Saturday, March 31, 2012

Lottery officials investigating one of three winning tickets in record jackpot

Baltimore, MD--Mega Millions Lottery officials have called upon expert lottery fraud investigators to analyze one of the winning tickets (pictured above) from yesterday's record $640 million jackpot prize. Winning tickets were sold in Illinois, Maryland and Kansas, and the authenticity of one of these tickets--officials are not saying which one--is being seriously questioned.

"It looks like notebook paper to me," said Mega Millions official Jeff Constantine, when asked what made the multi-state lottery take a second, third, fourth and fifth look at one of the three winning tickets. "I can't say definitively until we get the notebook paper official test back. Also, Mega Millions is not a hyphenated word, but that could have been a printing error on our part."

Another lottery official commented: "The numbers almost look handwritten, but there's also a chance that they are not handwritten. What stood out to me was that one of the numbers is crossed out. There is something very odd about that. However, it is crossed out so well that it could just be a computer glitch."

Some officials are embarrassingly impressed by the craftsmanship of the ticket. "If it is fake it's one of the best forgeries that I have ever seen," said Gail Leopold, an independent lottery fraud consultant with Cooper-Sinclair. "At the top it has 'Official Ticket', which, to me, means it's an official ticket. Plus, all of the numbers are correct. It's going to be very difficult to deny this winner a claim to over $200 million."

A decision to split the winnings two ways or three ways should be made by Monday.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Manning confident larger Denver market key to landing endorsement deals, 'getting name out there'

Star quarterback claims Indianapolis' smaller market restricted his ability to secure endorsement deals. 'People will know who Peyton Manning is now.'

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lehigh overcomes 'disturbing' number of consonants in defeating Krzyzewski

Mountain Hawks' coach shouted consonants at players during practice all week; had fans wear t-shirts with single, large consonants.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

N.B.A. moving closer to implementing center court jump ball after each basket scored

New York--The N.B.A. is on the doorstep of adopting several new rules beginning, perhaps, as early as this year's playoffs. First, a jump ball at center court will follow each basket scored. No longer will the team scored upon inbound the ball from the baseline to restart play. "It's something we should have done years ago," said commisioner David Stern. "It will lengthen the game by, on average, three hours to allow for more advertising." Second, players will be permitted to celebrate after each basket (below)--much like hockey does after each goal.

Embarrassed bomber jacket maker drops 'unintentionally offensive' Susan Boyle ads

Company and singer admit it sounded much different on paper.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Report: College students increasingly using stapler for single sheet of paper

New York, NY--A recent report by Cooper-Sinclair shows college students across the county are using staples to egregiously fasten a single sheet of paper. "I staple single sheets of paper all the time," said Rebecca Martin, a sophomore at Livingston University in Prendinbury, NJ. "Really, I paid for those staples with my tuition, so whether I have one sheet or 12 sheets of paper I'm going to use the stapler." Livingston University officials say the practice of stapling lone pieces of paper is growing in popularity across their suburban campus of 3,400 students. "I staple single sheets because it tells the world that I don't give a shit," said Brandon Wheaton, 21, a junior. "It says, 'World, your in my world now World.'" Others echoed Wheaton's reasoning:"When I hand in an assignment that is one single paper and I see that staple on the top left, it says, 'We play by my rules, my laws and my world, ironically, is lawless," said Gina Donnelly, 25, an undecided third-year senior. Whatever the reasons for stapling, Livingston U. is desperately attempting to combat the trend with paper clips.