Friday, June 21, 2013

Lincoln Financial Field upgrades: All bathroom stall doors to be replaced with hanging beads

Above: Several Lincoln Financial Field restrooms will get a meerkat-themed beaded/bamboo hanging stall door makeover. All restrooms will get beaded doors from one of over twenty themes.
South Philadelphia--The Eagles are making some changes to ten-year-old Lincoln Financial Field with new HD jumbo video screens, additional seating, better connections between upper-level seating sections, and much-needed relief to the painfully slow stadium entry process. But what has fans abuzz (and the league investigating) is the announcement that all men's and women's restroom stall doors will be replaced with hanging beaded/bamboo curtains. The team hopes the new, significantly less private stall doors will help improve and speed up the bathroom experience for all fans. "I don't mean to sound crass, but you got guys and gals that will literally set up shop when they're in the restroom stalls at the Linc," said Eagles' owner Jeffrey Lurie. "Trust me, I hear stories. We want people to be comfortable but not too comfortable. You know, get in, take care of business, and get out. No checking smartphones or any of that nonsense. We think the beaded doors will speed up the whole bathroom experience by making bowel relievers uncomfortable to the point that they will hasten the whole process considerably. Plus, the doors look really cool. Every doorway in my college apartment in Worcester had them." One NFL executive, who wanted to remain anonymous, said "this is a disaster waiting to happen." We'll see come the fall (literally).

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