A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond.
(All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, November 21, 2013
China to finally provide 'real aid' to Philippines: Will put on free 'gymnastics extravaganza' for typhoon victims
Hong Kong--The nation of over one billion people was sharply criticized for not launching its state-of-the-art hospital ship soon after Typhoon Haiyan hit and devastated much of the Philippines on November 7, killing nearly 5,000. Many cited the current dispute between the two countries over territory in the South China Sea for keeping the 15,000 ton vessel in port and only pledging $200,000 in aid (while other nations--near and far--donated millions). But the media's censure of the Chinese government quickly turned to praise after the nation decided to hold a free "gymnastics extravaganza" in the hard hit city of Tacloban. "[Chinese government officials] were wrong not to get involved more with providing relief for the disaster in the Philippines," said one Chinese official in an article that appeared in yesterday's The Peoples' Paper of the People. "China will hold an outdoor free gymnastics showcase event in Tacloban to lift the spirits of the millions displaced by the mega-typhoon. Though the event is free, we would still like all attendees to register online and print a ticket and bring it with them to the site, which is still yet to be determined." Filipinos and their government were thrilled and thankful that China "was finally joining the relief effort on the appropriate scale."