Phillies, ballpark bracing for kayak inundation in Ashburn Alley

Above: Citizens Bank Park directors hired a Philadelphia Police Photoshop specialist to show what Ashburn Alley could look like over the weekend when the Giants come to town for games 1 and 2 of the NLCS. The kayakers could cause problems in the Alley.

South Philadelphia--Hank Blaylock gave a long sigh on Monday night after Miguel Cabrera grounded out to third base ending the Braves season and sending the San Francisco Giants into the NLCS, a date with the Phillies, for the first time since 2002.

Blaylock is executive director of Ashburn Alley, the mega-popular promenade just beyond the outfield seating sections in Citizens Bank Park named for the talented and one of the most well-liked Phillies' players and announcers of all time, Richie Ashburn. The brick-paved walk reaches capacity throughout the game as it is lined with food concessions that makes it a Philadelphia cuisine lover's paradise.

"Why did I sigh on Monday night?" repeated a wide-eyed Blaylock at an NLCS news conference in Center City, yesterday. "Because they're coming. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it."

Blaylock, somewhat surprisingly, is referring to the many Giants fans that will make the trip eastward from California to Philadelphia to follow their local nine on the road during this playoff run. These orange-clad fans from a great baseball town on the tip of a peninsula are not particularly known for being rowdy or obnoxious, so why all the concern?

"Kayaks!" interrupted Shane Deloitte, Blaylock's assistant. "They love their kayaks out there in San Fran. Always paddling around McCovey Cove and what not. Yeah, in those lousy kayaks. They're going to bring those bulky, plastic floating masses with them right onto Ashburn Alley and there ain't nothin' we can do about it."

It is true, Citizens Bank Park has no policy specifically prohibiting kayaks from entering the stadium. In fact, only two Major League clubs have banned the personal recreation watercraft: the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Oakland Athletics. These two franchises, one a division rival and the other just across the Bay, grew tired of having to accommodate visiting Giants' fans and the accompanying kayaks. Before banning them all together, the A's set a maximum of 5.5 ft per "anything that floats." This, after fans were caught riding down the stairs of the upper deck.

"My advice to Blaylock and his staff: cater to the kayakers as best you can," said San Diego's PetCo Park fan relations director Tony Rosenburg, who has plenty of experience with the backers from the City by the Bay. "If you start banning them from this part of the stadium and that part of the stadium or the parking lots, then you're going to really agitate and provoke them. You don't want to see a drunk, life jacket-wearing Giants' fan in a sea of red swinging a kayak and shouting:'Nobody criticizes our cable cars.'"

The Phillies said they will not close off any areas of the stadium, despite Blaylock's concerns over limited space on all the concourse areas. The team is also permitting kayaks to gather on the sidewalks and streets surrounding the ballpark, with the highest numbers expected on 10th St beyond the outfield seats and Ashburn Alley.

Above: San Francisco hosted the MLB All-Star Game in 2007. The weekend's events brought kayakers from all over the Bay Area to McCovey Cove in an effort to catch or recover a home run ball that cleared the right field stands. These kayakers are expected in Philadelphia this weekend in large numbers--inside the stadium.

Chilean government official: 'These guys aren't minors ... Oh ... miners!'

Rescuers shocked as 'minors' turned out to be miners

Reviews are in: Stadium Holiday Inn rooftop bleachers huge hit

South Philadelphia--Since the opening of Citizens Bank Park in 2004, the nearest part of the city's skyline, the Holiday Inn, has longed to cash in on it's proximity to the stadium complex by offering guests an unmatched "sporting experience." To do this, they climbed the hotel steps ... all of them. And, when the staircase ended, an idea was born.

The Yuengling Top O' the Bleachers at the Holiday Inning, the official name of the hotel's new rooftop game seating area, opened late last month to packed crowds. According to permits, the rooftop bleachers can seat up to 400 people, but some have estimated crowds over 600 gathered on every inch of available space.

Most of these fans have had nothing but positive reviews.

"It was really a great experience," said Ian Offerman, 56, of Point Breeze, who watched Roy Halladay's no-hitter through a telescope on the hotel roof. "The sight lines are awesome. The food is classic. And the back of the animatronic Liberty Bell is poetic. Plus, with military-strength binoculars, I can just make out Bull's Barbecue. Is that the Bull himself?"

"It's like Chicago, but really, really far from the field. And, really, really high up off the ground," said Sean McBride, a dentist from Marlton, NJ, comparing the seats to Wrigley Field's Waveland and Sheffield Ave rooftop stands. "All that was missing was the bratwurst ... and Ditka."

Venturing to the top of the 12-story hotel, however, especially as the seasons change and the shadows grow longer and the days shorter, is not for the faint of heart.

"The games are sold-out, so now the Holiday Inn is the diehard fan's only option," said Carol Francis, 38, dressing in layers for the 20-mph sustained winds that are part of the rooftop experience. "Oh, it's windy up there. During the last game, my eyes got so watery, I missed the final eight innings."

"The wind howls and you really can't hear the person next to you talk," said John Denpher, a Phillies fan from Trappe, PA. "But when it's blowing in the right direction, you can hear the roar of Citizens Bank [Park]."

The Phillies appear to welcome the new seats and plan to count the fans as part of the overall attendance for the respective game, despite being almost a quarter-mile away.

Holiday Inn's management said the bleachers will be open for Eagles' games beginning in November. Also, the hotel plans to add restrooms to the roof area. Currently, fans must climb the steps down to the lobby restrooms. Next season, a kids playland will be added to the very back edge of the roof.

Unbelievable: Halladay records his first playoff hit, RBI, run scored

Philadelphia, PA--The Phillies lead their National League Division Series 1-0 after winning the opening game, 4-0, over the Cincinnati Reds at a raucous Citizens Bank Park, thanks in part to a bat that is not a regular contributor to this dangerously powerful offense.

The Phillie's ace right-handed pitcher, Roy Halladay, who started his first playoff game last night after twelve postseason-less years in the league with Toronto, went 1 for 3 with a single (his first playoff hit) that drove in Carlos Ruiz (his first playoff RBI) to give the team a 2-0 lead in the second inning. Later in the inning, he would score his first playoff run when Shane Victorino singled to center field.

"Roy was struggling on the mound. He walked a guy with two outs in the fifth inning and everyone was a little concerned," said Ruiz, the Phils' catcher who has had a tremendous 2010 season. "Roy didn't have his best stuff, but he made up with it with his bat."

No one, including the workhorse pitcher and members of the media, wanted to discuss the Colorado native's pitching performance at the conclusion of the game. Television reporters pleaded with the seven-time All-Star for an on-field interview to discuss his second-inning single to left field.

In the clubhouse, a media mass converged on Halladay's locker to get details of how it felt to score his first playoff run.

"What went through your mind when you stepped on home plate?" asked one reporter. Halladay, who appears uncomfortable discussing personal achievements, said that he was happy the team got the win. The ultimate professional, Halladay talked briefly about the hit and admitted that he thought it was going to be caught as it quickly dropped to the turf.

Phils' manager Charlie Manuel was thrilled by the pitcher's bat performance, but realizes "Doc" needs to work on his pitch control. "It's great when a hurler can help his own cause by driving home a run or two. But, he walked that batter in the fifth and [Rich] Dubee [Phillies pitching coach] and I just looked at each other like, 'this guy is killing us. What's with this freakin' guy.' We picked up the bullpen phone, but it was only to scare him a bit."

Was standing ovation for a certain beloved snack cake mascot?

Philadelphia, PA--The national media, for once, praised Delaware Valley sports fans for their generous reception for the return of 11-year ex-Eagle quarterback Donovan McNabb. The nearly-minute long standing ovation was recognized, with a smile and wave, and appreciated by the new Washington Redskins' signal caller that led the home team to five NFC Championship games.

Standing behind McNabb on the field at the time of the ovation, however, was the beloved Kirby Krimpet, the mascot for Philadelphia-based Tasty Baking Company's butterscotch Krimpet, one of the city's iconic snack cakes.

"I told my buddy that I was disappointed that they didn't announce McNabb to the crowd," said Hank Barns, an Eagles' fan from Lansdowne, PA, who was seated in section 112 for the game. "He said they did, but it was at the same time that Kirby Krimpet came onto the field. I just get
so excited when I see Kirby Krimpet that I didn't even notice McNabb. I really was looking forward to seeing Donovan."

"This is embarrassing, but I was standing for Kirby Krimpet," said Tyler Supanoff, 54, from East Philadelphia. "I mean, you know it's a big event when Kirby makes an appearance. I feel horrible that I didn't see Donovan. I wanted to show my appreciation for all that he did for this team. I feel horrible."

The mascot, who made his debut in 1994, is regularly brought out for big sporting events at the South Philly sports complex.

"Kirby is like our new Kate Smith, but without the beautiful voice. Come to think of it, he doesn't sing ... or talk," said Teresa Gambone, a Lincoln Financial Field operations manager, referring to the famous singer that became a good luck charm for the Philadelphia Flyers during the 1970's while performing the national anthem before games. "Yeah, he really has no voice, but he's still our Kate Smith. A really quiet Kate Smith."

Part of the fixation with the mascot stems from the mystery of exactly how the Tasty Baking Company gets the icing on top of all Krimpet snack cakes.

"It is the age old question in Philadelphia: How do they get that icing on top of the Krimpet? I guess we'll never know," said Zack Galler, 45, of Francisville. "My kids and I go crazy when we see Kirby. My son has a t-shirt that reads,'Kirby+Krimpet=Kirby Krimpet.' It's priceless."

McNabb said after the game that he thought the standing ovation was for him until he panned around and saw Kirby Krimpet. "I really thought they were clapping for me, then I turned to see that walking, grinning Krimpet behind me. Philly loves that thing. I was a little embarrassed that I waved to the crowd and a little hurt that I had to share the stage with that delicious, icing-topped snack cake. How do they get that icing on top?"

Reid: 'I thought Donovan said meat at midfield after game. I looked, there was no meat. No meat at all!'

Corbett sinks low, attacks Onorato's nonexistant brother

Above: A clip from a recent Tom Corbett attack ad, where the Pennsylvania republican gubernatorial candidate criticizes Dan Onorato's "brother."

Philadelphia, PA--A new attack ad by Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Corbett has, surprisingly, in this 24-hour news era, broken new ground in Pennsylvania politics. Corbett, Pennsylvania Attorney General, signed off on a television ad that exclusively targeted his opponent's brother.

His opponent, Dan Onorato, Allegheny County Cheif Executive, secured the Democratic primary in the spring after emerging from a very competitive field. The Penn State alum, born in 1961, is the fourth of five children.

According to the television commercial, which was shown across the state beginning last night, Onorato's brother, Colin Onorato, ran for governor of Colorado four years ago, using the slogan,"Colin Onorato for Colorado."

The ad declares: "Colin Onorato for Colorado? Yes, that's right. Colin Onorato for Colorado. Colin Colorato for Onorado? That's quite the tongue-twister, wouldn't you agree? In 2006, Colin Onorato, Dan Onorato's brother, ran for governor of Colorado with this more-than-difficult campaign slogan. Can Pennsylvanians afford a governor who is associated with such a disorienting tongue-twister? Try to say Colin Onorato for Colorado three or four times quickly. It's not easy. But Dan Onorato certainly thinks it is. Dan appeared alongside his brother in Denver and was caught on tape stumbling over the slogan at several pep rallies. Wow, Dan. Wow! Tom Corbett for Pennsylvania. Not so difficult, huh? This message was approved by Tom Corbett. Tom Corbett for Governor."

There is, however, one minor problem with the ads. Dan Onorato, who hails from the North Side of Pittsburgh, has no brother named Colin. The Corbett campaign fabricated Colin and his bid for Colorado governor in 2006.

"I don't have a brother named Colin, simple as that," protested Onorato from his home in Brighton Heights in Allegheny County, smiling at the throng of reporters. "This is a completely made up story. Even if I did have a brother Colin, who ran for governor of Colorado, he would have probably used the slogan: Colin Onorato, making the Centennial State better for all. If I know my fake brother like I think I do, he wouldn't have been so ignorant as to use Colin Onorato for Colorado."

Some residents were stunned by the ads, unaware the brother was a creation of the Corbett campaign. "Yes, it's a terrible and difficult tongue-twister, but does Corbett really need to go digging that up? I mean, it's seems desperate," said Kelly Ruggerio of Altoona. "I'm sure Colin wants to put that behind him."

"You can't penalize someone for their name and how they use it in a slogan," said Hazleton resident Kevin Clonovich. "I like Tom, but that just wasn't right."

Others were thankful of the warning. "I had made my mind up a long time ago," said John Hamilton, in town for a business trip from Erie, PA. "I was going with Onorato. Now, there's no way I can vote for him. Maybe if his brother ran for office in, oh, I don't know ... Tennessee."

When told Onorato had no brother named Colin, Hamilton responded, "Yeah, but still. I can't vote for someone whose brother confused the tongues of millions of people from Colorado."

"I once heard Colin do a speech in Uniontown, PA," said Cliff Dunegan, a registered Republican of the same town. "He had a lot of attitude or something. I can't vote for the brother of that guy. No way!"

Corbett declined to be interviewed for this article. His assistant campaign manager, however, was asked about the strategy of completely making up a relative in order to bring down an opponent: "There's no proof that Colin Onorato, or his Colorado gubernatorial campaign, doesn't exist. I don't know if I can explain that any better."

Onorato plans to air a response ad that informs Pennsylvanians that he has no brother Colin. In addition, the Onorato team plans to air an ad that calls out Tom Corbett's "brother" Corey. Apparently, Corey Corbett ran for mayor of Coral Gables in the recent past.

Belgian beer war heats up as Police rule last month's bus crash 'no accident'

Philadelphia, PA--Philadelphia Police have determined that the SEPTA bus crash that took place back on August 10 was not an accident and is apparently an escalation of the "friendly" Belgian beer war that has been ongoing for several years in Center City.

On that night, a passenger-less transit bus, avoiding a parked PATCO vehicle, swerved and jumped the curb, crashing into the side of Monk's Belgian Beer Cafe at 16th and Spruce Streets, one of the city's most popular restaurant/bars. At the time, it was perfectly clear to witnesses and those directly involved that this was simply an accident.

Police, who had all but closed the investigation, however, became suspicious after an anonymous note, dropped at Police headquarters sometime in the past three days, mentioned Tad's Tavern of Belgian Beers, located at 27th and Lombard Streets.

The note read: "Septa bus crash: You didn't hear this from me, but talk to Tad down at Tad's Tavern of Belgian Beers. Tad will break if you threaten his beer bottle collection. Yeah, mention how you like to smash priceless Belgian beer bottles. (wink, wink) Tad'll get real uncomfortable if you mention the bottles."

"Tad's is a Belgian bar and Monks is a Belgian bar," said Detective Gregory Finn. "We didn't see the connection at first, then, after doing some late night under cover work at each establishment, the connection was crystal clear. That, and the anonymous tip. The Belgian beer war just got turned up a notch as these bars are flexing their ... mussels."

The city offers the best selection of Belgian beers in the nation and the bars that make this possible, admittedly, have fun with the competition and camaraderie that comes along with it.

"Philly has the best Belgian beer scene in the country and there is definitely competition between all the bars to be the best," said Daniel Van Glun, manager of The Philly Belgian, a bar on Schuylkill Ave and Webster St. "Sure, we play jokes on each other, like placing waffles in random corners of a rival bar. Or discreetly hanging pictures of Jean Claude Van Damme karate-kinking a piece of chocolate, but ... well, crashing buses is serious stuff."

Tad's Tavern had recently been ranked dead last among the city's Belgian watering holes. It is believed that Tad's Tavern of Belgian Beers paid off the bus driver to "take Monk's out of the picture for a few months." The bar, however, only closed for four days while repairs were made to the front and the building was determined to be structurally sound. Police would not confirm or deny that Tad had similar plans for the other Belgian bars in the elite fraternity.

The driver of the bus reportedly broke under the interrogation of police and confirmed that, indeed, Tad had been responsible for planning the "accident."

"Apparently, Tad had been really pestering this poor guy to do his dirty work," said Lt Frank Greeley about the driver. "Tad is a real piece of work."

Those affiliated with Monk's were in shock after Police broke the news yesterday.

"I couldn't believe that Tad was responsible. Am I going to retaliate against Tad? Well, honestly, I don't condone this kind of violence," said Monk's owner Harry Kilmer. "But, if SEPTA regional rail trains could travel on streets ..."

"Tad is going away for a long, long time," said Monk's bartender Kevin Tyler, "But now I'll have to talk more about the bus crash for a long, long time. I love our customers, but I'm growing so tired of talking about that crash. Thanks Tad."

"Tad just never got it. Whenever Tad and I would hang out and have a couple beers, he would always talk about the week that he spent in Bruges [Belgium] back in '97," said hostess Kimberly Borden. "He would always say that he 'lived' in Belgium for a week. Tad's a good guy, but he just didn't get it."

John Triplehorn, Tad's lawyer, issued this statement: "My client, Tad of Tad's Tavern of Belgian Beers, did, in fact, live in Belgium during the week of July 9-16, 1997."

Reid says choosing between Kolb and Vick was like choosing between an Arby's #1 or #2 ... or a #8 or #3 ... or a #4 or #6 ... or a #5 or #1

Philadelphia, PA--Eagles' head coach Andy Reid is feeling the pressure. One day after reversing his decision to start Kevin Kolb at quarterback--some say the owner was highly involved--and go with the sizzling Michael Vick, Reid said he wavered back and forth for hours before making his choice. "It really is like going to one of my favorite restaurants and seeing that big, illuminated menu with all those value meals," said Reid, referring to a suburban Philadelphia fast food chain that he frequents. "Do I get four #7's or three #4's? I get the #7 a lot, I know what it offers. I don't know all that much about the #4 because I don't order it too much. I mean, I've taken small bites, if you can believe that, but never consistently ordered it. It's not easy. This has been the toughest couple of days during my time in Philly." So tough, in fact, that Reid was later spotted behind the counter of an Ardmore, PA Dairy Queen, in full game regalia, including headset, yelling instructions at a new employee, after three of his ice cream cones were poured counterclockwise. The manager of the Dairy Queen later told NBC10, "He hopped over the counter, with the help of three customers, and, basically, showed the workers how to pour a 'proper' cone. Interestingly, cones do taste better when poured clockwise. Who knew?"

Halladay wins number 20, says if season ended today 'it would be weird because we've only played 152 games'

Above: Roy Halladay, Phillies' right-handed ace pitcher, says his mission in Philadelphia is complete after winning his 20th game of the season. "Ruben [Amaro] told me that if I came here and won 20 games, something I haven't done since 2008, then my job would be done," said Halladay about the Phillies second-year general manager. "It's time to move on. I've loved my stay here in Philly, but there really is nothing left for me to do here." Halladay is seeking a trade before the end of this season. Halladay added: "I wish the team luck in the upcoming postseason. If only I'd won 14 games and saved six wins for the playoffs. That was my bad. Totally my bad."

Seattle in chaos after capturing WNBA title; nation's coffee supply could be interrupted

Above: The Seattle Storm celebrate a sweep over the Atlanta Dream in the WNBA finals in Atlanta's Phillips Arena yesterday. Below: Championship celebrations get out of control in downtown Seattle as police are called to the scene. The turmoil in the Pacific Northwest, experts say, will undoubtedly disrupt the country's coffee supply. The Storm has aired several public service announcements pleading with fans to celebrate responsibly. In one announcement, WNBA Final's mvp Lauren Jackson warns, "If you guys don't knock it off, they're going to move the championship parade to Tacoma. C'mon everyone, let's party with class."

Sun Life Stadium's ushers caught showing imaginary Marlins' fans to seats in preparation for Dolphins' games

Above: A nearly-empty Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, FL during a recent Marlins baseball game. During Marlins' home games, the Miami metropolitan area, the 7th largest in the country, drops to the 8th most populous metro area. Stadium officials have been known in the past to use August and early September baseball games to prepare new, inexperienced ushers for the much better attended Miami Dolphins' home games, who share the facility. "We like to get the ushers some practice, and since there really are no Marlins fans, they have to just pretend there are people at the games," said Mark Taglioni, a Sun Life Stadium senior usher manager. "Unfortunately, tv cameras have caught our new ushers going through the motions of checking tickets that aren't there and directing thin air to their seats. It may look very strange on television, but it gets us ready for football season."

Bednarik's fondest memory from 1960 season: Eagles' QB Norm Van Brocklin pretending to use telegraph on Packers' sideline

The 1960 NFL Champion Philadelphia Eagles were honored on Sunday during the team's opening game of the 2010 season at Lincoln Financial Field. Between 18 and 20 members of the last Eagles' championship team were wined and dined all weekend before gathering at midfield before kickoff for a loud and sustained greeting from the wet 68,000 fans.

The current squad of Eagles donned the kelly-green uniforms in honor of the pre-Super Bowl league champions from fifty years ago. The kelly-green was a welcomed sight for the Delaware Valley, even for a brief, one-game appearance.

When asked to comment on the throwback uniforms, Chuck Bednarik, 85, the Pro Bowl linebacker and center for the Birds from 1949 to 1962 said, "I once dated a girl named Kelly Green. She was a nice gal from Allentown. Great smile. She worked at Bethlehem Steel making boiler plates."

On Saturday night, the seasoned alumni gathered in South Philadelphia for a welcome back dinner. The old-timers shared hugs, swapped stories, laughed, cringed, got teary-eyed, drew plays on cocktail napkins, bit the top of of beer bottles and tossed a Nerf football around the decked out banquette hall. The throwbacks reflected on their favorite memories of the dream season that was 1960.

Tommy McDonald, the Pro Bowl wide receiver, remembered when Koy Detmer performed "The Whip" dance after throwing a long touchdown pass versus Green Bay and then stared at the Packer sideline in Franklin Field. McDonanld's teammate Pete Retzlaff recalled, "Bill Bergy's tackle on Jim Taylor as time ran out in the championship game is my fondest memory. Although, I may be thinking of the wrong game." Maxie Baughan, a rookie linebacker on the team, described Seth Joyner's famous hit on the Giants' Frank Gifford in Yankee Stadium.

Bednarik, the hard-hitting linebacker, who was often was compared to concrete, also shared a couple of his favorite memories from that season.

"Our great QB Norm Van Brocklin made a nice run in the 3rd quarter of the [1960] title game and was shoved out of bounds around the 40-yard line and ended up near the Packers' bench where all the telegraphs were set up to communicate with the booth upstairs," explained Concrete Charlie. "Norm pretended to use the telegraph before coming back onto the field. He must have tapped that thing 30 or 40 times. It was priceless. Classic Norm Van Brocklin as I recall."

"It was just very out of character for Norm to do that," said the Hall of Famer McDonald. "But, that being said, it was hilarious. Vince was not too thrilled, though."

That Vince, would be the infamous Vince Lombardi, coach of the Packers. It was the iconic team leader's only playoff defeat.

The Van Brocklin stunt was very similar to a more recent incident in the Meadowlands. During a playoff game in 2008 against the Giants Donovan McNabb, after a big run, pretended to use the sideline phone near the Giants' bench (pictured below). The former Eagle quarterback would later admit that he was imitating Van Brocklin's mock telegraphing from 1960.

"My other greatest memory from that 1960 season was Koy Detmer's "The Whip" dance, which was also against the Packers," recalled Bednarik, seconding Detmer's bizarre dance celebration. "That Detmer was an interesting fella."

Millions suffering from PTVD: Post-Traumatic Vuvuzela Disorder

Above: Bob Miller, who suffers from PTVD, attempts to prepare for an important work meeting while horns blare.

Wilmington, DE--From June 11 to July 11 this year, the globe's nearly 7 billion people were treated to the best soccer on the planet at the World Cup in South Africa. The frenzied nationalism that accompanies the tournament heightens the experience and enthusiasm of fanatics around the world. Enthusiasm, more often than not this year, shown with a horn.

Bob Miller hasn't had a solid night's sleep since June 10, 2010. This was the insurance salesman's last night in the U.S. before leaving on a 1:30 PM flight to Cape Town, South Africa from BWI Airport the following day. Admittedly not a huge soccer fan, Miller was joining a group of college buddies for a ten day excursion/reunion to see the world's game up close, to experience, first hand, the sights, smells, tastes and sounds of the game. Miller, and millions of others, were not adequately prepared for the sounds part.

"I had heard of the vuvuzela before going, but, honestly, I didn't realize it was a South African tradition," said the Delaware resident about the long, plastic horn that hails from the southern tip of the continent. "Nor did I have any clue about its volume, both in sound and in numbers."

Miller went on to describe the noise as "deafening" but said it was part of the game there and fans were not so concerned of the long-term effects.

"When you're there at the games, sure, the horns are loud and bothersome, but it's not as noticeable because you're caught up in the excitement in each city and each stadium."

But, since returning home from visits to South Africa, or simply finding other programming to watch on the television since the tournament ended, the horns have not stopped: for millions worldwide.

"It's been almost two months, but I hear the vuvuzela every minute of every day," said Greg Baker of Leadville, CO, who traveled to South Africa to catch several games in person. "I haven't seen a vuvuzela or heard one since the tournament concluded, and yet, I hear it all the time."

"He's been extremely irritable, always telling the kids to stop blowing those f__ing horns. He's become very fond of yelling the insult, 'I'll show you where to cram that vuvuzela' to anyone," said Baker's wife Sally, "even to our minister."

"Not only do I hear horns, which I can sort of understand, but I see the fans resting on my shoulders and playing them," said Miller. "That part I don't understand."

The condition of persistent ringing in the ears is commonly known as tinnitus, but the constant sound of a popular South African horn--and the hallucination of miniature fans playing them--is new to the medical world. Doctors are at a complete loss when it comes to properly treating the strange disorder.

"I just tell patients with PTVD to drink more water and take a couple aspirin," said Dr Chelsea Ross of Wilmington General Hospital. "But, honestly, that's a remedy I just made up one day. I really don't know how to combat PTVD or what its causes are."

Kathy Kim, 31, is a yoga instructor in Providence, RI, and, generally, not a sports fan by any definition. How then does Kim, who relates watching soccer to jamming rusty metal shims under her fingernails, suffer from PTVD?

"I was asked to go to a party this summer, which turned out to be a cookout for the USA-Ghana game--had I known I would have refused the invite--and I literally saw 30 seconds of the match. The horns have not stopped playing in my head since then. It's so loud that I'm worried the sound is upsetting my students' practice."

Samuel Trumbauer, 28, is a violinist for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, he is a self-proclaimed soccer nut that was, unfortunately, unable to make the long trek to South Africa during the Windy City's break from the cold. The first-seat musician in his group, a ranking that requires endless practice hours to secure, however, was able to watch all 64 matches of the World Cup on ESPN and ABC.

"There's a price for watching every minute of every game. I can't play violin right now. I've had to take time away from the orchestra," said a trembling Trumbauer. "I see these guys playing the vuvuzela on my shoulder all the time. At first, I got really into trying to play in harmony with the [vuvuzela] guys. Then, I began trying to play along with them ... during my symphony concerts. Not good."

Estimated medical costs for those suffering are expected to surpass $700 million by the end of the year. The South African government has pledged $10 million to help with this staggering price tag.

"We really don't feel that we are responsible for any of this," shouted Clinton Van Dorn, a government official rumored to be suffering from PTVD himself, but repeatedly denies the reports. "However, we would like for fans to remember South Africa fondly."

Picture perfect afternoon at PPL Park ruined by lack of armrests

Chester, PA--It was one of those weather days that you wish would make itself comfortable and stick around for awhile: high seventies, low humidity, the occasional cloud and a cooling breeze. Frank Monroe had been looking forward to his first-ever visit to PPL Park, the Delaware Valley's newest sports facility and home to Major League Soccer's Philadelphia Union. He couldn't have picked a better day than Saturday.

Monroe, 47, is a casual Union fan (he couldn't accurately report the team's record or top scorer) but had heard so many great things about the sporting experience on the banks of the Delaware River that he had to witness it firsthand. From the endless energy of the Sons of Ben supporters to a hard working soccer team to the views of the meandering, adjacent river and the imposing Commodore Barry Bridge it is easy to see the draw of this shiny European football palace.

After gliding through the packed concourse and turning up through the tunnel to the seating area, however, something was off. Something, Monroe felt, was not quite right.

"I hurried inside the stadium all excited, got my draught beer of choice--Victory Prima Pilsner--had the usher point me in the right direction, climbed the numerous steps, sat down, placed my cup of liquid heaven in the holder and rested my arms on the ... there was nothing there," said a frustrated Monroe. "I mean, literally, there were no armrests. It wasn't just my seat. It was every single one."

That's right, PPL Park (named for the Allentown based Pennsylvania Power and Light utility company) was designed without armrests between the seats. A cost-cutting measure that has, until Saturday, gone mostly unnoticed.

"What am I suppose to do with my arms? No, really, that's not a rhetorical question. What am I suppose to do with my arms?Am I suppose to fold my arms or set them on my lap or let them hang awkwardly? No self-respecting jetliner director does that."

The Crum Lynne, PA native and Philadelphia International Airport grounds crew plane director claims that armrests are critical in providing "much needed rest for arms."

"My arms are my livelihood. I'm the guy on the tarmac with the illuminated vest and souped-up glow sticks that directs the planes into and out of the gates. My arms are always moving and pointing and waving. They need to be rested on my days off. It's critical."

Monroe claims that more than 60% of the rest his arms receive come from using armrests on home chairs or, in some cases, stadium seats.

"I've been to about 20 Phillies games this year and, guess what?" said the father of four. "My arms were well-rested during all of those three-hour games. Why? Because they have armrests at Citizens Bank Park. C'mon, we're not animals."

Monroe also admitted that on Saturday he kept leaning right, left and forward without his usual arm support, a local university confirmed this tendency.

The University of Pennsylvania recently completed a study on armrest-less stadium seating as it relates to posture during games. Though primarily focused on the bleacher seating at Penn State University's Beaver Stadium, PPL Park was also briefly analyzed, unbeknownst to the Union.

"Because there are no armrests at PPL, the average Union fan slouches anywhere from seven to fifteen degrees forwards or sidewards in their seats, compared to two to five degrees for a Phillies or Eagles fan," said Dr Ted Greenboundberg, the back specialist at the UPenn Medical Center directing the study.

Other fans attending the Union's games in the new stadium seemed unfazed and unconcerned with the missing seat features.

"I stand the whole time buddy, so ... I really don't even know what you're talking about," said Gary Yoneski, 23, of Media, a dedicated Sons of Ben member pausing from the Click It or Ticket chant echoing from the River End seating section. "Although, the cup holders could be higher. Yeah, that would be cool."

One positive that Monroe took from the seating situation at PPL Park was the elimination of the armrest face-off. This is the friendly battle with the person or persons seated beside you for the right to use the armrest. Although Monroe claimed to be undefeated in these face-offs, including both movie theaters and stadiums, he felt they exhausted his arm's energy reserves.

And the game? The Union tied the Kansas City Wizards, 1-1, but Monroe was preoccupied.

Jar placed back on bear's head for appearance on Today Show

Above: The Today Show cast welcomes the Florida "jar bear" to the show following a lighthearted Snuggie segment.

Apalachicola National Forest, FL--In early August, a hiker was blazing the trails of this sprawling wooded landscape set in the northwestern portion of the Sunshine State. Hank Blaylock, 41, hiking sticks in hand, was not at all prepared for what he encountered on this early morning adventure.

"I rounded a bend in the trail and right there before me was a small bear ... with a jar stuck on its head," said the Pensacola high school chemistry teacher. "I mean, I'm terrified of bears but I couldn't help from laughing. I felt bad. I'm mean, it looked ridiculous with that jar on its head. But, I knew it was in serious danger and I contacted park officials as soon as I could."

This story of a Florida bear with a jar stuck on its head became national news several weeks ago as it struck a chord with America's collective heart. The mammal was even given lovable nicknames by news outlets all over the country: JarJarStinks (a bad breath reference, perhaps?), Bear With Jar on Head, Bear With #2 Plastic Jar on Head, NASA Bear, The Recycling Bear, Jarhead, The Radical Dieting Bear and Kareem Abdul JarBear.

The jar prevented the bear from both eating and drinking and it was estimated and feared by experts, had the animal not been freed of its constraining container, that death was surely imminent, possibly within hours.

These same animal experts believed the bear was rummaging through a nearby campground garbage dump when the container, most likely holding an unconscionable amount peanut butter (it was eventually traced to CostCo), became lodged as the animal investigated the sweet smell wafting from the inner walls.

The response from the public, after the bear was caught and the jar removed, was overwhelming. So popular was the story that the morning national news show Today went to great lengths to host the ferocious, wild animal.

"The story seemed to grab America's attention when it hit a couple weeks ago and because of scheduling we weren't able to have the bear on before the jar was removed. So Today paid all of the fees to track the bear, tranquilize it and the brother and mother, place the jar back on its head--only for the five minute segment--and send it to New York. It's a real feel good story," said Today producer Jim Haldeman. "America wanted to know what the bear was up to."

The show's resident weatherman Al Roker got a big kick out of the bear, teasing the animal by rubbing a slab of red meat on the outside of the jar, which appeared to only slightly frustrate the carnivore. The animal, not used to humans and as a safety measure, was heavily sedated before clumsily walking onto the New York set accompanied by a forest ranger.

Several cast members of the show jokingly told Roker to stop before joining in themselves with donuts and a half-eaten Snickers bar, much to the chagrin of the ranger. Matt Lauer and Natalie Morales debated whether the jar looked more like a pretzel container or the officially reported peanut butter jar. Today's online poll revealed 87% of respondents (32,978) felt it was a pretzel container.

"I thought the whole appearance on the show was kind of strange," said 10-year Florida forest ranger Don Hager, the bear's guardian for the trip. "Something just didn't seem right about bringing a wild bear out of its natural habitat. I was, however, very generously compensated, and, to be completely honest, I also thought that the jar was one of those big pretzel containers."

US Open officials disappointed as player promised narcolepsy was 'completely under control'

Opponents of new Manhattan skyscraper say it will confuse giant apes

New York, NY--A proposed new skyscraper in Midtown Manhattan (center of picture) will be only 34 feet shorter than the Empire State Building (left) when completed. Many, including the owners of the iconic structure that has defined Midtown's skyline since 1931, are upset about the new building's close proximity. The frustration stems from confusing one of the city's largest and most dangerous visitors. "Let's just say that a large ape returns to the city one day," said Frank Dunmiller, managing director of the ESB. "This ape knows the Empire State Building from instinct. Therefore, placing another skyscraper of such stature close by will only confuse the beast. Do we really want a confused, giant ape running through the streets of New York? Or do we want a slightly less confused ape? I'll take the slightly less confused one." A vote last week approved the structure, and, some say, the fate of the city. "We're all doomed now! Doomed I tell you," shouted Mayor Michael Bloomberg at a press conference soon after the vote was announced. "You all just wait and see what happens the next time an enormous ape comes and terrorizes the city. We're going to have to dip seriously into my fund now." Bloomberg was referring to the King Kong Defense Fund, a monetary reserve, started last year, to assist in protection from and cleanup after gigantic ape visits to Manhattan.

Umpires permit Oswalt to bring rosin bag, pitching rubber into outfield to ease anxiety

Philadelphia, PA--Sixteen innings of baseball, over five hours of play, will empty seats, not only in the stadium but in the dugout as well. On Tuesday night, the Phillies and the Astros worked overtime to decide a game that was tied in the bottom of the ninth when Jimmy Rollins sent a solo shot into the right field seats.

That much time on the field will not only test stamina--although, it is baseball--but nerves and patience as well. The composure of all on the field are put to the test, including, like, oh, I don't know, the third base umpire Scott Barry.

Part of the reason the Phils bench was so empty, never mind the 16-inning marathon, was that Barry had thrown first baseman Ryan Howard out of the game in the 14th inning after the slugger questioned a checked swing called strike and then appeared to show up the umpire with body language. Actually, the tension between the two went back to earlier in the at bat, but, nonetheless, Howard's departure meant, other than pitchers, there was no one left to play the field.

Enter Roy Oswalt, the team's number two starting pitcher, recently acquired from ... Houston. Oswalt, who admitted later that he was terrified to play outfield, received a warm ovation from the remaining late night crowd. His anxiety was eased somewhat when an old, familiar, reliable friend (a friend to all pitchers) accompanied the pitcher to the land beyond the infield.

"I wasn't going out there without a rosin bag, and I told Charlie [Manuel] that," said Oswalt, who successfully fielded a fly ball bringing the fans to a roar and a smile to the Mississippi native. "At one point, I turned back, gave a wink to the rosin bag and said, 'Hey, rosin! You got to back me up if a ball gets past me. Ha, ha. You crack me up rosin bag.'"

The rosin bag is usually placed on the backside of the mound and used when pitchers feel they need a better grip on the ball to improve their control. To ease Oswalt even more, the grounds crew, between innings and before the pitcher took the field, quickly installed a pitching rubber that was flush with the grass turf.

"My comfort out there is really a credit to the grounds crew, and, even though they had a tough night, the umpires too for allowing me to take a rosin bag and a pitching rubber with me. It made me feel like I was on the mound. Yeah, it was like a mound out there, but just really, really far from home plate ... and not as hilly."

After catching the fly ball, Oswalt ran the handful of steps back to the grass-surrounded rubber, went through a stretch windup and threw the ball to the cutoff man. Wow, only in baseball!

Japanese economy claims Chinese economy unfairly passed them on double-yellow line road

Tokyo, Japan--Last week, it was reported that China's burgeoning economy had risen to number two in the world, finally surpassing the once roaring Japanese economy, the longtime holder of that penultimate position.

The archipelago nation, however, with 127 million people (and holding steady), 9 percent of the population of China, and nearly 25 times smaller in land area, is crying foul.

"It's not right," said Somi Takashumi, Japan's Minister of the Economy, during a rare display of emotion at a press conference on Monday. "China's economy has to play by the same rules that we all have to play by."

Takashumi, long critical and skeptical of fast growing economies with endless sources of cheap labor, especially in the region, claims to have learned of his country's fall to the third spot, listening, ironically, to TKO Radio, while driving to his downtown office complex on a winding, solid double-yellow line road just outside of Tokyo.

"The road was clearly marked with a double-yellow line, which indicates no passing. They use double-yellow lines for a reason, all over the world. It's not safe to pass other countries, er, vehicles because of a hill, curve or other view limiting conditions. It's not fair," complained Takashumi.

Seeing his country drop from the second spot could not have been easy for the Minister in his second, and, most likely, final ten-year term. The 84-year-old from Okinawa, who served as a pilot during World War II, studied economics at Hokkaido College and eventually earned a doctorate at Shikoku University, was instrumental in Japan's rise from the ashes to a prosperous technology-based economy.

"We make Honda, Toyota, Nissan, Kawasaki, Mazda, Isuzu, Mitsubishi, Lexus, Scion, Infiniti and Acura," said a sour Minister, scrambling to make his point. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is that the line was double-yellow. Does that not mean anything in today's society? It means no passing and it means this should be looked into."

The World Bank and the International Monetary Fund, neither holding the power to influence the world's economy size rankings, said they would investigate Japan's claim of driving in a no passing zone while learning of China's expanded economy.

"We don't usually do this kind of stuff, but we'll look into it. If, in fact, Minister Takashumi was driving on a road that was clearly marked with double-yellow lines, then we will shift the Chinese economy back to the third spot and return Japan to second. But, again, this is really not our thing," said Guy LaFontaine, a World Bank official.

Nation closes eyes, smiles and imagines Brett Favre's plane landing in Minnesota

Captain said he warned all 16 crew members not to gather on same side of ship at same time

Mumbai, India--The Taiwanese cargo ship Alba Varda carrying hundreds of containers from India to Long Beach, CA, began listing heavily to the left soon after all sixteen crew members aboard congregated for a cigarette break on the deck's port side. The crew attempted to run to the center, but by this time it was too late. Containers began breaking free from moorings, sliding across the rain-soaked deck and crashing overboard into the harbor. "I told each crew member individually, and made several announcements over the loud speaker, that coming together as a group on either side of the ship simultaneously would cause the ship to tip over," explained Captain Sven Alfredson, a 20-year veteran. "I even demonstrated my point in a canoe." The shipping company is blaming language barriers for the sinking of the vessel, as crews are often made up of numerous nationalities with varying levels of English. "There's no way anything was lost in translation," shouted the Captain. "I increasingly raised the volume of my voice so they would understand me. It's what I always do. Anyway, we had just left the docks and they aren't supposed to be taking breaks that soon into a two-ocean journey,"

City drivers removing wipers to stump Parking Authority, avoid tickets

Philadelphia, PA--Superman, as powerful as he was, was no match against kryptonite, the green-glowing rock that sapped his super strength when in his presence. Many in this city have wished there was a green-glowing rock that could melt away the powers of the PPA--The Philadelphia Parking Authority. They can stop wishing.

Have you received a parking ticket after your meter expired only minutes before? Did you leave your car for literally 20 seconds while dropping a letter into a curbside mailbox in the shadows of your vehicle, only to return to a signature blue and white PPA parking ticket staring at you? What? How did that get there and where did the parking enforcement officer go? Or perhaps, you've been egregiously illegally parking for years.

City drivers are fighting back by removing the windshield wipers from their automobiles to prevent Parking Authority workers from leaving paper violations. It is not clear where this idea began in the city, some say Pennsport and others say Fairmount, but the movement has been spreading fast and is common now in all neighborhoods.

"I don't know what to do because many cars that are parked illegally have no place to put tickets, so I can't really do anything," said PPA parking enforcement officer Jessica Miles. "I mean, just set it on the hood? That won't work."

"There's not much we can do," said Douglas Glass, a PPA official. "Article 10.1.4.17.223 of the PPA Ticket Issuing Manual reads that every ticket written or printed must be placed under the driver or passenger side windshield wiper. The manual specifically states, in the extremely rare instance when there are no wipers, to simply tear the ticket up and move on."

The PPA is losing massive amounts of revenue because of this new practice. Without wipers, parking tickets simply blow away, a waste of paper and valuable time. The Authority debated rewriting the procedures code to include windows and antennas as acceptable places to leave a ticket.

At first, the PPA attempted to give tickets for not having wipers, then quickly realized the problem with that plan.

"The public has finally found a loophole which may mean free parking for ever," said PPA President Tom Adams. "Well done public ... well done. But don't think you've won. After all, we are the Parking Authority. There may be a fat lady and she may be warming up by humming and doing other voice exercises, but she ain't singin' yet."

Klint Meesly of the Francisville neighborhood said, "I like free parking ... alot. But I'm not sure if it's worth it. I've had some horrible experiences recently when driving in the rain. Like, really horrible."

Dugout gets big laugh as Manuel tells injured Ross Gload to 'take a Gload off'

Philadelphia, PA--The Phillies suffered yet another injury last night as first baseman Ross Gload, filling in for the injured Ryan Howard, strained a groin while running to second on a sixth-inning double. Despite what feels like a record number of Phillies on the Disabled List (DL) this season, the team finds itself only 2.5 games out of first place, a credit to manager Charlie Manuel. His ability to keep the players relaxed, while facing adversity, was again evident last night. As the limping Gload approached the top of the dugout steps, with the help of a trainer, Manuel shouted: Hey Ross, sit down and take a Gload off. "I wanted to keep the dugout in good spirits, and, believe it or not, I thought of that line several weeks ago on a flight from Chicago to St Louis," said the Phillies' manager, now in his sixth year with the club. "Obviously, I didn't want Ross to ever get hurt, but, deep down, I couldn't wait to use that line. We all had a good laugh ... even Ross." Players and coaches promised to use the line on the next guy to get hurt.

Ready, Willing and ... Cable? Homeless working for hundreds of tv channels

Philadelphia, PA--The organization Ready, Willing and Able, "a work and job skills training program which helps homeless individuals in their efforts to become self-sufficient, contributing members of society," has made a significant change in their mission in order to attract more individuals into the program.

As an incentive, the program began offering members cable television in lieu of low wages as a form of payment for work performed. The organization officially changed its name in early March of this year to Ready, Willing and Cable.

"The numbers have skyrocketed," said New York admissions director, Frank Telford, about the sharp rise in enrollment since the announced name and policy change. "We unfortunately have been turning many away, but there is hope of new funding that would allow us to expand our workforce."

Ready, Willing and Cable agrees to provide vouchers for free cable television, good for organization-affiliated or non-affiliated worker' residences. The cable packages given are the top plans offered, which include On Demand, DVR-ready boxes and all the premium channels.

"I wouldn't step near Ready, Willing and Able before," said Francis Vernon, 46, a recent enrollee, "but I ran to Ready, Willing and Cable. I immediately signed on. I can't miss Mad Men, even though I've never seen it."

"I get more channels now then I ever did," said Jack Amteri, another member of the program, taking a break from sweeping to pull a batteryless remote control from his jacket pocket. "I may not eat as much now as I did before, but I can now watch a volleyball match between two upper Midwest liberal arts colleges."

"On Demand is a glorious, glorious thing," said Steven H., a coworker of Amteri's. "Have you seen The Pursuit of Happiness? Where was this movie 20 years ago?"

The nonprofit, part of the Doe Fund, Inc, with facilities in New York City and Philadelphia, reached an agreement with cable giant Comcast in February to provide free cable to all enrolled.

"Part of the Comcast mission is to serve the community, you know, give back," said Gail Silvers, the company's community relations director. "The only thing we wanted in return was for the program's participants to prosper, and, this seems only fair, to wear uniforms displaying the Comcast logo along with a picture of the new On Demand screen."

Several weeks into the new compensation format, however, a somewhat significant problem was uncovered: three of every five workers did not own a television.

"I worked my butt off for two weeks, received my cable vouchers, called the cable company for installation, sat down on the living room crates and ... there was no TV," said Neil Travers, 39, a graduate of the program three years ago who was lured back by the thought of 557 channels. "The cable guy was going to be at my place any min ... er, day. He did say no later than a week or three."

The organization's board said the lack of televisions problem never surfaced in the countless, laborious meetings leading up to the payment decision. "I don't know ... it never came up," said one board member. "It just never came up."

New Jersey hermit crab population on the rise, beach souvenir shops in heaven

Sea Isle City, NJ--Timmy Hubert, 6, ran down aisle 4 of the Hoy's Five and Ten shop, a miniature, throwback department store, sporting flip flops and a light sunburn. Grinning from ear to ear, he came to rest at the countless cages of hermit crabs strategically placed at the store's center.

"I love these guys," said the youngster, not taking his eyes off the cages. "No T-shirts or saltwater taffy for me. I want a hermit crab. Look at them all."

Crabs in all shapes and sizes listlessly crawled across the bottom or clung, putting on a show perhaps, to the cage's wire enclosure. Last year, Hubert, at this same store, had only one cage to choose from.

Where have all the hermit crabs come from? Imported from the hermit crab belt in Southeast Asia? Though that was seriously considered at one point, the surge in numbers begins right here off the Garden State's shores.

"It's been a great year for us," said Sally Bossel, manager of the town's Hoy's Five and Ten. "We've been selling hermit crabs like crazy. We haven't been able to offer a selection like this in years. The population is booming and we still can't meet the demand."

Scientists are not exactly certain why hermit crab numbers have exploded this year. Some have linked it to the heavy winter snow, while others say high levels of raw sewage in the Atlantic Ocean caused by heavy runoff from strong spring and summer thunderstorms is the reason.


Jim Taylor and his son Harry have been in the hermit crabbing business together for almost twenty years. They use their boat, Hermit the Frog, to catch the small, shell-dwelling crustaceans in the waters off New Jersey.

"We've never had catches like this," said the younger Taylor, unloading two enormous nets from the 57 ft vessel with a dock crane near Townsends Inlet. "We are supplying tourist souvenir shops up and down the coasts of Jersey, Maryland and Delaware. We've even had requests from shops on Long Island."

There is, however, a tradeoff. With larger catches comes more casualties for crew members of the 1,023 hermit crabbing fleets of New Jersey. The state's crabbing commission reports 48 crew members have been killed and 17 maimed by hermit crabs this season, which is more than the last two years combined.

"It's not easy. We have a tough job, but someone has to supply vacationing children with pets that will soon be forgotten after returning home," said an 8-fingered Fergus O'Malley, a hermit crabber out of Strathmere, NJ. "Parents often learn the hard way that you can't flush a hermit crab down the toilet when boredom sets in."

This sudden increase in hermit crab activity off the coast has prompted the Discovery Channel to consider adding one of the state's ships to the "cast" of Deadliest Catch.

Scientists are also at a loss when it comes to explaining why such a dangerous creature in the sea, killing thousands of crabsmen annually around the world, become such docile, lovable creatures once caged and given a "home" on dry land.

"That's something we still have not yet figured out," said Hanover Schmidt, a hermit crab expert in Halifax, Nova Scotia. "We've conducted surveys, questionnaires ... everything. There is something that triggers this ferocious creature into a friendly, adorable pet. Unfortunately, our grant money may run out before we find the answer."

PBS to finally release hilarious outtakes from Ken Burns' Baseball documentary

New York, NY--Director Ken Burns has finally agreed to release the hilarious outtakes from his hit 1994 documentary series Baseball. The nearly 20-hour film, covering the history of America's pastime, included plenty of antics on and off the set that will be made into a blooper reel and shown on PBS in the fall. When asked why, 16 years after the movie's debut, the outtakes were being made public, Burns responded, "Every time some of Baseball's crew got together to talk old times, we would watch the blooper reel. And we were all like, wouldn't comedy fans everywhere love this?" One blunder shows Babe Ruth wearing Nike spikes and holding an aluminum bat while the narrator describes how the legend made it out of roof rain gutters from his boyhood Baltimore orphanage. One fan of the series was elated by the news. "I can just tell that there are going to be some classic Ken Burns bloopers. Just like the blooper extras from The National Parks: Americas Best Idea DVD," said Steven Bullard, 48, a Burlington, VT resident and an extra in The Civil War. "Nobody does bloopers like Ken."

Lingering Winter: As temperatures flirt with triple digits, when does the right to shoveled parking spaces end?

Above: An August 1, 2010, photo of a city resident using patio chairs to save a parking space that was shoveled out during last winter's deluge of snow.

Philadelphia, PA--It is August in South of South, a neighborhood in southwest Center City, and traffic on the local streets is light as many have made their way to barbecues on sidewalks, front steps, back decks, brick patios, or brick decks (a craze in the late 1890s).

The few cars, however, that can be found on the roadways are circling the tight blocks. The occupants may be running late for one of the gatherings that are producing the many familiar smells of summer: grilled hot dogs, hamburgers, steak, freshly made m&m's, or soy chicken patties. Some of these motorists may even be carrying the final ingredient to a dish, partygoers waiting patiently, or, even more importantly, may be transporting the main dish itself.

The cars continue to circle, like vultures waiting to dive, in search of a parking spot to rest the moving metal mass propelled by the combustion engine. On one block are three empty spaces, well, sort of, but not really. Parked in these spots are six kitchen and patio chairs--two in each space. The chairs are a claim to the roughly 8 ft by 15 ft asphalt rectangle, like Sooners storming the Oklahoma countryside, or a flag on an Iwo Jima hilltop.

Why are the chairs here and how, being left unattended, have they withstood the temptations of many Philadelphians to move them or smash them into unrecognizable pieces? Philadelphia, along with many Northeast and Mid-Atlantic cities, experienced one of the harshest winters ever last season, as record-obliterating snow totals crippled the region.

Kevin Graham, 52, a lawyer in University City, owns one set of these chairs. He claims that the extreme winter last year gives him the right to this spot for at least a year. The chairs are his marking, his Nike swoosh.

"How quickly everyone forgets about all those blizzards we had last winter," Graham said with a slightly raised voice, adding that he was born and raised in the city. "In February, I was in the hospital for a week with back spasms after carving out a space for my Honda Civic from all that snow. I drive daily to work and so this spot is mine until December 2010. It's as simple as that."

One set of parking-spot-saving chairs includes a rubber band-fastened note (pictured above) explaining the reasoning behind the placement: "I shoveled this spot last winter." The short, simple sentence is supposed to make those who pass, in automobiles seeking a place to rest, say, "Oh, that person worked hard seven months ago, so he or she deserves this sacred pasture."

The chair's partner features taped and laminated pictures from the winter wonderland that was December, January and February of '09-'10 (pictured below), to better reinforce--and prove--this point.

Graham's and his like minded neighbors' reasoning is not understood by most on the block. The three spot-saving families have been castigated by the community.

"I busted my butt too last February, just look at these blisters," shouted fellow block neighbor Marsha Vanderslice, turning her calloused, raw palms skyward. "You don't see me saving a space on the street. The only time I ever LEGALLY held one was when I moved here ... 12 years ago. The limit is one week after a snow storm. ONE WEEK!"

"I called the city," said Ben Stevenson, another neighbor. "Guess what they said? They said that he's got every right to claim that spot as long as he can prove that he shoveled it out. When I asked if they knew it was August, they transferred me to the fix-a-pothole helpline."

CAP'N CRUNCH to feature commerative box once oil spill is permanently capped