A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Scoreboard operator taken to hospital as Portuagal scores seven goals
Cape Town, South Africa--The soccer match between Portugal and North Korea earlier today turned into a lopsided, record-setting victory for the European team. Portugal prevailed, 7-0, making a strong statement not only to the rest of Group G but to the entire World Cup field.
Forgotten during this impressive display of offense was the only reported injury from the game. An injury that occurred high above the field.
Green Point Stadium's scoreboard controller, Marc Jensen, 28, of Bellville, South Africa was taken to Cape Hospital shortly after Portugal scored its fourth goal. Doctors expect Jensen to make a full recovery mentally, but feel it is highly unlikely that he will ever walk again. His days of working soccer scoreboards may be over.
"This was pretty traumatic for Marc," said Doctor Sven Thompson at a press conference in the hospital's lobby. "That flurry of goals at the start of the 2nd half was unlike anything he had ever seen. He's a warrior, though, so I wouldn't be surprised if he battles back to the booth one day."
Jensen had risen through the competitive ranks of scoreboard operating rather quickly. He became the youngest operator in South Africa at the age of 25 and was named Scoreboard Operator of the Year in 2008 by FIFA.
"This was his first World Cup," said Don Van Honen, Jensen's longtime mentor. "He's just a kid. After Portugal scored their third goal he contacted me by walkie talkie. He said,'Don, I've never seen a team score more than two goals. What do I do? Get up here. Quick!' He was so scared. By the time I made it to the booth he was passed out on the floor. There was urine everywhere."
Jensen's Facebook page displays pictures of him diving with great white sharks off the coast of South Africa, base jumping, skydiving and climbing steep mountain faces. "This was just too much for him," said Steph Jensen, Marc's mother, about seven goals in a soccer game. "Just too damn much."
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