Report: NFL considering holding Super Bowl every four years

New York City--Reports have surfaced that the NFL is considering a plan to hold the Super Bowl every four years. Say what? Why provide rabid and casual fans less of its showcase event, which captures the largest American television audience of the year? "If [the NFL] could, the NFL would hold two Super Bowls annually," reported one league official on condition of anonymity. "But they can't, or can they? The strategy here is to heavily--I mean, heavily--promote the conference championships, which would be played in two neutral sites on different weeks for three 'off' years between Super Bowls. Voila: that's how they get their two Super Bowls." An "AFC Super Bowl" and an "NFC Super Bowl" doubles television commercial spots, ticket sales, and the two-week pregame media frenzy leading up to the contest. On the the year the Super Bowl is held, conference championships would be played in stadiums of the highest remaining playoff seed, as is the case now. The league could also add a round to the playoffs during "off" years to "counter" the lost final game. "Analysts predict a (very hungry) television audience for a Super Bowl held every four years could double viewer numbers and send costs for commercials skyrocketing. The hype for the game would be unimaginable." Not seeing an AFC team compete against an NFC team in the final game of the year on the grandest stage may be tough for many to understand. And that, in the end, the NFL is, well, a business.

Coach's pregame Pro Bowl speech simply a rant about previous day's cancelled excursion to Maui

Judge rules in favor of NBC: no tv network should have to televise 3 consecutive Pro Bowls

The arbitrator used the words "cruel" and "unusual" a total of 108 times during lengthy ruling.

'Omaha...steaks...steaks...Omaha...steaks... Heartland quality since 1917, hut, hut': Steak company pays Manning millions to tweak line scrimmage call

Omaha, NE--Omaha Steaks has reached an agreement with Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning to endorse the steak company during games while calling plays at the line of scrimmage. "During game broadcasts, Peyton's line of scrimmage calls are so audible to the home viewer," said Omaha Steaks CEO, Gary Devlin. "His shouts of 'Omaha' are so clear. We thought what if we added 'Steaks' to the call, and maybe a short description about quality and the founding year of the company. I mean, how perfect is that?" The proposed call: Omaha...steaks...Omaha...steaks...steaks... Heartland quality since 1917, hut, hut. The call order can--and should--be varied so as not to come across as a product advertisement during play, which would go against NFL rules. The 37-year-old Manning will be paid $2.2 million for the remainder of the playoffs, which, the meat manufacturer, distributor, and marketer hopes, includes the Super Bowl.

5th Anniversary: Where is it now? Miracle on the Hudson plane back in service, operating domestic routes

Recent passenger sitting in seat A22 reported "swelled, crinkled" SkyMall clearly aboard Miracle flight. "It was frustrating, most of the pages for the cool pet products were stuck together--unreadable."

Christie officials claim pics of Gov. physically blocking eight lanes of GW Bridge traffic 'probably, no, definitely Photoshopped'

Polar Vortex: Coast Guard: Tapping from inside iced-over lighthouse has ceased, tapping machine AA batteries likely dead

Despite the digital age, Chip Kelly is committed to the VCR

The Chichen Itza-shaped pyramid of video home system (VHS) tapes piled in Chip Kelly's office make it difficult to spot the first-year NFL coach rewinding, pausing, and fast-forwarding one of said cassettes on a circa 1980s VCR. The worn down device precariously fights for space on a small tv dinner table positioned adjacent to the very cluttered main desk and spews wires that twist and turn their way to a nearby television.

Kelly, 50, is a video cassette stalwart, almost to a fault. "I'm a VHS guy," said Kelly, half yelling and flashing a smirk that suggests that, in 2014, he probably shouldn't be. The humming and whining sounds emanating from the gray box force the offensive innovator to raise the volume of his voice. "I realize they're on the way out--actually are out--but it's all I know. I'm comfortable with tapes. I'm a master at adjusting the tracking to improve the picture on the television. There's no tracking with digital...that makes me uncomfortable."

The New Hampshire native beams when asked about the previously mentioned VCR in the center of the room. It is a top-loading relic purchased in a Portsmouth, N.H., electronics shop in 1987 with money borrowed from a friend. "It has the original motor. I had one VCR expert tell me a couple weeks ago that it has played, rewound, or fast-forwarded nearly 300,000 miles of magnetic tape. It's my little engine that could."

Report: Lehigh Univ. president gave hints of departure: driving on left side of road, asking friends to 'high tea,' using 'mental'

Bethlehem, PA--Alice P. Gast is stepping down as president of Lehigh University, a position she has held since 2006, and moving into the top role at Imperial College London. Lehigh students and faculty claim the lead administrator began leaving hints of her departure weeks ago. "Last week, out of the clear blue, she began speaking in a British accent during a brief phone conversation," said one longtime faculty member. "It caught me off guard but now it makes perfect sense." Friends say that Gast began consuming and stockpiling "absurd" amounts of tea, referred to dinner as "high tea," and peppered meetings with the term "mental." There have also been reports that the president has been spotted driving on the left side of the road in and around the mountainside University. However, the clearest indication that the president was lining up a move to the other side of the Atlantic came with the installation of twenty-five bright red phone booths all over campus in early December.   

Year in Review: United Artists, Fox, NBC, MLB, PGA say no thank you to content appearing on Eagles' playcall signs

Eagles forced to pay millions of dollars to use the copyrighted material when signaling plays from the sideline. "It's well worth it," said team owner, Jeffrey Lurie. "Absolutely worth it." (United Artists claims image from Rocky on signal card gives away ending of film.)

Family 'sort of annoyed' that soldier planned no elaborate surprise return for the holidays

"We picked him up at the airport after he sent us an email about a week ago that he was coming home for Christmas," said the soldier's father. "I mean, I'm thrilled that he's home, but, c'mon, put some effort into your arrival, man."

Year in Review: Temple Univ. cuts 7 sports to ease relocation process of main campus to Indiana

"Yep, we're moving the University to Indiana," said Temple University president Neil D Theobald, a Midwest native and recent Hoosier resident. "We're trying to lighten the load of the move and decided to cut seven sports programs. Now, we don't have to transport all that athletic equipment. Moving is the worst." 

SEPTA restarts construction of Broad Street Trolley after state passes $2.3 billion transportation bill

Above: In August 2012, workers were rapidly laying track for the new Broad Street Trolley Line in South Philadelphia near the stadium complex. SEPTA abruptly suspended the project last year, which will run from Pattison Avenue to Fern Rock Transportation Center when complete--a distance of nearly ten miles--after failing to secure needed funding to continue construction. The financial problem was (surprisingly?) solved after Pennsylvania passed a $2.3 billion (multi-modal) transportation bill at the end of November. "The passing of that bill saved the Broad Street Trolley Line," said Jim Copperfield, managing co-director of rail expansion at SEPTA. "The new line--I don't even want to mention the total cost--will provide a second great option for transit users to negotiate the City's main north-south thoroughfare. It will complement the Broad Street Subway, which already covers the exact same route...but underground. We really needed this bill passed to resume this rail project." Work began on the line in June 2012, between Pattison Avenue and Mifflin Street, where one and a half miles of track were put in place by the end of that summer. The new trolley will effectively replace the former C Bus route, which at one time provided a surface transit option for Broad Street. Not everyone is on board with the plan: "Broad Street has the subway, it DOES NOT need a trolley--period," said PA Senator Allen Bourne. "These funds should be used to provide hourly hovercraft service along the Schuylkill River to ease congestion on the [I-76] Expressway."

Year in Review: GM of struggling 2-6 Texans admits to 'almost firing coach during hospital visit'

"He was asleep during the entire visit and leaving a note was totally inappropriate."

Ice sculptor never once mentioned ice sculpting to Home Depot employees when purchasing new chainsaw

"He mentioned cutting down trees and branches and cutting up old boards, but never once mentioned ice sculpting," said one store associate who happened to be in the audience at a local Winterfest ice sculpting contest where he watched in amazement as the customer carved a block of ice. "Life is always full of surprises--it really is."

Eagles punter Donnie Jones met with former NFL linebacker Dhani Jones to discuss using air guitar celebration

Philadelphia--Two Eagles players, one past and one present, sat at a small, rectangular window table in a crowded Starbucks on Walnut Street late yesterday afternoon. The sheer size of the two swallowed the restaurant furniture giving the scene a sort of cartoonish quality. Outside the snow had tapered off to mere flurries, but inside the friendly conversation/negotiation was just getting started. "My family and I thought it was time to have a celebration for when I nail a great punt, and the air guitar just seems like a great fit for me," said first-year Eagles punter Donnie Jones. "That being said, I know Dhani's [Jones] thing was the air guitar when he played and I didn't want to just start using it without his blessing. So, I reached out to him about a week ago." Because of very different schedules, the two were unable to meet until yesterday. "I really don't know Donnie at all," said Dhani Jones, the former linebacker, sipping an espresso macchiato. "I really respect that he contacted me. I mean, he could have just started using the air guitar on his own. I wanted to meet with him face to face to see if he was worthy and prepared for the many challenges and responsibilities that come along with performing the air guitar. I'll admit my first reaction was that no way did I want a punter using my move. But, I promised I would at least meet with him...and I'm really glad I did." The two came to an agreement that the punter could use the move no more than three times per game on the conditions that Donnie take two hours of air guitar lessons a week; keep the air guitar tuned properly; and air guitar left-handed only. 

Halladay retires: Pitcher's one day contract with Blue Jays could reach $3 million with incentives

Grinning NFL Network analyst Michael Irvin politely excuses self from set during 'tempting' Eagles-Lions highlights

Later in the broadcast, after returning from a commercial break, the former Pro Bowl receiver joked to a fellow analyst: "I couldn't sit here and watch guys clear lines in Philly." 

All part of the plan? Temple surprisingly adds men's and women's indoor parkour day after cuts

A day after Temple University cut seven intercollegiate sports programs, board members attempted to appease the harsh critics of the move by adding two programs. This morning, university president Neil D. Theobald announced the addition of men's and women's indoor parkour, along with plans for a state-of-the-art indoor parkour facility. "Yesterday was a difficult day for the Temple community, there's no doubt about it," said a sullen president referring to the elimination of the seven athletic programs. "[Board members] knew there would be a lot of heat for making such a difficult decision. So, today, it is with great pleasure that I announce the addition of men's and women's indoor parkour teams to begin competition in the fall of 2015. We think this more than makes up for the loss of the other programs." The president also made clear that all student athletes affected by the cuts are "more than welcome to tryout for the parkour team." Also during the news conference, the university, surprisingly, unveiled elaborate renderings for a $3 million parkour facility designed by Interphase PK Studio to be constructed in a yet to be determined site on the west side of Broad Street. "I was devastated when I heard the news that rowing was cut," said sophomore rower Jessica Graham. "I am unfamiliar with parkour, but I guess it will be fun to attend those matches or games or whatever you call them. The addition of parkour definitely makes a crappy situation better." It has long been reported that Temple has been "on a mission" to get into the "very lucrative world" of collegiate parkour and the huge television revenue associated with the sport.

NFL says Super Bowl countdown clock counting up for a reason

The League would not get into specifics, but reiterated that "the clock is counting up for a reason, just think about it for a minute."

Report: Several stores set up 'Customer Fighting Areas' (with referees) on Black Friday

"We want all the fights over the holiday season to take place in our state-of-the-art CFAs," said one store manager. "Preliminary studies show Customer Fighting Areas keep everyone safer and help stores divide select merchandise more fairly. [CFAs] help us manage fights much better." 

Thanksgiving Nor'easter: Airport passenger stranded since Sandy tells those delayed to 'quit their whining'

"This is the second Thanksgiving I've spent in this airport," said the passenger. "This tent has been home for thirteen months; so, please, don't complain about your two-hour delay. I went from being a customer at Cinnabon to working part-time there. Now, that's a delay."

Controversial move: Store opening on day before Thanksgiving

Many consumers called the move to open the day before Thanksgiving "appalling" and "that's just going too far." Other stores have hinted that next year they will do one better and open the day before the day before Thanksgiving (Tuesday). When will the madness end?

China to finally provide 'real aid' to Philippines: Will put on free 'gymnastics extravaganza' for typhoon victims

Hong Kong--The nation of over one billion people was sharply criticized for not launching its state-of-the-art hospital ship soon after Typhoon Haiyan hit and devastated much of the Philippines on November 7, killing nearly 5,000. Many cited the current dispute between the two countries over territory in the South China Sea for keeping the 15,000 ton vessel in port and only pledging $200,000 in aid (while other nations--near and far--donated millions). But the media's censure of the Chinese government quickly turned to praise after the nation decided to hold a free "gymnastics extravaganza" in the hard hit city of Tacloban. "[Chinese government officials] were wrong not to get involved more with providing relief for the disaster in the Philippines," said one Chinese official in an article that appeared in yesterday's The Peoples' Paper of the People. "China will hold an outdoor free gymnastics showcase event in Tacloban to lift the spirits of the millions displaced by the mega-typhoon. Though the event is free, we would still like all attendees to register online and print a ticket and bring it with them to the site, which is still yet to be determined." Filipinos and their government were thrilled and thankful that China "was finally joining the relief effort on the appropriate scale."

One World Trade Center ruled tallest building in country, but must add eleven feet

Chicago--Last week, the Council on Really Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat met--ironically--in the basement of a Chicago skyscraper to vote on which building is currently the tallest in the United States. The reason for the gathering (besides the free drinks and deep dish pizza): the still-under-construction gleaming One World Trade Center in New York City topped off months ago at 1,776 feet, including the 408-foot spire perched at the top. The debate and vote centered around whether or not to include the spire in the tower's overall height. If excluded, the Willis Tower, at 1,451 feet, would remain the tallest in the country, surpassing the building-only height of the 1WTC by 83 feet. The meeting lasted nearly six hours and eventually the 25-member council unanimously voted to make 1WTC king of all U.S. skyscrapers. However, there is a stipulation. One World Trade Center must add eleven feet to the spire bringing the tower to 1,787 feet. The reason behind the addition: "I'm a U.S. Constitution guy," said a smiling Brett Stevenson, chair of the Council on Really Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat. "Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is great and all. And, yes, I get the whole 1776 thing, but the Constitution is just so awesome, and it was created in 1787. I think 'We the People' is  more representative of the American vibe." Though 'extremely disappointed,' 1WTC developers will 'reluctantly comply' and add eleven feet to the top.

Tyson: I'm not making excuses, but I sincerely believe I was a victim of 'knockout game' inside Tokyo Dome in 1990

The former heavyweight champion said he was just minding his own business trying to defend his belt when he "got leveled" by "someone the world barely knew."

Fans outraged after Sarah Jessica Parker cast in lead role for 'Angie's List: The Movie'

Parker may soon step aside if pressure continues to mount from the rabid fans of the consumer ratings website.

Majority of Granary residents still wary entire building could be moved to Los Angeles

"I'm not stupid. I realize a Los Angles based company just purchased the building...that I JUST moved into. So, I'm not going to get too settled in to my new apartment," said one concerned Granary resident. "I'm not going to hang anything on the walls and I'll probably leave my pull-out couch and pool table in storage. My grandfather was a Brooklyn Dodgers fan, so..."

Braves moving to Atlanta suburbs: Turner Field to get expansion MLB franchise in 2017

New 47-story tower in University City will break 'gentlemen's agreement' not to build higher than the Cira Centre

Since 2005, in Philadelphia's University City neighborhood, there has been a "gentlemen's agreement" not to build structures taller than the "real pointy top" of the twinkling, 29-story Cira Centre just north of Amtrak's 30th Street Station. The sleek glass office tower completed that same year was to stand as the "top of West Philly for generations." Well, this agreement just got tossed out the window from the 47th floor.

The FMC Tower, a new 47-story building--mostly office, with some residential, and retail--will rise at the northeast corner of 30th Street and Walnut Street and shatter the 437 ft height of the Cira Centre by more than two hundred feet. The new building should be completed by the summer of 2016 if ground is broken by mid 2014.

"You know, this is wrong," said James Caldren, a longtime resident of University City and ardent opponent of the new tower. "The height agreement won't even last ten years. At least William Penn's hat capped the city for 80-some years. Now, UPenn and Drexel will never win an NCAA championship again."

Caldren is referring to the handshake agreement not to build higher than the top of the William Penn statue atop City Hall that was negated with the construction of One Liberty Place in 1987. Many area residents believed that a curse was placed on the local professional sports teams by putting the 37-ft tall, 29-ton statue in the shadows.

Incidentally, the city's title drought lasted from 1983 until 2008, ending with the Phillies' World Series victory over Tampa Bay. Many credit the construction crews working on the rising Comcast Center--the city's tallest building--for ending the curse when, during the topping off ceremony, workers secured a miniature William Penn statue to the top of the structure in 2007.

"Oh, please relax, there will be no curse on the collegiate athletic programs of University City," said the new building's developer Harold Sweringer, of Bourbonwhiskey Real Estate. "There was never any height agreement. Mr Caldren is an active and respected community member and at the very noisy conclusion of the opening ceremonies for the Cira Centre in 2005 he stuck his hand out, so I shook it. I couldn't hear what was going on or being said."

Drexel University and the University of Pennsylvania expressed some interest in possibly placing a miniature model of the Cira Centre on top of the new tower. "I'm not a superstitious person," said one university official. "But, I would feel a lot more comfortable about our sports teams if we placed a little Cira Centre model on top of the new skyscraper."