A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond.
(All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
New Barnes Museum vandalized with massive, tasteless graffiti
The radical group Citizens and Residents Against Barnes Relocation Association (CARABRA) has denied any involvement. CARABRA's alibi: 'We were all at Carrabba's Italian Grill in Springfield.'
Philadelphia--Vandals struck the brand spanking new Barnes Museum along the Ben Franklin Parkway sometime during the late night hours on Wednesday. The hooligans targeted the south-facing, third- and fourth-story overhanging illuminated facade that runs nearly the length of the museum. Police have no clues and are baffled at how the damage was conducted at such precipitous heights. "We don't even know how the culprits were able to spray paint that high on the building," said Detective Vincent Diagastino, a veteran with the Philadelphia Police Department. "It obviously took some equipment and time to write this and security cameras, unbelievably, caught nothing. No ropes left behind, cans of paint, or ladders ... nothing." The graffiti reads: "The House That Gonorrhea Built." It is a reference to the world-renowned art collection's founder Albert C. Barnes amassing a sizable fortune by developing a treatment for gonorrhea during the 1920s. Barnes used his wealth to collect art and establish an art school just outside the city limits in Merion, Pa. The Barnes Foundation's recent move from its Merion mansion to the Parkway has been a controversial one, but Police believe the graffiti is not connected to the vocal many who opposed the move, including CARABRA. Fundraising, not a gonorrhea empire, provided the primary funding for the foundation's new home on the Parkway.