Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Empire State Building placed atop new Dubai superscraper

Cell tower atop new building providing much of planet with cell service.

Dubai, UAE--The world's tallest building (and structure) officially opened yesterday in this small Middle Eastern country along the shores of the Persian Gulf. The Burj Khalifa, formerly known as the Burj Dubai, pierces some 2,717 feet into the sky. And the veiws? Well, the views are astounding.

"Mommy, mommy, I can see Abu Dhabi," shouted an excited Timothy Greenway, 10, visiting with his family from Chicago, IL, after spotting Dubai's neighboring emirate some 80 miles to the west. "I can also see parts of Ras Al-Khaimah. This is sweet."

So excited was the youngster that he called his grandparents back in the U.S. to brag about the sightings, a relatively simple task that would have been impossible without ... a spire cell antenna.

The building's architects, Gelkin & Associates of Berlin, Germany, initially called for the standard double-steel, cross-braced spire/antenna to grace the top, but were admittedly uncertain about compromising the aesthetics. Many Dubai government officials and citizens echoed concerns for preserving the beauty of the building, despite the fact that, at 2,700 ft, details will be indiscernible from ground level.

The grand idea came from one of the site's construction workers, when, half-joking, he suggested to his supervisor to "look to New York for a beautiful spire." The idea to cap the Burj with the Empire State Building found its way up the ranks and was, obviously, well-received.

"We needed a beautiful spire that doubled as an antenna and so we called Michael Bloomberg about the availability of the building and he was all, 'this would be great marketing for New York City,'" said tower official Halid Damascus. "We purchased the ESB and moved it here for only $200 trillion. I had that in my pocket."

"It makes for a great little ornament, don't you think?" said building designer Helmet Von Brugge. "The ultimate 'star on the tree.'"

Like most of the planet, the Emirate has hit hard economic times recently and believed that acquiring and moving one of the most well-known structures in the world to the peak of the Khalifa would lend the project credibility and lure pensive, would-be tenants.

Desperately trying to market the struggling region the developer felt a water slide cork-screwing down the side of the entire building--as suggested by one emirate--was tackier than ... an indoor ski area. Not only will the Empire State Building make a name for the Burj, but it will provide cell phone service to 78 percent of the world's population.

Though successful in New York, Dubai was unsuccessful in acquiring Toronto's CN Tower, in addition to the ESB, but, undeterred, will build a life-size model of the needle in the lobby of the new building. Stacking the CN Tower on top of the ESB would have provided the final 22 percent of the world with cell reception.

"We thought maybe we could place two of North America's most famous structures at the top, but it didn't work out that way," said Damascus. "But I always have five bars on my mobile phone. Which, I guess, is what really matters."

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