A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond.
(All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Cabinet bursting with snack foods sad reminder of ArenaBowl party no-shows
Philadelphia--Over a week and a half later, a local man who hosted one of the nation's only six ArenaBowl parties cannot escape the constant reminder of the absolute flop that it was. "I invited, like, 40-some people and only two people showed up. One neighbor came before the game to 'see what's up,' he didn't even know a game was on. Then, another neighbor stopped in afterwards to borrow a patio chair. He didn't even ask who had won the game. So, really, I was the only one at the party while there was actual awesome indoor football being played. Not surprisingly, there was so much leftover food. What do you do with fourteen tomato pies? Every time I open the kitchen cabinet I am reminded of all those who who bailed. What am I going to do with all these snacks?" said Allen Shoemaker, proudly wearing an autographed Tony Graziani jersey. After some breathing exercises and some deep thinking--which included an audible self question and answer session--Shoemaker was almost certain that some of the snacks could be used for his inaugural U.S. Open women's final/men's doubles final party on September 8th. "The Oreos, goldfish and Cheez-its were never opened, thank God, so they should be good for my tennis extravaganza. It's gonna be a blast...er, an ace."