A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond.
(All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Sunday, September 8, 2013
NFL: Unused timeouts will now carry over to next game, accumulate over season
New York City--It's a rule change that the NFL has been considering for quite some time now. That is, having unused timeouts from one game carry over to the next game, and, ultimately, accumulate over the course of the entire season. "It has always seemed bizarre to me that unused timeouts just vanish into thin air like melting ice or something," said Roger Goodell, NFL commissioner, making a motion with his hands and fingers that apparently represented a T.O. vaporizing into thin air (or turning into water). "It just seems like a waste. So now, timeouts that go unused will collect during the year and will also carry over into the playoffs." It could mean, for instance, that a team declining to use any of its allotted six timeouts per game during the first fifteen contests could enter week seventeen holding ninety timeouts. This could make for one long final regular season game. There has been some speculation that the idea of carry-over timeouts came from television networks and advertisers seeking to maximize the total number of stoppages to increase opportunities to run commercials during the four quarters of play. "That's absurd," said Goodell, when asked if NBC, CBS, FOX, ESPN, or, even, the NFL Network--the five networks that broadcast NFL games--had some role in the rule change. "[The press] is really something when it comes to conspiracy theories. It's just a very simple, straightforward rule change."