A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
This time letter omission deliberate and for good cause
In a forgotten corner of Washington, DC's Ellipse (ellipse corner?) stands a rusted, slovenly statue of a little known American general. The 9ft figure was dedicated in 1983 to honor the Vietnam War veteran General Edward S. Ngton (pronounced ngton), a highly decorated soldier-turned-general. The statue's current condition reflects just how far the hero has fallen from the public's thoughts—although, pigeons seem to recall.
This is where the Washington Nationals enter the picture. Last week, at the fault of a uniform company, two Nationals players wore jerseys with the letter "O" missing from the team's name—Natinals. Yesterday, playing against the Phillies in Philadelphia, another letter went misplaced as the team donned shirts with no "I" in the city's name—Wash ngton.
"[Yesterday's omission] was not a mistake," said Pat Ulmer, Nationals director of marketing. "This was done to raise public awareness of the neglected General Ngton statue in President's Park."
The message was clear on the jersey: Wash Ngton. It's a direct challenge to the city of Washington and the federal government to wash, polish, clean or do whatever necessary to restore the lost luster to the general's likeness standing in the shadow of the White House.
"Yes, the government should step in," said Katy Donnbach, 39, a Nats fan from Adams Morgan. "But so too should the citizens of DC. Ngton led the fight for DC government representation for goodness sake."
More than his efforts in the war—Ngton was born in Hanoi and moved to DC at age four—the general is known for his vigorous campaign for the District of Columbia to have taxation with representation.
As it currently stands, Washington, as noted on the city's license plates, has taxation without representation. The District, a federal zone and not a state, taxes its businesses and citizens yet they have no voting representation in either the Senate or the House of Representatives.
Ngton, behind his war valor, fastidiously lobbied Congress to grant statehood to Washington, which would have given its residents their deserved voice. Ngton organized thousands of rallies and was the editor of Dumb Tax, a quad-monthly leaflet.
"This is the reason the statue is holding 50 thumb "tax" in the right hand and one "dumb" tack in the left hand," said Senator Arlen Specter(R), er (D).
"The uniform company did not commit a second error," reiterated Ulmer. "We proudly omitted the "I" for the general. Now let's wash Ngton."
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