Saturday, December 28, 2013

Year in Review: United Artists, Fox, NBC, MLB, PGA say no thank you to content appearing on Eagles' playcall signs

Eagles forced to pay millions of dollars to use the copyrighted material when signaling plays from the sideline. "It's well worth it," said team owner, Jeffrey Lurie. "Absolutely worth it." (United Artists claims image from Rocky on signal card gives away ending of film.)

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Family 'sort of annoyed' that soldier planned no elaborate surprise return for the holidays

"We picked him up at the airport after he sent us an email about a week ago that he was coming home for Christmas," said the soldier's father. "I mean, I'm thrilled that he's home, but, c'mon, put some effort into your arrival, man."

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Year in Review: Temple Univ. cuts 7 sports to ease relocation process of main campus to Indiana

"Yep, we're moving the University to Indiana," said Temple University president Neil D Theobald, a Midwest native and recent Hoosier resident. "We're trying to lighten the load of the move and decided to cut seven sports programs. Now, we don't have to transport all that athletic equipment. Moving is the worst." 

Friday, December 20, 2013

SEPTA restarts construction of Broad Street Trolley after state passes $2.3 billion transportation bill

Above: In August 2012, workers were rapidly laying track for the new Broad Street Trolley Line in South Philadelphia near the stadium complex. SEPTA abruptly suspended the project last year, which will run from Pattison Avenue to Fern Rock Transportation Center when complete--a distance of nearly ten miles--after failing to secure needed funding to continue construction. The financial problem was (surprisingly?) solved after Pennsylvania passed a $2.3 billion (multi-modal) transportation bill at the end of November. "The passing of that bill saved the Broad Street Trolley Line," said Jim Copperfield, managing co-director of rail expansion at SEPTA. "The new line--I don't even want to mention the total cost--will provide a second great option for transit users to negotiate the City's main north-south thoroughfare. It will complement the Broad Street Subway, which already covers the exact same route...but underground. We really needed this bill passed to resume this rail project." Work began on the line in June 2012, between Pattison Avenue and Mifflin Street, where one and a half miles of track were put in place by the end of that summer. The new trolley will effectively replace the former C Bus route, which at one time provided a surface transit option for Broad Street. Not everyone is on board with the plan: "Broad Street has the subway, it DOES NOT need a trolley--period," said PA Senator Allen Bourne. "These funds should be used to provide hourly hovercraft service along the Schuylkill River to ease congestion on the [I-76] Expressway."

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Ice sculptor never once mentioned ice sculpting to Home Depot employees when purchasing new chainsaw

"He mentioned cutting down trees and branches and cutting up old boards, but never once mentioned ice sculpting," said one store associate who happened to be in the audience at a local Winterfest ice sculpting contest where he watched in amazement as the customer carved a block of ice. "Life is always full of surprises--it really is."

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Eagles punter Donnie Jones met with former NFL linebacker Dhani Jones to discuss using air guitar celebration

Philadelphia--Two Eagles players, one past and one present, sat at a small, rectangular window table in a crowded Starbucks on Walnut Street late yesterday afternoon. The sheer size of the two swallowed the restaurant furniture giving the scene a sort of cartoonish quality. Outside the snow had tapered off to mere flurries, but inside the friendly conversation/negotiation was just getting started. "My family and I thought it was time to have a celebration for when I nail a great punt, and the air guitar just seems like a great fit for me," said first-year Eagles punter Donnie Jones. "That being said, I know Dhani's [Jones] thing was the air guitar when he played and I didn't want to just start using it without his blessing. So, I reached out to him about a week ago." Because of very different schedules, the two were unable to meet until yesterday. "I really don't know Donnie at all," said Dhani Jones, the former linebacker, sipping an espresso macchiato. "I really respect that he contacted me. I mean, he could have just started using the air guitar on his own. I wanted to meet with him face to face to see if he was worthy and prepared for the many challenges and responsibilities that come along with performing the air guitar. I'll admit my first reaction was that no way did I want a punter using my move. But, I promised I would at least meet with him...and I'm really glad I did." The two came to an agreement that the punter could use the move no more than three times per game on the conditions that Donnie take two hours of air guitar lessons a week; keep the air guitar tuned properly; and air guitar left-handed only. 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Grinning NFL Network analyst Michael Irvin politely excuses self from set during 'tempting' Eagles-Lions highlights

Later in the broadcast, after returning from a commercial break, the former Pro Bowl receiver joked to a fellow analyst: "I couldn't sit here and watch guys clear lines in Philly." 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

All part of the plan? Temple surprisingly adds men's and women's indoor parkour day after cuts

A day after Temple University cut seven intercollegiate sports programs, board members attempted to appease the harsh critics of the move by adding two programs. This morning, university president Neil D. Theobald announced the addition of men's and women's indoor parkour, along with plans for a state-of-the-art indoor parkour facility. "Yesterday was a difficult day for the Temple community, there's no doubt about it," said a sullen president referring to the elimination of the seven athletic programs. "[Board members] knew there would be a lot of heat for making such a difficult decision. So, today, it is with great pleasure that I announce the addition of men's and women's indoor parkour teams to begin competition in the fall of 2015. We think this more than makes up for the loss of the other programs." The president also made clear that all student athletes affected by the cuts are "more than welcome to tryout for the parkour team." Also during the news conference, the university, surprisingly, unveiled elaborate renderings for a $3 million parkour facility designed by Interphase PK Studio to be constructed in a yet to be determined site on the west side of Broad Street. "I was devastated when I heard the news that rowing was cut," said sophomore rower Jessica Graham. "I am unfamiliar with parkour, but I guess it will be fun to attend those matches or games or whatever you call them. The addition of parkour definitely makes a crappy situation better." It has long been reported that Temple has been "on a mission" to get into the "very lucrative world" of collegiate parkour and the huge television revenue associated with the sport.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

NFL says Super Bowl countdown clock counting up for a reason

The League would not get into specifics, but reiterated that "the clock is counting up for a reason, just think about it for a minute."

Monday, December 2, 2013

Report: Several stores set up 'Customer Fighting Areas' (with referees) on Black Friday

"We want all the fights over the holiday season to take place in our state-of-the-art CFAs," said one store manager. "Preliminary studies show Customer Fighting Areas keep everyone safer and help stores divide select merchandise more fairly. [CFAs] help us manage fights much better."