FAA bans throw pillows, hypnotists, whale calling cd, hammocks, lazy boys, scented candles from air traffic control towers

Chicago, IL--The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) finally took measures to prevent air traffic controllers from falling asleep on the job. Recently, several airline pilots lost contact with control towers due the deep slumber of several veteran controllers. The agency began an investigation last week. "We were shocked at what we found in some of these air traffic control towers," said Kevin Braston, an FAA official. "How can these people stay awake with leather recliners, soothing hammocks, glowing candles, soft throw pillows and hanging hideaways? And, the kicker, hypnotists would regularly pay visits to these towers with the sounds of whale calling in the background. Passengers lives are at stake here. This is unacceptable." The agency banned all of the above items (and people) from the towers, but, at the urging of controllers, said that playing cd's with sounds of waves crashing on the beach would be okay.