A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Fairmount's Bastille Day apologizes for beheading Twinkie the Kid
Fairmount, Philadelphia--Organizers of Fairmount's Bastille Day celebration apologized yesterday for last weekend's public beheading of Twinkie the Kid, the mascot for one of America's favorite snack cakes. Part of the celebration of the French holiday includes throwing some 2,000 Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets from the towers of Eastern State Penitentiary and into packed Fairmount Avenue below. Not long ago, the twinkie almost became the preferred cake tossed over the walls, as the local Bastille Day festival threatened to change snack cakes. Some feel Tastykake put pressure on the organizers to behead the cartoon-like character to show Hostess, maker of Twinkies, who the official snack cake of Bastille Day truly is. The beheading of Twinkie the Kid was meant to solidify the bond between the celebration and Philadelphia's Tasty Baking Company—maker of Tastykakes. If the gathered crowd was unsure of what made up the insides of the Kid, they quickly found out as most were covered in creamy filling as soon as the guillotine's shiny blade dropped. Cream was found as far away as the famous Art Museum steps. "It was pretty frightening for the children. The blade was very, very, very sharp and his arms were still trying to throw a lasso even though his head was in a basket," said one onlooker.
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