Share Prius.

Philadelphia is the onetime starter's fifth team since 1994 and left behind in each city—Los Angeles, Dallas/Fort Worth, San Diego and New York—are crammed cars and greater fuel economy. Let's hope this is the first of many of the Chan Ho Park and Rides in the Delaware Valley.

Red Sox Nation to issue own food stamps

Lidge to regroup, heal while working on 'The Closer'

Yesterday, Philadelphia Phillies all-star closer Brad Lidge was placed on the 15-day disabled list because of a knee injury that has bothered the pitcher for most of 2009. Many also have speculated that the move is an opportunity to help Lidge refocus and correct his pitching mechanics that have also plagued the pitcher this season.

The perfect save record from a year ago is a distant memory now, as Lights Out has blown six save opportunities almost a month before the halfway mark of the season.

Team manager Charlie Manuel met with Lidge late Sunday night after the final game against the Dodgers in Los Angeles, a series in which two failed saves were credited to the closer. Manuel informed the pitcher that he would be placed on the DL and, in a risky move, that he would be joining the crew, and possibly, the cast of the award-winning television show The Closer during his time on the shelf.

"It makes a lot of sense because the show is shot out there in Hollywood and so Brad can stay behind and spend a couple weeks getting his form and his knee in order," said Manuel.

The manager stated that Lidge was very accepting about being placed on the DL and even more welcoming to the idea of "working out the kinks" on a program such as The Closer.

The TNT show, which stars Kyra Sedgwick as police detective Brenda Johnson, portrays a special unit of the homicide division for the Los Angeles Police Department and their efforts at solving violent crimes in the City of Angels.

During a conference call with reporters on Monday from California, Lidge opened up about what he hopes to achieve during the next two weeks.

"I met briefly with the directer this morning and they're going to start me off as a production assistant. I'll be getting coffee and tea and all sorts of finger foods for the crew," said the excited reliever. "I'm crossing my fingers, not sandwiches, that I'll appear in at least on scene."

The Notre Dame graduate also admitted to the media that he had seen the show only a handful of times and thought the title was pronounced with an 's' sound and not a 'z.'

The Phillies closer will not be baseball's first saveman to appear on the series in an attempt to stem a long slump.

In 2006 Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez, then a member of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and fading on the mound, appeared in two episodes as an extra. Though no lines were assigned to KRod, his performance as Customer #3 at Coffee Shop #9 was impressive.

"Working with crew and the actors was exactly what I needed to get my pitching in order," said Rodriguez, who returned to his team after 15 days and fully regained his dominant form.

In fact, it was Angels manager Mike Scioscia, responsible for sending KRod to The Closer, who consulted with Manuel about the assignment and eased any concerns that persisted.

"Mike was great. I had lots of questions for him. What Will [Lidge] get from all this? What are the training/rehab facilities like? Will he have access to reruns of The Closer? Can he occasionally handle the scene clapper? Will his knee hold up? What's Kyra Sedgwick really like?" said a very at ease Manuel.

The show seemed ready and willing to take on the struggling Phillie and, coincidentally, the creator, James Duff, was huge Steve Bedrosian fan. Bedrosian was a Cy Young-winning closer for the Phillies from 1986-1989.

"We are ready for Lidgy. We'll bring back his form and his knee," said Duff. "Also, please mention that I'm a huge Steve Bedrosian fan."

Kerya Sedgwick did not return phone calls concerning this story.

Report: Tank Man hero was a real ... 'Tiananmen square'

On the 20th anniversary of the quelled protests in Beijing's Tiananmen Square, which called for political reform and free speech, some additional details about the demonstrations and the people involved have slowly—very slowly—surfaced. Specifically, facts about the lone student who stood in front of, and single-handedly halted, a line of heavily armored Chinese tanks.

The student's identity was never confirmed, nor was his fate after the incident. The man's picture and video facing off against the tanks was sent all around the world and instantly came to symbolize the protests. The man became known simply as Tank Man. But what was this remarkably brave protester really like?

Despite China's restrictions on free speech, acquaintances have begun to come forward to say how proud they were of Tank Man and, considering his character, how his actions on that day were extremely shocking.

"He never wanted to have any fun at all. He just studied all the time," said a friend who wanted to remain anonymous. "I would often hand out pamphlets about democracy and
uncensored media and he would say,'don't you know we could get in a lot of trouble for that.'"

Apparently, in 1988 during a college party at Beijing University's Smith Hall dormitory, Tank Man discovered underage drinking and informed dorm officials about the indulgences by his fellow students.

The guilty partygoers were forced to each partake in a 10-minute keg stand in Tiananmen Square. During the public punishments two students came ever so close to drowning, but later fully recovered.

Many in Tank Man's family and his friends all believe that the public, government-orchestrated keg stands of that year changed the way he felt about communism and the country's leadership.

"I think he just snapped one day during the protests and all of his squareness was unleashed upon the Chinese Army," said another friend.

So straight-laced was the student that when playing checkers he elected to enforce the rule that required players to jump the opposition if a jump was possible.

In fact, the "friends" that have come forward only knew Tank man as 'Tiananmen square.' University students in China at this time often used this nickname to label students like Tank Man, who, on the outside, lead a conservative way of life.

"I had no idea that Tank Man was capable of standing up to five tanks," said yet another friend. "Every time we saw him coming we would literally say,'great, here comes Tiananmen square.'"

It appears that Tank Man's perceived demeanor was strictly for show and that perhaps he was producing the literature his friends were distributing.

"[His squareness] was all a show, which makes him a damn genius," said one of Tank Man's professors.

WWII vet blown away by, er, from D-Day

Calais, France—This year is the 65th anniversary of D-Day, the massive, mind boggling invasion of mainland Europe by the Allies to recapture the continent from the Germans. The day is being remembered in France and the U.S. with parades honoring the surviving soldiers from that catastrophic day.

Part of the D-Day plan in 1944, in addition to the naval invasion, included dropping thousands of paratroopers behind enemy lines several miles inland from Omaha and the other landing beaches. Due to heavy German fire, however, the pilots of many planes decided to significantly increase altitude in an attempt to escape engine damage.

The unusually high winds of the day meant, as taught during training, paratroopers had to wait significantly longer—up to four minutes—to pull parachute chords to better their chances of landing near the rallying point.

A nervous Pr. Albert Peters of the 1526th Airborne Division, however, released his chute only seconds after jumping from the plane. The high winds pushed the soldier to the north over the English Channel in a matter of minutes as he watched the remainder of the 1526th grow smaller as they plummeted towards the intended target.

"I have to admit that I had a great vantage point over the Channel and I was able to see the whole massive invasion. The storming of the beaches, the half-tracks half-tracking off the transport ships, everything," said Peters.

The winds, at that altitude, were strong enough to carry Peters completely over the Channel and back to the coast of southern England to safety, or so he thought.

American and British soldiers, who remained in Britain in preparation for a German counter attack, believed the lone parachuter was a German soldier or spy and quickly opened fire.

"I knew I was approaching England as I could see the Cliffs of Dover very far to my right, which gave me great relief and comfort," said Peters. "That relief was quickly interrupted by bullets and anti-aircraft fire."

Peters followed his training skills and fired a flare into the air. The warning signal was designed to form an American flag upon exploding, but the winds had other plans.

"The winds jumbled the flag to make it appear as a tattered, sloppy Union Jack. They thought I was disrespecting their flag and, for that, I had to be a German," said Peters.

As the winds calmed, and the famous British fog concealed him from the troops below, the soldier began to lose altitude quickly, but not before being carried inland some forty miles where he landed smack in the middle of Stonehenge. "For a split second I thought I had done some time traveling or something."


Some in the 1526th accused the trooper of deliberately releasing his chute early to avoid the invasion, as twenty-five men lost their lives before even landing. One fellow soldier who wanted remain anonymous said that Peters is "a good guy." Three days later Peters reunited with the rest of his division in Caen, France.

"They teased me mercilessly," said the veteran of his fellow soldiers upon meeting on the ground in France. "They gave me a nickname. Let's just say it rhymes with paratrooper, which was better than the first nickname they came up with."

CBS3 reunion newscast turns ugly

Last night's 6pm CBS3 reunion newscast featuring fired anchors Larry Mendte and Alicia Lane was the highest rated program in the Delaware Valley since game five of the 2008 World Series. The reunion was the third highest rated local show ever behind only the 2004 Super Bowl and last year's clinching World Series game.

Before last night's meeting the co-anchors had not spoken since Mendte was accused of illegally accessing Lane's email accounts and feeding her personal information to local news outlets during 2007 and 2008 and was subsequently fired by the station.

The news show also terminated Lane after she was involved in an altercation with a New York police officer last year. All charges were eventually dropped.

CBS3 began planning a reunion newscast almost three months ago by contacting the two to gauge the possibility of an on-air reconciliation. In doing so the local station also knew it would take a large financial commitment to lure the award-winning pair back behind the news desk.

"I laughed and hung up the phone," said Lane, a native of Long Island, NY, when the station contacted her in early March. "Then they called back and mentioned how much they were willing to pay for the reunion."

Reports have Lane receiving $2.3 million and Mendte $1.4 million for participating in the broadcast. CBS3 said demand for advertising during the 45-minute program—extended from 30 minutes—was almost "Super Bowl-like."

"I realize that what we paid the two seems like an awful lot of money, but what we made from advertising pales in comparison," said station manager, Hank Lizel.

Mendte began last night with a joke by telling viewers to watch for Spyware—the computer information collection software—because "frankly any creep can break into your personal info these days."

Lane responded by attempting to strike her co-anchor (pictured above) and saying,"I haven't done that since New York, er..."

After a short commercial break, and five stitches to Mendte's lip, the two worked harmoniously together as if the snooping or the punching had never occurred.

After the show the two inked a deal to co-write a book together documenting the reunion show and only the reunion show.

"We will each be writing our own books about the circumstances that led to our firing," said Lane.

New GM models: Too little, too late

Local teen headed to Ivy League on triangle scholarship

Local musician Tim Herman, 18, of Center City, is headed to Princeton University on a triangle scholarship this coming fall. The dedicated member of the Philadelphia Youth Orchestra has been dazzling audiences throughout the country and Canada since he was 8 years old.

Herman began learning the instrument—usually shaped like a 3 or 4-sided triangle—when he was only six and began performing solo concerts only two years later. By the age of 12 he had played Radio City Music Hall, The Academy of Music, The Kimmel Center and the Mann Center for the Performing Arts all as a soloist.

"At first I kept pushing him to play the violin, I mean, really pushing him, but he had this gift and we didn't know what to make of it at first. We wanted to encourage him the best we could," said the musician's father, Jim Herman.

"Though he is only called upon to ring the triangle, maybe, four or five times over the course of a performance it's unlike anything I've ever heard," said the Youth Orchestra's Maestro Timothy Di Angelo.

It has been nearly fifty years since Princeton University awarded a musical scholarship to a triangle prodigy. In 1962 Verna Diller received a full scholarship from the Ivy League school for her masterful work on the triangular-shaped instrument. She was 12 years old at the time.

"We present 20-30 music scholarships a year, but rarely to a percussion triangle performer," said Princeton's Gail Underwood, Dean of the College of Music, who appeared surprised that Diller was the last recipient.

"When I turned 13 everyone kept telling me that I would have to change instruments or add an instrument, or two, to receive a college scholarship. I love the triangle and I wanted to prove them all wrong," said Herman.

During his four years at Princeton Herman will study under the famed trianglist Arthur Von Gelpin. Gelpin, 67, from Hamburg, Germany, has won every award a percussionist can obtain, including the Arthur Von Gelpin Award in 2007.

Herman will tour Europe this summer playing in Paris, London, Madrid, Barcelona and The Hague. The young performer hopes to be playing the National Anthem in London for the 2012 Summer Olympic Games.

Canada's largest territory awaits word on NHL franchise

The NHL's Phoenix Coyotes are in danger of moving from the Valley of the Sun to the Valley of the Nun. Nunavut that is. Nunavut is Canada's largest territory or province and is bordered to the west by the Northwest Territories, Manitoba Province and Hudson Bay to the south and numerous waterways to the east and north.

"When Hudson Bay is to the south you know you are almost as far north as you can go," said Nunavut resident Julie Bernstein, 56.

Specifically, the bankrupt team could wind up in the capital of this wild landscape—Iqaluit. The city sits on Forbisher Bay and, though it was originally founded as an American military base, has become known as the largest exporter of ice in the world. For eleven months of the year 8 of the world's 10 largest ice exporting companies ship frozen water all over the globe.

Iqaluit is overflowing with ice money and billionaire David Brennen, CEO of Fro-Zen Master, Inc. and its 500 employees, is leading the investment team that will bring the Coyotes to Nunavut.

"I sold ice cubes as a boy here then I carved figurines from the cubes," said the gregarious Brennan. "That's how I started out."

To become home to an NHL franchise the league requires that an arena with at least 17,000 seats must already exist or be under construction. Iqaluit city officials say that constructing the stadium is not a problem, but filling could be.

"The city has roughly 6,000 people, but that won't stop us from welcoming a team. There may be a lot of empty seats but we'll be loud," said Iqaluit mayor Jim Billingsly.

It is expected that with so much corporate ice money in this hockey-crazed city that most fans will watch games from the arena's luxury boxes.

With only a small local airport visiting teams would have to be brought in by ice road truckers—truck drivers who literally ride on roads of ice—from Quebec Province. (The History Channel is salivating from possible future episodes.) NHL officials foresee no problems transporting players on a 9-hour drive over unstable ice shelves.

"It's safe," said the mayor. "To give you an idea of how cold it is here, and thus, how hard the ice is, we vacation to Quebec City in February to escape the cold. It is [Quebec City] our Florida."

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Yesterday, in downtown Phoenix, AZ, angry Coyote fans held up signs reading, "We'll have None-avut." The group asked passing cars to honk if they wanted the Coyotes to remain in Arizona.

"There were an awful lot of beeping," said Susan Tuffnil, 38, of Glendale, AZ. "I lost count after 20 or so. And they were the good kind of beeps."

The NHL expects to decide by the end of June on the status of the franchise formerly known as the Winnipeg Jets. What will the new name of the team be you ask? The Nunavut Ice, of course.

"We chose Nunavut in hopes that all of the territory's 30,000 residents will get behind the team," said Brennan.

Mem-Oreo Day? Cookie fast becoming staple at BBQ's

One of the only foods to begin and end in the letter 'o' is moving from late night snack to crucial cookout component. Oreo cookies have long been viewed as the partner to a glass of milk sought sometime after dinner, but the chocolate sandwich cookies with the vanilla center have recently been showing up next to, and in, cheeseburgers and hot dogs. That is correct. Before being placed on the grill hamburger meat is often rolled with an Oreo inside of it and, in the crushed form, the cookie acts as a topping for hot dogs. "We just love it. We put Oreos in salads and coleslaw and ... this is embarrassing, but I even put crushed Oreos on my Oreos," said Viera Hannerhan, 47, of Doylestown, PA, who entertained 25 relatives at a barbecue earlier today. Nabisco, the maker of the cookie, plans to introduce a spreadable Oreo topping, in a squeezable container, with a ketchup-like consistency for the Fourth of July holiday. So popular is the new bbq accessory that the Phillies toyed with the idea of having Dollar Oreo Night in conjunction with tonight's Dollar Dog Night, but nixed the idea last week. "We weren't able to secure 400,000 Oreos with such short notice," said a team rep.

Vowel play? 'E' stolen in broad daylight

Above, workman posing as real "letter washers" remove the final 'E' in Yankee from New Yankee Stadium's large sign overlooking the grand home plate entrance. "They said they were here to wash the letters and that I should worry about concessions if I knew what was good for me," said Yankee Stadium concessions manager, Tim Worrly, after confronting the crew. Normally, each letter is removed once a week—by two large helicopters—and taken to an undisclosed site in northern New Jersey to be thoroughly washed and detailed. The cleanings usually take place on Monday's, but this "cleaning" occurred on Wednesday. The Yankees have spared no expense with the new ball field. The organization did not realize they were being robbed until it was determined the helicopters were flying south toward Philadelphia. This weekend's Phillies-Yankees series will not be moved to Citizens Bank ParkE as was first believed. Police have no leads on the letter's whereabouts. The Yankees have not issued a statement, but third baseman, Alex Rodriguez offered to personally place the vowel back in it's intended spot once recovered. "I'll just carry it on up there," said Rodriguez.

Minnesota may force changes in business names

The Minnesota government in St Paul is considering a bill that, if approved, would regulate the names of new and existing businesses in the gopher state. The bill is aimed at 'and son' businesses, which are usually formed by a surname followed by 'and Son(s).' Specifically, the law targets surnames that end in -son.

For example, Samuelson & Son, Peerson & Son, Gustavson & Son, Benson & Son, Mathieson & Son, Anderson & Son and Emanuelson & Son are a handful of business names in Minnesota that would be affected if passed. If the state has their say the above companies must use 'and relative(s)' in place of 'and son(s)' or eliminate the 'son' from the surname (Ander and Son). Confused yet?

"It's redundant and there are quite a few of them in the state," said Minnesota state senator, Mike Holst. "It's confusing to customers. Why can't the 'son' in the last name double for the 'and son?' Ander&son would work fine."

The vote will take place in several weeks and has much of the state's 'and son' owners extremely upset.

"We've been Anderson & Son for 54 years," said funeral director Colson Anderson who has three daughters, and no sons, all of which are not active in the organization. "Anderson & Relative just doesn't sound right."

Hence, another issue that concerns the state is that an estimated 40% of these 'and son' businesses do not have a son involved at all in the day-to-day operation of the business.


Sonnerson and Son, Inc in Bells Mills, MN, a lake counting firm, contains three 'sons' in its name and in only a month or so could see its new name be reduced to simply ... Son, Inc.

The name restrictions would not include surnames ending in -sen or -sin. 'And Child' may also appear in the name but not 'And Children.' The state claims this law proposal was not in any way inspired by South Dakota's recent approval of a similar bill.

Phils mum on number choice for Obama jersey

The Phillies visited the White House and President Barack Obama on Friday as is tradition for World Series Champions. During the meeting shortstop Jimmy Rollins presented Obama with an authentic jersey and team-autographed ball.

The home jersey was personalized on the back reading Obama and, curiously, the number 44. Why did the team choose 44? What was the significance? Did Obama choose the number? Did the president wear the number as an athlete?

"I don't want to get into all that," said Phillies president, David Montgomery concerning the choice of number.

Asked several times to comment Phillies manager, Charlie Manuel, finally presented his theory to reporters about the selection.

"[JA] Happ is number 43 and [Ryan] Madson has number 46," explained the manager.

Preakness braces for cat-trained mini horse

Seventeen-inch Bundle of Thunder, one of the world's smallest horses (pictured above), will take part in this weekend's 134th Preakness in Baltimore, MD. The miniature horse is only the second smallest ever to participate in the race, the second in the Triple Crown series. (In 1879 Copper Penny measured 16 inches tall and placed third.) The bigger story, however, may be that the tiny horse was trained by the up-and-coming cat horse trainer Kitty Baffert (pictured below with future Kentucky Derby runner Summer Squall in 2008). "I think [Bundle of Thunder] has a great shot. We've been working really hard. It's all about stride," said the cat horse trainer. The mini horse must take 34 strides to equal one stride of the competing horses.

Dubai to buy London, host Super Bowl?

With the announcement last week that the NFL is considering holding its championship game overseas in London other international cities have begun to show interest in hosting America's most popular sporting event.

The Super Bowl has never been held outside of the United States and, if it happens, the two most logical host cities should be, taking into account the time difference issue, either Toronto or Mexico City. So many fans and players were surprised, to say the least, at London being named a leading candidate for the game. (Hmmm, February in London or Miami?)

The NFL has hinted that the first international Super Bowl would be held in an English or Spanish-speaking city. The league, therefore, has politely turned down significant interest from Dubai, Paris, Beijing, Stockholm, Tokyo, Reykjavik and Perth.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates, however, has now indirectly reentered the picture as a possible host city for the Super Bowl. The city, which has profited enormously from UAE's oil reserves, has publicly stated it will buy any city that is awarded the game, dismantle the city, transport the city and reassemble the city in Dubai to host the Super Bowl.

After the game concludes Dubai will also cover the cost of returning the city to its original country. This is a herculean effort to host a 60-minute sporting event.

"If it happens to be London then ... we will buy London, then move London here to host the Super Bowl," said Said Adem, a Dubai sports and recreation department official. "We have indoor skiing for Pete's sake. I think we can pack up and move an entire city."

"There's nothing we can do about it," said NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell. "We have to go to where the host city is at the scheduled time of the game."

Last month Dubai began constructing Super Bowl Island in the shape of the Vince Lombardi Trophy in the warm Persian Gulf waters just off the coast adjacent to The Palm Dubai islands (pictured above). The $12 billion project was meant to show NFL executives that Dubai was, in fact, serious about hosting the game.

The island--actually a series of over 250 smaller islands--will include an 85,000-seat stadium and one medium-sized rental villa for each fan attending the game. The islands will all be lined with beaches containing only the highest quality sand. Each grain will be hand picked and trucked one-grain-at-a-time from UAE's deserts to the project site. During transport each grain will be engraved with an NFL factoid, which fans can read using Super Bowl Island's beach microscopes.

(Three years ago Dubai attempted to host an NFL preseason game and created a small island named: NFL Preseason Game Island. The NFL was not impressed, even by the island's 65,000-seat stadium built solely for an NFL preseason game. The league chose not to hold a game in UAE and Dubai later apologized saying that "it really was a very small island.")

The earliest an international Super Bowl could be held is 2013, as each American venue to hold the game has been chosen through 2012. Dubai has made it clear that, should Super Bowl Island be completed before 2013, that it would not purchase and relocate an American city "out of respect for the game."

"In 2012 the Super Bowl is in Indianapolis and [Dubai Sports Managers] all agreed that even though [Indianapolis] is a smaller city, thus making relocation easier, we would not buy it and move it here," said Adem.

Dubai's sports and recreation department along with Dubai Sports Managers--a group that brings sporting events to the city--are very optimistic that the rapidly growing metropolis will one day welcome an NFL Championship game.

"Oh, we'll definitely be hosting the game sometime soon," said Adem. "The real question is what city will we also be hosting?"

Tree company fooled by tree cell tower

Since 1999 many cell phone towers have been designed and built to resemble trees to better blend into their surrounding environment. The first pine cellular tower--now available in palm, oak and banzai models--was created by Mark Lorraine and erected in Woonsocketwrench, RI, during the middle of a mild April night. The town's people never realized it was a cell tower and credited a diet high in iron for the improved cell phone coverage.

Most tree cell towers are extremely detailed with synthetic accessories to help bring the tree to life including: bark, pine cones, needles, branches, sap and rings on the interior of the trunk. Fake needles and several fake pine cones are often spread around the base of the tower to lend even more authenticity.

On Monday a tree service company erroneously brought down a tree cellular phone tower along the Pennsylvania Turnpike near Woodmont, PA, about 17 miles north of Center City Philadelphia.

The company ChainCame, Chainsaw, ChainCut Landscaping took 12 hours to remove the tower, but would have only taken five had they felled the adjacent real pine that was leaning precariously toward the highway. The mistake created a dead zone for passing motorists and area residents.

In the beginning the "branches" of the tower offered little resistance to the men working with pole chainsaws and loppers and they quickly began to work on the body of the 80ft tower.

"There were lots of sparks coming from the chainsaw, but we all figured it was one of those really strong pine trees ... that sparked," said Kenny Delzem, a laborer with the tree service company, after cutting into the "trunk."

The crew was continuously sharpening and lubricating the overheated saws and was finally forced to abandon this method. Eventually, the group went to Plan B--axes and hatchets ... lots of axes and hatchets.

"We haven't used axes to take down a tree in a long time, but it was a lot like hacking a bike. You never forget," said Delzem.

Twenty axes and ten hours later, the tower was reduced to an enormous mound of metal shavings (top picture) after being forced through a wood chipper by the 20-member crew who were all nearly deafened by the sound and blinded by the sparks.

"Talk about a fireworks display," said Tylerton "We kept jamming it into the chipper over and over again. At one point we used a truck to push it into the chipper. Something wasn't quite right."

It was not revealed to the tree service company that they had removed a tree cell tower until they attempted to sell the grounded up behemoth as mulch to a local garden center yesterday.

"We drove the chippings to the garden center and the manager, after looking at the mulch, asked me if this was some kind of a joke," said Bob Entelli, president of the landscaping company.

The crew and the staff at the store all had a good laugh when the foreman announced: "I don't get where all the sap came from."

Most people don't.

City, team celebrate walkoff walk

Above, fans pack into the streets surrounding Philadelphia's City Hall soon after center fielder Shane Victorino walked to force in the game-winning run on Saturday afternoon against the Mets. The team passed through the celebration aboard double-decker buses and continued down Broad St to the stadium complex.

Vegetarians referring to Swine outbreak as Toflu

The Swine Flu alert level reached 5 on Wednesday (or level magenta-sienna-peach-echo-bravo-niner on the Tom Ridge scale) raising fear and surgical mask prices throughout the U.S. (Walmart is launching a designer line of masks on Saturday.) The mere mention of the name itself sends oinks down the swine, er, spine. Because of this, a group of vegetarians have begun referring to the Swine Flu epidemic as Toflu. "Toflu sounds much less scary and is a lot more meatless," said Earl Harbinger,52, a vegan from York, PA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Tofu(PETT) objected to the name change: "C'mon, give us a break over here with that kind of stuff."