Media, PA--A crumpled up piece of paper ricocheted off the rim of the gray, steel Ikea trash can and landed on the burgundy rug, startling the curled up black lab napping in the corner. The ball of blue-lined, 3-holed paper was not alone, it lay in a field of red surrounded by identical scrapped ideas.
Bill C. Turner, 23, is a fifth-year senior at Swarthmore College majoring in mathematics. Though the college is in the heart of the fall semester, which means midterm time, Turner is not studying for his exams, rather, he is preparing for a test of a whole different kind.
The Delaware County native is a diehard Phillies fan and has been planning for weeks to show his allegiance and support of the team by leaving his seat in the fourth inning of an upcoming home playoff game, hopping over the railing and running onto the field. However, Turner feels that his venture onto the grass will end much, much differently than those before him.
"I was devising a plan to actually run onto the field at Citizens Bank Park, avoid security for a length of time and escape," explained Turner about the countless paper balls on the floor and the pencil sketches on the inside. "I kept coming back to the same solution: the jet pack."
What lay on the floor were calculations, including square roots, standard deviations, arc lengths, arm flapping rate per second, fuel weight volume, bungee cord diameters, miniature helicopter torque specs, lift-power of 1200 pigeons, a Domino's Pizza phone number, trajectory predictions and lots of stick figures.
Because fans running onto the field are prosecuted, Turner would not give his middle name or reveal the town where Swarthmore College is located.
"Ever since the tasing incident," said Turner about the teenage fan that was tasered by police earlier this season for coming onto the field of play, "I thought there had to be a better way. You know? I mean, does fan trespassing always have to end in arrest? Can't people just run onto the field and then ... fly away?"
Turner plans to somehow bring a small jet pack--covered with Red Bull advertising-- into the stadium under a large Phillies parka. He admits that the the personal flying device will slow him down once on the field, but, after liftoff, hopes to hover just out of reach of security before taking a "victory flight" around the base paths and eventually exiting the facility by flying over the outfield Liberty Bell.
"And, who knows, I might even make a return flight to Ashburn Alley in the late innings. All that jet packing could make me hungry."
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