Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Scheduling conflict: Andrea Bocelli concert to be played between 2nd & 3rd periods of Stanley Cup Final game 3

San Jose, CA--After eighteen hours of intense negotiations, recording artist Andrea Bocelli and the NHL's San Jose Sharks came up with a compromise to the scheduling conflict at the SAP Center for Saturday, June 4. Bocelli is scheduled to perform at the nearly 18,000-seat arena on this night, but the deep playoff run by the Sharks into the Stanley Cup Final--their first-ever appearance--now has the team hosting the Pittsburgh Penguins on the same date. The two sides have agreed to both play in the center on the same night. At the conclusion of the second period, hockey fans will exit the building to make way for Bocelli concert ticketholders. The Italian tenor will play for thirty-five minutes, then, after a likely extended encore, the SAP will be emptied again for Sharks fans to re-enter for the third period. "It will probably be about an hour and fifteen minutes of intermission time," said one nervous NHL official. "It's going to be tricky, but we'll pull it off."

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Villanova Champs: University brought in 'around 30' older model BMWs, Porsches, Land Rovers for students to turnover

The university worked with state and local police to bring in older model luxury cars for students to flip over in case the men's basketball team captured the national championship on Monday night. The university also offered a 2-hour course on Sunday covering how to safely overturn a vehicle. (The course was non-credit.) "We wanted safe celebrations," said one school official. "It was a huge, safe success."

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Sixers announce 'Tank' Night for March 17

Philadelphia--The Sixers announced the latest addition to the 2015-16 promotional schedule at the Wells Fargo Center will take place on March 17, versus the Washington Wizards. No, not green backboards or green rims to celebrate St Patrick's Day. Rather, to mark the 32nd anniversary of the release of the critically acclaimed film Tank, the Sixes will hold "Tank Night." On March 16, 1984, Tank hit the big screen featuring stars: James Garner, C. Thomas Howell, Jenilee Harrison, Shirley Jones, G. D. Spradlin, and James Cromwell, to name a few. The film received thirty-seven Oscar nominations, and took home thirty-six statues. All fans ages fifteen and over will receive a C. Thomas Howell 76ers jersey. The actor will take part in the ceremonial jump ball to begin the game by tossing the ball from the turret of a 1944 Sherman tank at center court. At halftime, 600 lucky fans will have the chance to help pull the 30-ton, WWII relic the length of the court via steel cable. The team also announced that to "fire up the crowd" during the game, the Jumbotron will show the movie clip with C. Thomas Howell saying. "He's my dad, and I love him. And if anyone tries to hurt him...I will blow them away." ("Sixers" will be dubbed over "dad.") Jenilee Harrison and Jennifer Garner--no relation to James--will launch "Sixers Tanking" t-shirts into the crowd throughout the first and third quarters.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Super Bowl: Kayakers already claiming positions on waterway next to Levi's Stadium

Santa Clara, CA--The narrow, shallow San Tomas Aquinas Creek runs adjacent to Levi's Stadium at the southern end of San Francisco Bay. It is often called McCovey Cove South (Montana Cove has not caught on yet), referring to the part of the bay beyond the outfield wall of AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants, where watercraft enthusiasts gather during the local nine's home games. Despite its small size, the San Tomas Aquinas Creek is expected to host hundreds, if not thousands, of kayakers on Sunday for Super Bowl 50. "I don't know," said Gary Mateo, a San Jose resident and 49ers fan, "what if a football is kicked or passed over the stands or something and into the creek? I want to recover that ball." The view from the creek's surface is not great, but water-loving fans meet just south of the Tasman Dr. overpass for many 49ers home games. "I come with my stand up paddle board for every game--standing gives a little better view of the Field of Jeans," said Mark Dallas, a programmer from Redwood City, CA. "I have recovered four home run balls in McCovey Cove. Now ... I want a football." One football fan will use a crane to lower a pontoon party boat into the creek on Saturday morning. "I can't wait. I confirmed the crane yesterday and I went food shopping this morning. I'm set," said the Oakland Raiders fan who would not give his name. "However, I do need a fishing net to recover any footballs that come our way."

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Report: Temple seeking to partner with Oakland Raiders on 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium in North Philadelphia

North Philadelphia--Several transit riders spotted Mark Davis exiting the Broad Street Subway at the Cecil B. Moore Station yesterday on the Temple University campus, where a man standing on the platform in a dark suit held a sign that read, "M. Davis." The two quickly climbed into a waiting Cooper Mini limousine at the surface and drove north on Broad St. Davis is the majority owner of the Oakland Raiders, son of legendary late owner, Al Davis. The Bay Area team team is looking for a new stadium, and a recent proposal to return the organization (as well as the Chargers) to Los Angeles is apparently dead. Yesterday, Temple officials half-heartedly denied reports that the university was looking to partner with the Raiders on a 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium at the center of campus (map above). "[Temple] loathes the situation at the Linc, so why would we seek out another NFL team?" said one school official, referring to the current lease agreement with the Eagles in South Philadelphia at Lincoln Financial Field. The report also hinted that a retractable roof is desired--by a certain school president--to make Temple a legitimate candidate to host future Super Bowls. Notes: The new Snohetta-designed library may be located at the site of the former William Penn High School. The planned expansive campus green will be located in Fairmont Park.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Contract requires Kelly to wear jeans during 49ers home games

Updated Levi's Stadium agreement calling for entire coaching staff to sport Levi's new skinny jean style.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Year in Review: Mike Piazza talks baseball, infrastructure at Route 23 bridge ribbon cutting ceremony

Schuylkill Township, PA--In early October, the Route 23 bridge over the Pickering Creek opened to automobile traffic after nearly five months of reconstruction. A throng of celebrities and politicians attended the highly anticipated opening of the span, which carries 20,000 vehicles a day. Schuylkill Township's own Mike Piazza, the 12-time All-Star retired MLB catcher, gave the keynote speech at the opening ceremony. "Bridges are like a close play at home plate, they are crucial to communities. Bridges are like an intentional walk, they unite towns. Bridges are like a slider in the dirt that you block to prevent the runner on third from scoring the go-ahead run. But, most importantly, bridges, like baseball, bring us all together," said Piazza, to an estimated crowd of 2,500 onlookers, some sitting on folding chairs atop the adjacent Pickering dam. Former Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell lauded the new bridge, then led the lively crowd in the Philadelphia Eagles fight song: Fly, Eagles Fly. Movie director M. Night Shyamalan, who filmed portions of "The Happening" less than a mile east of the bridge in 2007, called the project a great addition to northern Chester County's infrastructure. (Shyamalan is making a documentary on the reconstruction of the bridge that he claims is "way better than 'The Happening' and has a surprise ending.")

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Year in Review: Demand for Papal visit bike share passes crashes Indego website

Above: The Indego bike station on the 900 block of Chestnut Street in Philadelphia. In July, high traffic volume crashed the Indego bike share website during sales of the special Papal Pedal Passes. The passes allowed access to the 600 bicycles in the system, but only ten of the sixty stations during the Pope Francis visit on September 26 and 27. "Bikes did not stop at every station. Parking at the stations was limited so bike users were dropped off or took a shuttle to the stations. Passes were only good for the name of the station printed on the pass," said one official. The website was restored after one week giving the public a second chance to claim one of the 350,000 available Papal Pedal Passes. 

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Holiday party guests definitely noticed Sixers ornament on lower branch at back of tree

"I moved the ornament before the party started, but I think everyone saw it. I heard people whispering," said one party host.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Report: Bear Grylls offered Drew Brees tips on how to catch, eat animal mascots from 2015 schedule

Pelican Reef, LA--New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees appeared on the outdoor adventure television series "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" in early September in the Panama jungle. The British adventurer Bear Grylls and Brees teamed up to catch and eat a crocodile in the wild during the episode. At the conclusion of filming, Grylls insisted on to breaking down the Saints upcoming schedule to see what animal mascots the team would face. "[Bear] really got into it," said Brees. "He sat me down and went week by week through the schedule, and if the opponent was an animal mascot he spent, like, an hour on how to catch and eat that animal in the wild if the opportunity were ever to present itself. It was a little disturbing."

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Report: WMOF turned down millions to have PayPal as official sponsor of event: The PayPal Visit

WMOF officials wanted the Holy Father's visit to be known as the PayPal Papal Visit, but the online payment company held firm with PayPal Visit--negotiations broke down.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Valley Forge Park to begin country's first tick tagging & tracking program

Valley Forge National Historical Park, PA--A radical wildlife tracking program is set to begin later this month at the 3,500-acre park that straddles the border of Montgomery and Chester Counties. On August 27, scientists will begin catching, tagging, and releasing hundreds of ticks to better understand the park's expansive population of parasitic arachnids. "We want to know their movements, what animals and people they're mostly attaching to, what they eat," said tick expert Joanna Petrick, a professor at nearby Tredyffrin University. Technology has made this groundbreaking study possible, which is mostly being funded by a grant from the American Revolution Foundation. After catching each tick, a "microscopic tracker"--five times smaller than the diameter of a human hair--will be affixed to the back of each tick. One nearby resident, a financial adviser with no knowledge of the park's fauna, estimates the tick population at around five billion. "I'm basing that number on nothing other than there certainly seems like there are five billion ticks in Valley Forge Park," said the resident. Kids can log onto the park's website and track their favorite ticks, as staff will name the first one hundred tagged and released.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Mayor insists that ad to 'come celebrate town's 241st Fourth of July parade' is no typo

"We declared our independence on July 4, 1774. Yep, we were the first--and actually had an elaborate parade that day--but it cost us dearly. About half the town was shot down by the creek the next morning."

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Nautical revelers very confused as Tall Ships Festival simply a model ship exhibition

"I thought they were going to be full-size ships, not models," said Dennis Harris, a Medford, NJ, resident. "I paid $85 for a 90-minute Delaware River cruise aboard a tall ship. How does that work? It's not the Small Ships Festival"