Club Provocative refuses to have Carl Weatherstripping

Philadelphia, PA--Is actor Carl Weathers, who also played briefly in the NFL, desperate for cash? The 62-year-old actor, who has appeared in such hit films as Predator, The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang, the Rocky series and Happy Gilmore, says no and that his latest career move is aimed to help the environment. Help the environment? How can Carl Weathers stripping help the environment?

"No, no, no! Eliminate the space between Weathers and stripping, drop an 's' and you have your answer," Weathers said, laughing hysterically. "I will not, under any circumstances, be removing my clothes in front of an audience of ladies for marketing, charity or any other reason."

Carl Weatherstripping, Inc is the name of the actor's newest venture and aims to better protect homes and businesses from the elements, save energy, and, more importantly during the current financial crisis, reduce climate control bills for families and businesses. A reference to Weather's character in the Rocky movies, the product, which comes in multiple sizes, is lined with small caricatures of Apollo Creed punching the air with the slogan: "Punch out that cold or hot air."

The company will be based out of New Orleans, LA and will produce door and window insulation lining that can be used either during the construction phase or, for older structures, to close existing breaches in airy entryways.

"This stuff is great," said Weathers in a very serious tone, standing in front of posters showing the lab coat-wearing actor standing next to six scientists examining a piece of his weatherstripping, beakers boiling in the foreground with a blue substance spilling over the rims. "My home heating bills have plummeted since installing this stuff. My film viewing room has a lot of windows and was always very drafty. No more! Carl Weatherstripping has shut down the drafts. Punched them right out."

In town this week to promote this new brand of insulation, Weathers was spotted at a popular gentlemen's club, and rumors began to swirl that a special ladies night would be held as the main marketing event of the visit. The night, according to sources, would be called: Carl Weathers stripping for Carl Weatherstripping.

The owners of the region's "most important gentlemen's club" have issued a statement regarding Carl Weathers stripping. These owners felt the confusion that ensued after the club sighting of the star from the 1988 action film Action Jackson needed to be addressed.

"Carl WILL NOT be stripping to promote his new product at Club Provocative for a special ladies night," Roger Clifton said, one of the co-owners of the company. "Carl Weatherstripping is a fantastic product, however, Carl Weathers stripping is not. He signed autographs and gave the staff here a thorough demonstration of how effective the product is for sealing a home or business and reducing heating and cooling bills."

All Club Provocatives, the actual structures, have been going green in recent months. Three of the five sites have installed solar power, while two clubs, the Northeast not included, have reinsulated using the latest spray foam technology. All of the clubs have instituted strict recycling programs, even saving plastic #'s 3,4,5,6 and 7, materials not collected by the city or surrounding counties.

"Yes, we're committed to creating greener, more environmentally friendly clubs," said Dave Courtwright, manager of the Club Provocative in the city's Northeast section. "But, that being said, I'm not installing Carl weatherstripping here because its not good for business. It's just ... flat out not good for business. We will insulate with a generic, but top quality, brand of weatherstripping. I mean no disrespect to Carl, he's a great guy."

One club senior manager, who wanted to remain anonymous, said the actor's brand of weatherstripping was the best he had ever seen and that if the product was called, for example, Scantily Clad Ladies Weatherstripping, Club Provocative would be airtight.