A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Concussed Utley recovering slowly, remembers being hit by pitch but has 'no recollection of hitting .262 this season'
Chase Utley sat quietly behind a tabletop podium responding to queries from a small gathering of local press members seeking information on his playing status after suffering a concussion last week. ".262? Who's hitting .262 this season?" barked a usually soft-spoken Utley at a confused reporter who had asked the second baseman for thoughts on his struggles at the plate this season. "Yeah, I'm hitting .262, that's a good one. We got a prankster in the press room everybody." After being hit on the helmet by a pitch on Wednesday night against the Braves, the dazed player trotted down to third base--instead of first base--then asked third base coach Juan Samuel why he was coaching first base. "He was totally out of it," said Samuel, trying to hold back a smile. "I mean, my man's cranium was whacked. He even took a lead off of third toward second. We had a saying in the Dominican Repulic after a player suffered a concussion: your cerebellum ain't quite right."
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