Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Struggling artist regularly mistakes old lithium battery on desk for quarter

"I'll look on my coffee table or desk from afar and get all psyched that I have enough change for that small bag of chips or a pack of peanut butter crackers from the corner store, and then I realize one of the 'coins' is an old disc battery from my bicycle light. It's totally deflating. In an instant I went from four quarters to three and the chips are a dollar. I really need to get rid of those batteries because this happens, like, once a week," said painter Eliot Smith.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Should dog-friendly, enclosed area with lots of dogs be designated a dog park?

"The fenced-in space has poop bag dispensers, dog water bowls, benches for owners, an area for big dogs, an area for small dogs, artificial turf, a hose, and a bulletin board to post dog-related activities. I mean, let's just call this thing what it is...a dog park. Let's stop pretending." said one local resident.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Cubs give Sosa incorret address on invitation for Wrigley Field's 100th Anniversary celebration

"The invitation said the Wrigley Field 100th Anniversary celebration and festivities would be held at the White Sox' stadium on the south side of Chicago, which I thought was kind of weird--actually, very weird," said slugger Sammy Sosa, a Cub from 1992 to 2004. "But I went anyway, and the Sox were very confused but were glad to have me. They let me sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and "Happy Birthday." I had a pretty good time."

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Happy 100th, Wrigley Field: Cubs announce plans for new Wrigley Dome--The Friendly Indoor/Outdoor Confines

Chicago--Wrigley Dome, a baseball-only, retractable-roof stadium, to be constructed on the present site of Wrigley Field on West Addison Street, will seat 35,000 fans. The controversial project, set to break ground in September, will require the demolition of the historic field and hundreds of neighboring homes. The organization feels diehard Cubs fans will come to love the sleek, artificial turf facility. "This is SkyDome mixed with a pinch of Veterans Stadium, a hint of Three Rivers Stadium, a dash of Riverfront Stadium, a splash of RFK Stadium, and a smattering of Metrodome. It's a super-baseball park created with elements from some of the sport's greatest venues of the past. Sure, we'll keep the ivy on the outfield wall, but it'll be artificial ivy. You know what I mean?" said one Cubs official. The rooftop bleachers will also survive: in the new Cubs Museum under section 214 as a permanent, virtual exhibit. The dome will take two years to complete, during which time the team will play all eighty-one home games at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign's Memorial Stadium--a football stadium to be (sort of) retrofitted for professional baseball. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

PATCO to use train ferry service over summer while both Ben Franklin Bridge tracks udergo reconstruction

Above: A multi-car passenger train boards a ferry in Puttgarden, Denmark. The Port Authority Transit Corporation (PATCO) will use a similar ferry service over the upcoming summer months while the two busy tracks across the Delaware River on the Benjamin Franklin Bridge are shut down for much-needed repairs. PATCO officials say all the details have not been worked out yet, but multiple modes of transportation could be utilized to complete the river crossing. "Going into Philly, we could possibly bus riders from City Hall Station to a waiting train on the New Jersey side of the [Delaware] river, then load the train onto the ferry. Once on the Philadelphia side, unload the train onto refurbished tracks on Columbus Blvd. From here, put the riders onto a second bus that would take them to the 8th and Market [Street] Station," said one official. The transit agency says it "just wouldn't make sense" to simply bus passengers between City Hall (NJ) and 8th & Market Street (Phila) Stations.  

Saturday, April 5, 2014

MLB: Original rooftop bleachers at Shibe Park 'thoroughly' complied with all modern safety standards

Above: Railings and fire exits were "Photoshopped out of the historic 1914 Shibe Park image for aesthetic purposes." A Major League Baseball representative: "Trust me, it wasn't like fans were just climbing onto rooftops chaotically and unsupervised. There was a process: ascend shaky wooden ladders and traverse narrow, unstable wooden planks in the rear of the row home to reach the first level. Then--usually with the help of alcohol--scramble up a fraying rope to hoist oneself up to the top roof level and the awaiting bleachers, which were constructed over the course of a weekend by the homeowner and a neighbor down the street who was recently fired from the local saw mill for stealing wood to make rooftop bleachers."

Esiason: 'Sea section, not C-section. I was referring to a section of the sea to search for MH370. This is about 3-7-0, people.'

Friday, April 4, 2014