Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Monday, May 21, 2012

Gracious host: London considering letting Olympic visitors drive on either side of road

'We want tourists to drive on whatever side of the road they feel most comfortable. It's a no-brainer,' said one city official.

Monday, May 14, 2012

N.H.L.'s last 'sneaker referee' simply wants to fit in

Above: Sneaker Ref Billy O'Sullivan charges up the ice to follow the play between the Sharks and the Blues.



St. Louis--Billy O'Sullivan doesn't like to stand out. In fact, the 16-year N.H.L. veteran referee usually goes out of his way to blend in with the crowd. A quiet father of three and a native of Michigan's Upper Peninsula, his head-down and say-nothing-controversial approach has served him well in the planet's best ice hockey league. Yet, fans and players would never know this--his disdain for standing out--by watching O'Sullivan perform his job.

Attempting to soothe his pre-playoff game nerves he jokes around with the two other officials in the comfortable referees' room in the bowels of the Scottrade Center before finishing a semi-green banana. The game, only thirty or so minutes away, will be his 300th post-season appearance and the league plans to recognize the accomplishment with a brief JumboTron video highlight reel (for a ref?). He hates to stand out.

He calmly tosses the banana peel into the waste basket. He is ready. When the three men stand--all similar in height in shoes--and exit the mahogany-covered room to make their way to the ice for the matchup between the Sharks and Blues, O'Sullivan, much to his chagrin, noticeably stands out. He is all the sudden the shortest of the three ... by far.

You see, O'Sullivan is the last of the "Sneaker Refs" from the late 1990s. He has earned a nickname from his peers: Last of the Mo-sneakens. During the latter part of that decade, N.H.L. officials, many seeking to reduce the risks of retirement aches and pains, pushed comfort over quality and nearly 70 percent of the referee workforce dropped skates for sneakers.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Police raid 76ers intern's apartment, discover hordes of Chicago Bulls voodoo dolls

Intern claims: 'I studied history at Tulane and nothing else, I swear.' Detectives will not say which Bull will be injured today.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Weather forces mock DUI demonstration into school auditorium

School concerned that not holding fake accident on the football field reduced its authenticity.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Rookie sports reporter loses best-of-seven rocks-paper-scissors matchup, must now cover compelling Predators-Coyotes series

"I knew I should have gone with rock that last round, I totally went against my instincts," said Harold Bentley, a first-year sports reporter with the Flagstaff Daily Times Sentinel in Flagstaff, AZ, referring to a rock-paper-scissors tournament that determined which reporter for the paper would cover the second-round playoff series between the Phoenix Coyotes and the Nashville Predators. "Yay, I'm off to Phoenix and Nashville ... by bus. Yay."

Monday, April 23, 2012

Fenway Park at 100: Groundbreaking participants 'came for the beans'

Above: The formal groundbreaking ceremony for Boston's Fenway Park over 100 years ago. A newspaper report from the day recounted the events: "A loud cheer rose from the crowd on this blustery day not only signaling the beginning of a glorious new base ball grounds, but that it was time for beans. The crowd was promised two generous helpings of Boston's finest beans. The hearty men quaffed the local food like a favorite ale." Pictured above in front row (from left to right): Harry O'Sullivan, Patrick "Two Punches" McShane, John "Three Punches" McShane, Seamus McGillicuddy, Donovan McDonovan, Olan McLauglin, Jack "Knife Fight" Reilly, Shawn "The Sucker Puncher" Smith, Michael Sweeny, Patrick "The Twice Baked Potato" McCallister, Tommy "Top Hat" Gallagher, Christopher "Kick to the Groin" Murphy, Patrick "The Drink" McDonald, Johnny "Let's take this outside ... or stay inside, it doesn't matter to me" Garrity, Kevin Michael "Lager or Ale" O'Reilly, Michael "The Ram" Graham, and Patrick Fitzpatrick.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Morgan Freeman 'appalled' by Penguins dirty play; backs out of deal to narrate team's season highlights

"Penguins don't act like that, I am appalled," Tweeted the Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman minutes after the heated Penguins-Flyers first-round playoff game ended yesterday at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia. "Supposed to narrate Penguins' season, but won't be doing that now. Cannot associate with that stuff. Go Flyers." The actor narrated the award-winning documentary March of the Penguins in 2005.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Report: Coast Guard loses three men while sinking unmanned Tsunami Ghost Ship

Alaska--The ship that has captured the imaginations and attention of millions of people worldwide is now at the bottom of the ocean, but not without paying a steep price. The fishing vessel, referred to as the Tsunami Ghost Ship, took over a year to drift across the vast Pacific Ocean and into U.S. (Alaska) waters after a 9.0 earthquake generated a tsunami that hit the coast of Japan last March pulling tons of debris into the sea. U.S. government officials instructed the Coast Guard to "take out the ghost ship by any means necessary." Officials will not comment beyond saying that the mission went "horribly, horribly" wrong and three brave members of the Guard have been lost. The Coast Guard issued this statement: "They will not be forgotten. They risked their lives to send that unmanned, rusted threat to our national security to sleep with the fishes. We salute you."

Monday, April 9, 2012

Valley Forge Casino Opens: Park reenactors including new slot machines in tales from the encampment

Above: The new Outdoor George Washington Headquarters and Dimes Slot Machines in Valley Forge National Historical Park. Reenactors have been instructed by park officials to include the slots when telling stories of the revolutionary encampment during the harsh winter of 1777-78. "General Washington, after receiving a letter from British-occupied Philadelphia denying the request for more troops, ammunition, and money, rushed from the warm confines of his stone headquarters seeking solace--and possibly financial help--from the slot machines just steps from the entrance," said an animated Valley Forge reenactor Julia Beckworth to the twenty or so tourists gathered in the small farmhouse. "He played the machines for several hours and won enough money to feed and clothe the troops during the brutal winter. And, ladies and gentlemen, you can win, too. Please, exit out the front and try the slots like General Washington did hundreds of years ago."

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Every year same debate surfaces as March turns to April: Should spring training batting practice home runs count as regular season statistics?

Tampa, FL--The debate is as old as baseball itself, well, maybe at least as old as spring training itself. Each spring when the snow begins to melt and the color green becomes less of a stranger, baseball fans, players, statisticians, announcers, those not interested in baseball, politicians and most everyone else on the planet argue over the same issue: should baseball spring training batting practice home runs count for regular season statistics? "Listen, I'm not here to argue one way or the other, I'm simply here to say that it is a hot debate each and every year. And, eventually, Major League Baseball will have to address the issue. Whatever they decide," said Terry Bronson, president and sole member of the South Jersey-based group JBIBPIFOADMINRB (Just Because It's Batting Practice in Florida or Arizona Doesn't Mean It's Not Real Baseball), "I'll accept their decision."

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Lottery officials investigating one of three winning tickets in record jackpot

Baltimore, MD--Mega Millions Lottery officials have called upon expert lottery fraud investigators to analyze one of the winning tickets (pictured above) from yesterday's record $640 million jackpot prize. Winning tickets were sold in Illinois, Maryland and Kansas, and the authenticity of one of these tickets--officials are not saying which one--is being seriously questioned.

"It looks like notebook paper to me," said Mega Millions official Jeff Constantine, when asked what made the multi-state lottery take a second, third, fourth and fifth look at one of the three winning tickets. "I can't say definitively until we get the notebook paper official test back. Also, Mega Millions is not a hyphenated word, but that could have been a printing error on our part."

Another lottery official commented: "The numbers almost look handwritten, but there's also a chance that they are not handwritten. What stood out to me was that one of the numbers is crossed out. There is something very odd about that. However, it is crossed out so well that it could just be a computer glitch."

Some officials are embarrassingly impressed by the craftsmanship of the ticket. "If it is fake it's one of the best forgeries that I have ever seen," said Gail Leopold, an independent lottery fraud consultant with Cooper-Sinclair. "At the top it has 'Official Ticket', which, to me, means it's an official ticket. Plus, all of the numbers are correct. It's going to be very difficult to deny this winner a claim to over $200 million."

A decision to split the winnings two ways or three ways should be made by Monday.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Manning confident larger Denver market key to landing endorsement deals, 'getting name out there'

Star quarterback claims Indianapolis' smaller market restricted his ability to secure endorsement deals. 'People will know who Peyton Manning is now.'

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lehigh overcomes 'disturbing' number of consonants in defeating Krzyzewski

Mountain Hawks' coach shouted consonants at players during practice all week; had fans wear t-shirts with single, large consonants.




Tuesday, March 6, 2012

N.B.A. moving closer to implementing center court jump ball after each basket scored

New York--The N.B.A. is on the doorstep of adopting several new rules beginning, perhaps, as early as this year's playoffs. First, a jump ball at center court will follow each basket scored. No longer will the team scored upon inbound the ball from the baseline to restart play. "It's something we should have done years ago," said commisioner David Stern. "It will lengthen the game by, on average, three hours to allow for more advertising." Second, players will be permitted to celebrate after each basket (below)--much like hockey does after each goal.

Embarrassed bomber jacket maker drops 'unintentionally offensive' Susan Boyle ads

Company and singer admit it sounded much different on paper.