A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Artificial tree farm attempts to capture holiday spirit with allen wrenches
West Coventry, PA—Kelly and Martin Gomez knew they were on to something when their next door neighbor, who fiercely dislike the couple, told them it was a good idea.
"It" is Forever Green Trees, Inc. It is not just a place to buy artificial Christmas trees but an entire experience.
"Jeff, who never talks or looks in our direction, told me that we had a pretty good little idea. This had to mean our idea was big-time," said Martin Gomez, co-owner of Forever Green Trees, Inc., referring to his neighbor.
A 2006 Cooper-Sinclair study showed that 8 out of 10 live-tree buyers would not purchase an artificial tree because of the toxic gases emitted. However, the other 2 out of 10 said it was simply because of the shopping atmosphere.
"People like the idea of fake trees. Actually, most people love the idea. Even as far back as olden days. But they are hesitant because of the store environment," said Kelly, co-owner with Martin.
Forever Green Trees, Inc. is a 200-acre "heaven on Earth" located in the outer Philadelphia suburbs in beautiful Chester County. The fields are covered with artificial trees as far as the eye can see. Every size, shape and color imaginable dot the rolling landscape. Plastic trees with fake snow and some with built-in tinsel are waiting to be given a good home.
"Here, we take the artificial tree and put it in an unartificial or natural environment," said Martin.
Instead of a saw, customers are given two phillips head screwdrivers, three pairs of pliers, a set of allen wrenches (pictured), two flat screwdrivers, a slinky, a rubber mallet, and, if the need should arise, a can of WD-40.
Buyers, much like a natural Christmas tree farm, are given the option of taking a horse-drawn wagon or sleigh to choose a favorite fake tree. There is also a red horse-drawn Hummer, refurbished from a Hummer that was severely damaged in Afghanistan.
Once a family has agreed on a favorite fakey (the term Kelly often uses for artificial trees) the appropriate tool is then chosen from the provided tool kit. Customers also have the option of taking the tree completely assembled, as this makes the tree "stay alive."
"To give it even more of a live-tree feeling many of our fake trees have a microscopic sap-producing device installed in the central pole or trunk," said Kelly. "When customers attempt to assemble or disassemble the tree small bits of sap will ooze through the screw holes."
Roughly ten percent of the trees on the farm are still in boxes, with pictures on the outside, so customers wanting to build their own tree on-site have the option.
"We had hot cyder and everything," said 10-year-old Billy McGonigal. "It took us two hours to make the plastic tree."
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