A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond.
(All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Sunday, January 19, 2014
'Omaha...steaks...steaks...Omaha...steaks... Heartland quality since 1917, hut, hut': Steak company pays Manning millions to tweak line scrimmage call
Omaha, NE--Omaha Steaks has reached an agreement with Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning to endorse the steak company during games while calling plays at the line of scrimmage. "During game broadcasts, Peyton's line of scrimmage calls are so audible to the home viewer," said Omaha Steaks CEO, Gary Devlin. "His shouts of 'Omaha' are so clear. We thought what if we added 'Steaks' to the call, and maybe a short description about quality and the founding year of the company. I mean, how perfect is that?" The proposed call: Omaha...steaks...Omaha...steaks...steaks... Heartland quality since 1917, hut, hut. The call order can--and should--be varied so as not to come across as a product advertisement during play, which would go against NFL rules. The 37-year-old Manning will be paid $2.2 million for the remainder of the playoffs, which, the meat manufacturer, distributor, and marketer hopes, includes the Super Bowl.