Monday, September 15, 2014

Report: Eagles team bus caught in Indy's Monument Circle for hours

The veteran driver was unable to merge in any direction during countless laps around the busy traffic circle at the center of town.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Only three separate spans to be ready for Schuylkill River Boardwalk grand opening

Revelers celebrating the "opening" of the 2,000 ft walkway will be shuttled to and between the non-adjacent spans by boat. Bicycles WILL be allowed to make the trek.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Tip Top Nails Station? Market East naming rights came down to Jefferson, local nail salon

Market East Station will be renamed Jefferson Station after the hospital located only two blocks away from the busy Center City regional rail stop. Other strong candidates for naming rights included: Wells Fargo ATM, Four Seasons Nail, Le Nails, and Lady Foot Locker.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

9,999 Villages? One village decides to 'test waters, head off on own'

Fair trade handmade gift shop frantically searching for replacement village to keep name intact. "We just think it's time we did our own thing," said a village representative. "It was an amicable separation...sort of."

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Developers vague about how residents will access condos atop billboard

Above: New plans for 205 Race Street include "several" residential units high atop a controversial billboard across 2nd Street in the shadows of the Benjamin Franklin Bridge. This would be the first residential billboard project in the United States and only the fourth in the world. When asked how residents would access the billboard condominium units, the developer replied, "Very carefully. Like, we mean, very carefully." If the billboard access ladder is to act as the main entryway for residents--a logical assumption--city officials would like to see rungs placed every six to eight inches for improved ascent and descent safety. "Having more rungs on the pole ladder will make moving furniture into the building much more pleasant," said one official.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Dunkin' Donuts kiosk opens inside Center City Dunkin' Donuts

Philadelphia--A Dunkin' Donuts inside a Dunkin' Donuts? This is exactly what a java-seeking patron will find on the 1600 block of JFK Blvd in the city's bustling office district. The new downtown doughnut kiosk is the nation's first located within a Dunkin' Donuts store--most are found in airports and malls. The Massachusetts based coffee chain is expanding rapidly in the Philadelphia area, quadrupling the number of locations over the past fifteen years from a scant 25,000 in 2000 to over 100,000 by early 2014. (The company would not comment on the number of new DDs opened since January, but the city estimates it at around 15,000--for a total of 115,000.) There are 48,236 DDs in Center City alone. "We wanted to expand without expanding," said Dale Hightower, chief financial officer at Dunkin' Donuts. "Does that make sense? We can expand and offer lower franchising fees without growing our real estate holdings or rents. This is very innovative stuff." The kiosks will be independently owned and operated from the host Dunkin' Donuts store. The company also acknowledged there are times during the business day when coffee/doughnut demand is so overwhelming that a supplemental kiosk will ease the strain on host store employees. After the first week of business some customers reported feeling confused by the new stand emblazoned with the bright DD logo. "I walked in and the people at the kiosk were waving me toward them, but so too were the employees at the counter of the store. It was very ... odd," said Sarah Beckner of East Falls. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Outdoor moviegoers miss ending of 'Up' after helium-filled, inflatable movie screen drifts into the night sky

"It was only supposed to rise about ten feet off the ground," said a movie screen rental employee. "It was a publicity stunt that went very wrong. Please keep your eyes out for a large, inflatable movie screen, last spotted floating southwest."

Friday, July 18, 2014

World Cup: New Bus Rapid Transit (BRT) system debuts just in time for all-important weekend after major soccer tournament ends

"It was a nail-biter," said Adao Juan Felipe, Brazil's deputy of transit infrastructure. "We really pushed, we didn't think having the BRT completed in time for the weekend after the World Cup ended was feasible. It's a credit to all involved."

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Urine from fearful thrillseekers provides needed water for world's tallest water slide

"We don't need to pump water to the top in order for the rafts to glide down the slide," said Kansas City, MO, water park official Tom Loughlin. "The urination caused from the fear and anticipation of the ride provides enough water for the inflated crafts to smoothly negotiate the steep descent. It's been a fabulous, and, honestly, unexpected cost saver."

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

World Cup: FIFA pressuring ESPN to release percentage of Brazilian rainforest razed to construct eloborate Rio set

Some scientists estimate, simply by viewing the many broadcasts, that the sports network felled up to 35% of the country's jungle canopy to provide the materials for the "Beautiful Set."

Thursday, June 26, 2014

World Cup: U.S. tennis great Andre Agassi embracing head coaching role with Chile

"I am grateful for the opportunity that the people of Chile have given me," said retired American tennis star Andre Agassi, current head coach of Chile's men's national soccer team. "[Chile] took a chance on a guy that knows nearly nothing about soccer. I mean, I know the whole 'don't use your hands thing.' The team has really embraced my idea of training while gripping a tennis racket. Yep, that's all we do is play tennis using a soccer ball. But, looking at our performance in this World Cup, I'd say it's working." 

Monday, June 23, 2014

World Cup: ESPN's new soccer ball cameras forcing television viewers to take motion sickness medication

Dramamine purchases every remaining commercial slot for conclusion of tournament. The sports network claims that if players were striking the eight-pound ball correctly, there would be "zero spin," and, thus, a "much more enjoyable experience for the home audience."

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Concert goers spend entire performance avoiding beach tag checkers at renovated, sandy Festival Pier

At one point during the concert the entire audience entered the Delaware River--scaling a chain link fence in the process--in an effort to avoid paying the $14/day beach tag cost. "I had to go to the bathroom anyway," said one reveler.