The sneaker company denies the climb was a publicity stunt, but a new ad to air in September will feature footage from the hairy ascent.
A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
9,999 Villages? One village decides to 'test waters, head off on own'
Fair trade handmade gift shop frantically searching for replacement village to keep name intact. "We just think it's time we did our own thing," said a village representative. "It was an amicable separation...sort of."
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Developers vague about how residents will access condos atop billboard
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Dunkin' Donuts kiosk opens inside Center City Dunkin' Donuts
Philadelphia--A Dunkin' Donuts inside a Dunkin' Donuts? This is exactly what a java-seeking patron will find on the 1600 block of JFK Blvd in the city's bustling office district. The new downtown doughnut kiosk is the nation's first located within a Dunkin' Donuts store--most are found in airports and malls. The Massachusetts based coffee chain is expanding rapidly in the Philadelphia area, quadrupling the number of locations over the past fifteen years from a scant 25,000 in 2000 to over 100,000 by early 2014. (The company would not comment on the number of new DDs opened since January, but the city estimates it at around 15,000--for a total of 115,000.) There are 48,236 DDs in Center City alone. "We wanted to expand without expanding," said Dale Hightower, chief financial officer at Dunkin' Donuts. "Does that make sense? We can expand and offer lower franchising fees without growing our real estate holdings or rents. This is very innovative stuff." The kiosks will be independently owned and operated from the host Dunkin' Donuts store. The company also acknowledged there are times during the business day when coffee/doughnut demand is so overwhelming that a supplemental kiosk will ease the strain on host store employees. After the first week of business some customers reported feeling confused by the new stand emblazoned with the bright DD logo. "I walked in and the people at the kiosk were waving me toward them, but so too were the employees at the counter of the store. It was very ... odd," said Sarah Beckner of East Falls.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Police raid $3.5 million beachfront home, uncover $20 million counterfeit beach tag operation
The elaborate tag program took up all four floors of the house and portions of an isolated rooftop deck.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
Monday, July 28, 2014
Outdoor moviegoers miss ending of 'Up' after helium-filled, inflatable movie screen drifts into the night sky
"It was only supposed to rise about ten feet off the ground," said a movie screen rental employee. "It was a publicity stunt that went very wrong. Please keep your eyes out for a large, inflatable movie screen, last spotted floating southwest."
Friday, July 18, 2014
World Cup: New Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) system debuts just in time for all-important weekend after major soccer tournament ends
"It was a nail-biter," said Adao Juan Felipe, Brazil's deputy of transit infrastructure. "We really pushed, we didn't think having the BRT completed in time for the weekend after the World Cup ended was feasible. It's a credit to all involved."
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Urine from fearful thrillseekers provides needed water for world's tallest water slide
"We don't need to pump water to the top in order for the rafts to glide down the slide," said Kansas City, MO, water park official Tom Loughlin. "The urination caused from the fear and anticipation of the ride provides enough water for the inflated crafts to smoothly negotiate the steep descent. It's been a fabulous, and, honestly, unexpected cost saver."
Friday, July 11, 2014
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
World Cup: FIFA pressuring ESPN to release percentage of Brazilian rainforest razed to construct eloborate Rio set
Some scientists estimate, simply by viewing the many broadcasts, that the sports network felled up to 35% of the country's jungle canopy to provide the materials for the "Beautiful Set."
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
World Cup: U.S. tennis great Andre Agassi embracing head coaching role with Chile
"I am grateful for the opportunity that the people of Chile have given me," said retired American tennis star Andre Agassi, current head coach of Chile's men's national soccer team. "[Chile] took a chance on a guy that knows nearly nothing about soccer. I mean, I know the whole 'don't use your hands thing.' The team has really embraced my idea of training while gripping a tennis racket. Yep, that's all we do is play tennis using a soccer ball. But, looking at our performance in this World Cup, I'd say it's working."
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
World Cup: ESPN's new soccer ball cameras forcing television viewers to take motion sickness medication
Dramamine purchases every remaining commercial slot for conclusion of tournament. The sports network claims that if players were striking the eight-pound ball correctly, there would be "zero spin," and, thus, a "much more enjoyable experience for the home audience."
Friday, June 20, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Director Marty Di Bergi wants shot at remaking World Cup broadcast player introductions--'the arm folding part'
The This is Spinal Tap director claims his arm folding work in the below clip--specifically, the 0:42 second mark--speaks for itself. "Nothing against FIFA, but I deserve a shot to rework the player intros," said De Bergi.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Concert goers spend entire performance avoiding beach tag checkers at renovated, sandy Festival Pier
At one point during the concert the entire audience entered the Delaware River--scaling a chain link fence in the process--in an effort to avoid paying the $14/day beach tag cost. "I had to go to the bathroom anyway," said one reveler.
Monday, June 9, 2014
Stanley Cup Final: Mark Messier guarantees a game four, not a victory, but just that a game four will be played
The former Rangers captain, who once promised a game six victory over the New Jersey Devils in the 1994 semi-finals, swears he made the guarantee 'before the series even started.'
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Budweiser Clydesdales (and full beer wagon) gracefully pulverize all eight jumps during Devon Horse Show exhibition
The full hitch has never completed a successful jump, but the crew "certainly loves to try each year." Budweiser covers the costs of all needed repairs.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Lazy Gehry? Art Museum's two tower expansion plan nearly identical to famed architect's Bilbao design
The world-renowned architect later admitted: "Okay, okay, yes, I may have borrowed some elements from my Guggenheim design. Okay, alright, it's the exact same concept. Are you happy now? I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling architecture kids, er, students."
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Blake Bortles joining with LeBron James to launch world's first wine cooler sports drink: Bortles & James
The new alcoholic sports beverage will replace depleted electrolytes and give athletes "a pretty good buzz." Television ads will remind consumers to drink responsibly and to have a "designated player."
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