Thursday, October 6, 2011

Cardinals seriously mulling Quint's offer to find, catch, kill stadium squirrel

St. Louis--He appeared out of nowhere, startling the Cardinals distraught front office members who had gathered late-night in an empty Busch Stadium conference room to rectify an embarrassing situation. A squirrel (yes, a squirrel) has been disrupting MLB playoff games in this city of 320,000, and the team desperately seeks to put an end to the furry critter's reign of the chalk-outlined diamond. The he is Quint, a famous shark hunter that feels he can transfer his aquatic tracking skill set to the grass and dirt of a baseball field. The team is seriously considering the shifty local's offer. "He wants $3,000 just to find him and $10,000 to catch him and kill him," said Cardinals general manager John Mozeliak. "I don't know, he's a strange guy. He's always hanging around the docks on the Mississippi River." Quint feels it's a fair price: "Good chum doesn't pay for itself, chief."

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