Bailout fails as plan included "Tunnel to Somewhere"

Senator Arlen Spector of Pennsylvania called the Tunnel to Somewhere one of the most egregious examples of possible pork barrel spending ever.

Had the $700 billion dollar bailout plan been passed it would have included the construction of a much needed $200 million highway tunnel in western Pennsylvania. The tunnel, planned for route I-80, would be used by millions of drivers annually.

"We can't have all this pork barrel spending. Pork barrel spending has got to be stopped. I don't know about all this pork barrel spending," said Spector.

Brewers confident, feel they can win NL East

Though the Milwaukee Brewers have played terrible baseball throughout most of September they have managed to heat up at the right time. The Brew Crew have won two straight while Philadelphia and New York have stumbled.

"Forget that we can't win our own division[Central Division]. We're so confident right now that we feel we can sneak past the Phillies and Mets and take the NL East division," said Brewers pitcher, Ben Sheets.

McCain recalls attending first ever game at Yankee Stadium

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain became somewhat emotional when a reporter asked him about the final game at Yankee Stadium on Sunday night.

"I'm a casual Yankees fan, but I remember that April day in 1923 as if it was yesterday," said McCain. "I took my son and we had a great day at the ballpark."

The presidential hopeful went on to describe the sights and the smells from the opening of the world's most state-of-the-art stadium, which was constructed in a little over a year.

"It[the temperature] was on the cold side I remember and my 1919 Model T was slow to start. But I gave her a good cranking and I got her to finally start."

The Senator from Arizona, who played an essential role in that state's entry into the Union in 1912, was on a road tour across the USA in 1923. The trip was a celebration of the 10 year anniversary of Arizona's statehood. Mechanical problems with the vehicle extended the trip four months past its expected finish, which put the Senator in New York for opening day.

"Seeing that game at Yankee Stadium and hearing the crowd and smelling all the smells was instrumental in bringing the Diamondbacks to the Grand Canyon State some 75 years later," said McCain referring to Major League Baseball's arrival in Phoenix in 1998.

McCain also recalled how during the game he said to his son that there should be a swimming pool just beyond the center field wall for fans to relax in.

Local athlete to enter university's intramural hall of fame

Dennis Jacobs, 39, of Wilmington, DE will be inducted into the Schuylkill State University Intramural Hall of Fame on Saturday. Jacobs attended the school from 1987-1990 and graduated with a degree in economics.

The Wilmington High School soccer player and track star competed in intramural soccer, floor hockey, flag football, basketball and ping pong and will join three others in SSU's 27th intramural hall class.

"Jacobs and the other three inductees will be joining an elite group of intramural athletes. SSU has one of the strongest intramural programs in the country," said Schuylkill State's intramural athletic director, Linda Skiles.

The ceremony will be held during halftime of the flag football game between Delta Kappa Sigma and Keg Patrol on field A at the McKenzie Athletic Fields. That is if the Keg Patrol squad decides to show up after forfeiting 2 of their last three games.

"Trust me, we'll show up this week with a full group. We'll put a kappa in Kappa. Plus, Jacobs is an intramural legend," said Keg Patrol team captain, Thomas Evans.

If the game is a forfeit the ceremony will be moved to field D during halftime of the women's field hockey game.

As great as Jacobs was at all the intramural sports he played he truly excelled at flag football. For this reason the university is retiring the flag that the inductee wore during the late 80's and presenting him with a golden flag.

"He was awesome. There were rumors that he tied his flag on tight to prevent easy release, but I never bought into any of that," said former teammate, Jack Hazel.

"I just hope Keg Patrol shows up," said Jacobs

2 of 6 Texas flags found in Oklahoma and Arkansas

Four flags over Texas? Doesn't quite have the same ring to it. However, this is the situation in hurricane-ravaged coastal Texas. Two of the state's six famous flags were ripped from their flagpoles in the city of Houston on Saturday where hurricane Ike's winds reached 80 mph.

One flag turned up in Idabel, a town in the southeastern corner of Oklahoma. While the other flag was found in De Queen, Arkansas, located in the southwestern region of that state.

"We're currently in negotiations with the two states to have the flags sent back to Austin," said a visibly shaken Tom Gutierrez, a Texas government official.

A law passed in 1799 states that all flags that cross state lines, intentionally or unintentionally, must be returned in a timely manner and in excellent condition no matter their current state. The law was created to deter a repeat of the 1795 Delaware Flag Incident.

In 1795 the Diamond State lost the state flag in a huge Nor'easter storm that carried the flag into New Jersey, some 40 miles to the east. New Jersey officials wrote a letter to the Delaware Statehouse: "We got your flag and we sent it back to Dover via a riderless donkey. What? It never arrived? Ha ha ha."

Texas hopes to have the flags back and flying high by the end of the month if negotiations are successful. If not, the Six Flags theme parks located across the country will be renamed accordingly.

D. Jackson:'I was really thinking college rules where the end zones are 11 yards, not 10.'

Dallas, TX--DeSean Jackson committed what appeared to be one of football's worst sins last night during a nationally televised game. The Philadelphia Eagles' wide receiver hauled in a 60-plus yard pass from quarterback Donovan McNabb for what looked like the rookie's first career touchdown.

Just before crossing the goal line, however, Jackson released the ball to the ground signifying the start of a touchdown celebration. The brash, young wide out had sinned and cost his team six points.

The ESPN announcers were in shock along with the entire Delaware Valley. But Jackson should be forgiven for his mistake and not because Brian Westbrook scored on the very next play.

"I was really thinking college rules where the end zones are 11 yards not 10," said a somber Jackson. "It was my bad."

Though it's not a great excuse, it should be taken into consideration that had last night's division battle been a college game, his catch would have been a touchdown.

At the University of California Jackson was known for catching touchdowns and releasing the ball as soon as he crossed the line.

"It's really not his fault," said Eagles head coach, Andy Reid. "Everyone thinks that he was hot dogging, but he really wasn't. However, he will not be suiting up next week against the Steelers."

Texans very proud that state is slightly larger than storm

The enormous Hurricane Ike is battering the Texas coastline this morning and could leave widespread death and billions of dollars in damage in its wake. The massive storm could pummel Houston, the state's largest and the country's fourth largest city.

"It's a huge storm, but square mileage-wise it's still smaller than the great state of Texas. This is something that every Texan is proud of, I can assure you of that," said Houston mayor, Bill White.

Texas encompasses 268,820 square miles while Ike covers roughly 240,000 square miles. Scientists and hurricane experts have hinted that if Ike was 270,000 square miles it would be larger than the state of Texas.

"The fact that Texas is larger than the storm has greatly increased moral among those in [Ike's] path. I would not be surprised if the actual number of deaths from Ike are far below the predicted number simply because of this fact," said Robert Kinori, an expert from The Texas Hurricane Institute in Corpus Cristi.

Some residents began displaying their strong emotional state during the storm by hanging signs for TV news cameras. One sign painted on a bed sheet and placed in the window of a Galveston, TX home read:"C'mon Ike, don't get all mad 'cause Texas is larger than you. 48 states feel the same way."

Other signs were unclear and not helpful in determining the moral of residents. One read:"This is our last bed sheet."

Local trophy maker awards self trophy for best trophy making

Winners, Inc. of Broomall, PA one of the largest makers of trophies and medals, recently created a very large and elaborate trophy. Was it for a local youth sports team tournament? No. Was it made for a high school debate winner? No.

The four-feet tall trophy was produced for...Winners, Inc. That's right. Company officials awarded the trophy to themselves for "Best Trophy Making for 2008."

"We had a very good year and since there are no awards like this in our industry given by an independent agency we decided to give the award to ourselves[Winners Inc]," said the company's president, Geoff Vine.

Vine placed the 2008 award on a giant mantle in his office next to hundreds of other awards the company has "won" in the past 18 years.

Always Try Hard, Inc. in Gulleytown, IN, another large trophy maker, also presented itself with the same award.

"In my estimation there will be roughly 2500 first place trophy maker winners this year," said Always Try Hard's CEO Karen Akers, estimating the total number of trophy makers in the country.

SEPTA says sign reduces amount of egg on commuter faces

One stand to sell $5.00 hot dogs at tonight's game

The hot dog stand behind section 424 in Citizens Bank Park will sell the popular food for $5.00 during tonight's Phillies-Marlins game. Tonight is the much anticipated promotion known as Dollar Dog Night at the stadium where all hot dogs are one dollar–well, not all.

"We like to have one stand sell the hot dogs at regular price. We do this because there is always a small percentage of fans that don't realize it's Dollar Dog Night," said the Phillies director of marketing, Flint Thomas.

The team says it never keeps the regular-priced hot dogs at the same stand for each promotion. In August the $5.00 hot dogs were located behind section 302 in right field and behind 132 in July.

"Someone goes down to buy a round of dogs for the group and sees that it's $5.00. What're they gonna do? Come back empty-handed? No, they're going to fork out the cash for 20 hot dogs. Cha Ching," said Thomas.

Neighbor wears full length button-down t-shirts

Jeff Rosentell still doesn't believe it even though he sees it almost everyday. What he witnesses is his neighbor in Philadelphia's Ringing Bell neighborhood wear button-down t-shirts daily.

"All of his t-shirts have been cut longways in the front and buttons have been added. Not partway down, but all the way down," said Rosentell.

The cutting neighbor, who wanted to remain anonymous, would not go into detail concerning the t-shirts, but said he didn't "care for pulling shirts over his head."

Other neighbors reported that many of the t-shirts have "cool" designs and cutting the garments seemed to be a waste.

"He has one of those Eastern State Penitentiary tees, with the overhead view of the spoked corridors, and there is a cut running directly through the middle. I don't get it...it's like a crime and stuff," said Holly S., a nearby neighbor.

One neighbor, who also requested anonymity, has began cutting his own t-shirts. He went on to say that the cutting neighbor has started a trend in Ringing Belle.

"Honestly, it's more comfortable and stylish. Instead of a v-neck I can leave the top button undone. The only drawback is that the cut edges can curl-up with high humidity and it takes a few more seconds to put on."

'Yes, I take medical waste on all my fishing trips.'

Police have finally tracked down the culprit responsible for the medical waste that has been washing up along the shores of South Jersey's resort towns of Avalon and Sea Isle City. However, the suspect's alibi could set him free.

Thomas McFarland, a Pennsylvania dentist, has denied the illegal waste dumping and said he and his boat were the victim of a rouge wave from the Atlantic Ocean.

The Mainline dentist said he was leaving for a fishing trip when he encountered heavy seas in Townsend's Inlet. This is the small waterway that separates the barrier islands in which the two towns are located.

"The wave was huge and it nearly capsized my small boat. This is when my 25 trash bags full of medical waste fell overboard. Yes, I take medical waste on all my fishing trips," said a somewhat nervous McFarland.

When police questioned the purpose for the medical waste on the fishing voyage McFarland said it was for good luck.

"About 5 years ago I took about ten bags of medical waste with me on a trip and I ended up catching a decent–sized marlin," explained McFarland.

When asked by authorities why he took waste on that trip he hesitated and said,"Oh, right. I thought it would help the boat achieve good buoyancy."

Officer Patrick Kirkpatrick of the Avalon Police Department said the dentist's story makes sense. "Studies have shown that empty syringes, old needles and dirty cotton swabs do great things for buoyancy. He's not a dumb guy. I may take waste on my next trip."

McFarland's attorney said his client takes medical waste with him just about everywhere he goes–from church to the supermarket.

Bush on visiting Great Wall last month: "I should've said, 'Mr Jintao, tear down this wall.'"

President George Bush was criticized by many for attending last months Olympics in Beijing, China. The country is widely known for it's horrendous human rights record and limitations on basic freedoms. Many called for the leader to boycott the games to send a message to the most populous country on the planet.

Prior to arriving in China Bush visited Southeast Asia where he made public statements challenging Chinese President Hu Jintao to trust his country's people with more freedoms. However, once in China Bush seemed to back down from this tough stance.

"Looking back on my visit I wish I told Mr Jintao to tear down that wall," said Bush referring to the Great Wall of China. "That's what I would've said. I should've said,'Mr Jintao, tear down this wall.' I can't believe I just thought of that now. It just could've been a real famous line had I said over there. The Wall is a terrible symbol of separatedness and lots of stones."

Bush visited the Wall, which is visible from space, not long after he arrived in China. On the day of the visit he stated,"this thing just keeps going on and on. If I didn't have tickets to the women's volleyball match-up tomorrow I'd try to hike this thing."

IOC still embarrassed over not having Cameroon anthem

F. Mbango Etone won Cameroon's only medal at the Beijing Olympics in the women's triple jump. Not only did Etone medal, but she won the gold medal. The track star was the only athlete to win a medal from the east African country of almost 20 million people.

Every gold medal winner not only stands at the top of the medal stand, but also enjoys the privledge of having their country's national anthem fill the stadium or arena.

One of the IOC's responsibilities is to obtain the national anthem of each participating country. There are numerous ways the IOC does this: calls the country and asks them to send a CD, the country sends an email with the anthem attached, or flies to the country to pick up the anthem in a box.

Cameroon claims they sent the email in August of 2007. "I did send the email, but I will admit there was no reply or confirmation," said Cameroon's Olympic adviser, Senja Eti.

The email did arrive but was followed by skepticism.

"Honestly, I didn't know that Cameroon was a country. I've heard of maroon the color and Camaro the car, but not Cameroon the country. I deleted the email right away thinking it was a prank," said IOC member Locke Schafer.

The deleting of this email would cause great embarrassment to the IOC on the day of the triple jump at the Beijing games. After the victory Etone took a step to the top of the stand and stood waiting for her county's song.

"We didn't know what to do. She's standing there waiting and we asked for the audience to please stand," said Schafer, who happened to be working the triple jump medal ceremony.

Scrambling to uncover the national anthem for Cameroon one IOC member decided to hum a random tune while Etone stood at the pinnacle of the podium. (Schafer admitted he was terrible at humming and declined to join in.)

"I heard a humming come over the speakers and it was not the Cameroon anthem," said a visibly upset Etone. "But winning the gold medal made it one the sweetest melodies I've ever heard."

Some fans were overcome with emotion as tears filled many eyes. "It's such a beautiful anthem. I've never heard humming like that before," said Sarah Timmons, of Melbourne, Australia.

Medical waste makes for great sandcastle accessories

While many beachgoers are concerned over the recent arrival of medical waste on many South Jersey beaches others have welcomed it. The dangerous waste has been a hit with children from Ocean City to Cape May.

"I like it cause it[large syringe] makes a cool little flagpole on the top of the tower. I took part of my ice cream wrapper and used it as a flag on the needle part of the waste," said Terry McSweeney, 8, from Hatboro, PA.

Experts at the Sandcastle Institute of New Jersey(SINJ)estimate that over 20,000 sandcastles are created everyday on South Jersey's beaches predominately by children.(South Jersey beaches include Atlantic City to Cape May)

Other children have resurrected the long forgotten yard game called lawn darts. Players toss large medical needles, instead of giant darts, some 15 yards into a hoop placed on the sand.

"I like throwing the needles but I like hiding them in the sand and seeing people step on them a lot more. It's neat," said Timmy Sanini, 9, of Cherry Hill, NJ.

Empty beaches this Labor Day weekend? Far from it.

"Never in a million years did I think that I could actually use medical waste to promote the town's beaches," said Stone Harbor mayor, Rubin Rasmussen. "Some of our TV ads running in Pennsylvania feature kids playing with the waste."

One parent seemed concerned his children were playing with medical waste, but admitted he used two needles to open a bottle of beer because of a misplaced opener.

Officials from Sea Isle City and Strathmere have authorized the publication of a brochure listing all the children's games and activities that utilize medical waste.

"We hired about ten teenagers to pass the pamphlets out on the beaches and some towns have given permission to ice cream sellers to distribute them as well," said Floyd Cinders, a member of Strathmere's town advisory committee.

Audience was promised Broncos game after speech?

The 80,000-plus crowd that gathered for Barack Obama's Democratic nomination acceptance speech in Denver's Invesco Field on Thursday evening were thrilled about the event. The excitement in and around the stadium was inspiring and a tribute to the unity the candidate can invoke.

However, much of the contingent that supported Obama were somewhat disappointed that the DNC-promised Denver Broncos game to be held immediately after the speech was never played.

"I love Obama. I think he is exactly what this country needs. But you can't promise a Broncos game and not come through. That's not right," said Dave Mullen, 45, a Broncos fan from nearby Boulder, CO.

Obama did not mention the game during his speech but some supporters felt he did. "I could've sworn that he mentioned the Broncos. If he didn't say Broncos he definitely mentioned Elway," said Sally Frimton, 39, another Broncos fan from Sunny Spring, CO.

Obama denies promising a game and called the football fans of the Mile High city some of the most passionate and loyal in the country. He went on to say that coming to the stadium that night led some Broncos fans to convince themselves there was a game.

"I can understand," Obama said, "you[fans] are coming to a football stadium in a great football city and out of sheer habit you[fans] think there is a game. But really there was never a promise."

One diehard Broncos fan agreed. "We love our team here, but honestly there was no game promised. They wanted to believe there was. However, I will say that Obama should have mentioned coach Mike Shanahan somewhere in the speech," said fan Karen Stapleton, of Denver.

Senator Joe Biden's response when asked to name the 3 counties of Delaware: 'Kent, New Castle and ... did I say Kent or Ken?'

Olympic training methods revealed: North Korean volleyball team used bowling ball

For some sports, four years of training may be barley enough time to prepare a team or individual for an Olympics. Training methods are tested and retested and then tested again. Teams search for that slight advantage that could mean the difference between a gold and silver medal. Here is a look at some countries', in some cases extreme, training methods:

North Korea: The men's volleyball team was forced to play with a bowling ball to fine tune their serves.

Russia: The men's and women's pole vault teams practiced twice a week without a mat.

England: The track team ran on the opposite side of the track.

Australia: Worked very hard.

Japan: Tried to prepare everyday.

Jamaica: Also tried to prepare everyday.

France: Practiced everyday and trained hard.

Bo, Luke, Cooter, Daisy, Jesse joined with Rosco, Boss Hogg, Enos to fight Russians

The Dukes of Hazard admitted yesterday to leading the fight against the Russians after the invasion of Georgia earlier this month. In a surprise move, the Dukes joined forces with the law of of Hazard County, their longtime nemesis.

Uncle Jesse and JD Hogg shook hands and agreed to "rid the county of those Duke boys...I mean, Russians."

"It's amazing what can happen when you put a rag in the end of moonshine bottle, light it, and toss it at a tank," said Luke Duke. "Nowhere is there stronger moonshine than Hazard County. Nowhere!"

The Dukes were also able to take out two Russian Migs by jumping the the General Lee off a dirt-mound ramp and clipping the wings of the low-flying fighter jets. Meanwhile, Cooter climbed under several Russian tanks and drained the engine oil rendering the massive rolling weapons useless.

Factoring in Uncle Jesse's shotgun, Daisy's daisy dukes, and Rosco's dog flash, the Russians were clearly overmatched and never reached the intended target of Atlanta.

"A ga ga gggh," said a giddy Rosco.

After 2003 scare badminton survived Bird Flu

Badminton is one of the most popular sports in China often called the second national sport behind ping pong or table tennis. Matches can see attendance soar over 25,000 with millions more taking play in by television.

However, in 2003 China almost lost badminton forever. This is the year when the country of 1.3 billion experienced a severe outbreak of avian influenza or bird flu.

As many may know badminton uses a birdie instead of a ball to hit back and forth between double or single players. In China the birdie is a small live bird that is restrained with rubber bands and then capped with a small, usually red "helmet."After the match the bird is tagged and released because no bird can ever be used twice for badminton.

The most popular bird to use in badminton are barn swallows, called zeng swallows in China. These small birds were very difficult to be found in 2003.

"They[zeng swallows] were all dieing. And with them the sport of badminton. The nation was in a crisis and we had to do something," said Ging Huan, president of the PROB(People's Republic of Badminton, through an interpreter.

Bird flu ravaged China's bird population to where the country's national team began using old, dented ping pong balls.

"It just wasn't the same as a birdie. They're much lighter. And the national ping pong team was always laughing at us," explained Hing Zen, a player on the badminton national team.

To save the sport the government called for "collection and protection" of the zeng swallows by the the general public. Citizens were expected to capture the birds and house them until a government official could collect them.

"It was very inspiring. The country pulled together to save badminton and that is why it still exists as a sport in China today," said Huan. "Oh...and we saved a buncha birds in the process."

Phelps' mom a hit, NBC to give own reality show

Michael Phelps accomplished the unimaginable on Saturday night by winning his eighth gold medal in eight attempts. He has become one of the most recognizable and successful Olympic athletes of all time. NBC has made the swimmer the centerpiece of their coverage. However, he is not the only Phelps that NBC is interested in.

The network was inundated with email and phone calls applauding the coverage of Mrs. Phelps cheering and embracing her son from the stands inside the Water Cube. So much so that NBC has decided to give Mrs. Phelps her own reality TV show.

The show, Medaling Mom, will debut on NBC this fall on Thursday nights at 8:30pm ET. Mrs. Phelps will be shown attending swim meets all over the country, at all levels, where she will sit in the stands and critique and confront cheering mothers of the swimmers.

"I think it's a great opportunity. I will basically get into the mothers' business and tell them how they are doing as 'swim moms,'" said mother Phelps.

One stipulation in the contract states that she will not be filmed at her son's meets. "I will not be filmed trying to pass judgment on other parents at my son's meets. I won't stoop that low," said mother Phelps.

However, the contract does call for Mrs Phelps to wear a giant foam finger to all meets. She must also wear one of Michael's eight gold medals to every meet she attends. And at least once during a meet, must point at the gold medal with the giant finger.

Michael appeared happy for his mother and didn't think she was stealing attention. "I think it's great. I was just happy they changed the original format of the show."

Phelps is referring to the idea producers first pitched to his mother. It called for her to travel the country attending meets and working a stand where fans would take a blindfolded taste test of Coke and Pepsi.

Bush:'As long as I get my delicious and good tasting peaches and can watch the Masters I don't care what Russia does in Georgia.'

Coxswain with artificial voice not allowed to compete at Games

Garry Montorsi's dream of competing in the Beijing Games as a coxswain for the Canadian men's heavy weight eight rowing team came to an end yesterday morning.

The Olympic Governing Body (OGB) ruled that the device Montorsi uses to speak, because of years of heavy smoking, gives him an unfair advantage over other coxswains competing in the games.

"It's not fair to the other athletes here in Beijing," said Yuri Fetisov, an OGB official. "With the device, his voice is very crisp and clear and somewhat louder."

Some coxswains agreed with the OGB decision. "During practice yesterday I heard Montorsi yelling 'stroke, stroke.' It was just so damn clear and understandable," said Australia's men's heavy weight eight coxswain Clinton Thomas.

Montorsi, 22,was born with a rare smoking problem. "I smoked from the time I was 6 or 7. It was just a problem I was born with," said Montorsi. "I had a doctor's note to smoke in class and on the playground. But never really learned to smoke in the pool."

So intense is his habit that he often smoked on board the scull while shouting signals, using his electrical voice box, for the rowers when he first began in the sport. Montorsi attempted to hold the cigarette out to the side so secondhand smoke would not drift into the rower's faces.

"He had a device to help him speak but on the top of it was a hole to place a cigarette. So he could talk and smoke," said Hal Garren, his coach at Winnipeg State University in Manitoba, Canada.

Because of the heavy smoking, Montorsi lost his voice around the age of 12 and became a coxswain at the age of of 15. He admitted that it was difficult in the beginning, but later he learned to accept his new voice device.

"In middle school [my friends and I] would go to the supermarket and I would yell,'Clean up in aisle four.' Minutes later store employees would arrive at a clean aisle. We would all crack up. At baseball games I would yell, 'And now batting...'" said a smiling Montorsi.

The OGB realizes this was a difficult decision and has offered Montorsi and his family a ten-day all-expense-paid vacation to Hong Kong and Nanjing.

Phelps to swim in sneakers for rest of Olympics

Record-setting men's US swimmer Michael Phelps has decided to swim the remainder of his Olympic races while wearing sneakers. This is a decision made by Phelps and not by the International Olympic Committee.

"I just want to see if I can still set records in sneakers," said a smiling Phelps. "It might level the playing field somewhat."

In the past the IOC(International Olympic Committe) has limited dominant athletes in some way to create more parity and closer competition to increase television audiences.

For example the IOC forced Mark Spitz to don a mustache during the 1972 Olympics in Mexico in an attempt to slow the gold medalist down. Swimmers are known to shave their entire body for better aerodynamics. However, the mustache(It later became known as the Speedstache) wasn't able to level the field.

"Phelps is so good that we didn't think that anything would hinder his march to history," said IOC president, Carl Kyle.

Phelps vehemently denied that his recent endorsement deal with Nike required him to swim at least two Olympic races in the athletic company's sneakers.

When asked what brand of sneakers he would be wearing Phelps gave a smile and asked,"Does it really matter?"

World uneasy after China uses opening ceremonies to unveil, parade nukes

Yao Ming to carry flag, Jackie Chan during opening ceremonies

The Chinese government confirmed that superstar basketball player Yao Ming will carry movie star Jackie Chan during the opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics. Ming will also carry the Chinese flag, an honor usually awarded to a country's most recognizable athlete. Before being bestowed this honor Ming was planning to carry a flag with a print of Jackie Chan.

"I will now carry the real Jackie and my country's flag, what an honor," said Ming, center for the Houston Rockets.

Favre:'I'm so happy I could change the spelling of my last name.'

Chinese relying on Great Wall, Terracotta Warriors for Olympic security

The Chinese have spent almost $47 billion in preparation for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. The spending is a record for the athletic event and has been used to construct and improve athletic facilities, mass transit systems including subways, new highways, hotels and a general citywide clean up.

However, almost none of the $47 billion has been earmarked for security. The city and country feel existing safeguards are sufficient for the games.

"We have this giant wall and an entire army of clay warriors. We really didn't think spending money on more security was justifiable," said Yang Juang, an Olympic security adviser.

Juang is referring to the Great Wall of China which is less than 50 miles north of Beijing. The wall stretches for more than 4,000 miles and would be very difficult for any terrorist to negotiate if coming from the north on foot.

The statue warriors mentioned by Juang are stationed in Xi'an which is nearly 600 miles to the southwest of the capital. Officials hope the Terracotta Warriors, as they are called, will deter terrorist activity simply with their intimidating posture and stare.

"If terrorists or harm-doers were able to make it past the Wall, highly unlikely, then the warriors would be waiting for them in Xi'an and could make it to the Capital in less than a week. They are made of the toughest terracotta on the planet and terracotta can scare the meanest person," said Juang.

Lost dolphin puts on show, then shot

On Saturday afternoon near 86th and the bay in Sea Isle City, NJ Coast Guard officials attempted to direct a stray dolphin toward the Townsend's inlet and back into the Atlantic Ocean. The Coast Guard was unsure how long the dolphin had been in the bay, but the mammal was attracting a large crowd both on land and on the water.

Speed boats, kayaks, sailboats, jet skis and other water craft gathered near the dolphin to get a better glimpse. However, boaters did not have to do much as the very social "fish" visited many of the vessels up close to say hello and put a Sea World-type show on for some.

"It was amazing! He came up next to our boat and popped his head out and he let everyone on board pet him," said Sarah Hillsdale, visiting from Cherry Hill, NJ.

The dolphin would then dive under the bay water for several minutes and surface next to another watercraft to start the show all over again.

There was one boat that the dolphin did not include on its visits: the Coast Guard speed boat.

"It was very noticeable. Just basically ignored the orange boat. Maybe it's scared of orange or something," reasoned Jeff Ilgalsciss, owner of the boat "Made of the Fist."

Through out the ordeal the Coast Guard was announcing, via loud speaker, to the boat crowd not to touch the dolphin and not to chase it further from the inlet.

Timmy McKitt, 11, aboard the "Waves and Daves," admitted to trying to stick a Dorito in the mammal's blow hole. "I didn't mean to do it. Even if I meant it I thought it would be able to chew it with its blow hole teeth. Plus it was cool ranch, anyway."

"We were just very frustrated that the dolphin was ignoring us. It was making us look so bad. It wouldn't come over to us to say 'hello' and that was considered a threat to the coast," said General Bradley Sorono.

The Coast Guard has its own color code for terror level: orange for orange-level terror, red for red-level terror, and magenta for magenta-level terror.

Though the three crew members could not agree on a threat level each felt "the porpoise had a purpose." It was at this point that the dolphin was shot...with a telephoto lens so its image could be added to the organization's "Threat Website."

Beijing hires Mark Spitz to aid anti-spitting campaign

Olympic officials in Beijing, the site of this year's summer games, have hired former U.S. swimmer Mark Spitz to assist in its Anti-spitting campaign. The nine-time gold medal winner (1968 and 1972 games) is set to arrive in China on August 3 and has already taken part in marketing photos and ads.

With hordes of tourists and fans descending on China's capital for the two week event, government officials have been asking citizens to stop, or at least reduce, spitting--a common Chinese habit.

"We hired Mark to come in here and do a series of lectures on spitting and why it's not such a great habit. It just makes sense," said Jun Shan, Beijing's Olympic Committee vice president. "Given his last name he must be an expert."

Chinese officials fear that westerners visiting the city could be turned off by locals spitting and line cutting.

"I've never lectured before in my life, so I have a hunch that they hired me solely for my last name," said Spitz, who agreed that spitting can be a nasty habit. "For fifty grand and a free trip to Beijing I'll go around telling people that spitting is bad."

Posters and billboards are already strewn throughout the city picturing Spitz, arms folded, frowning at a blemish on the sidewalk. Another ad shows Spitz with a ready-to-spit Yao Ming and the swimmer's bobble finger moving back and forth to indicate unacceptable behavior.

Though resident's are curbing the habit, ten lucky Beijingers will be chosen to extinguish the Olympic flame, at the end of the games, by spitting.