A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Desperate Cassel to add 'beck' to last name
Struggling Kansas City Chiefs' quarterback Matt Cassel has announced that he will change his last name in an attempt to ignite his sluggish 2009 start. The Chiefs traded for Cassel in the offseason after he led the Patriots to an 11-5 season in 2008. The young quarterback has battled injuries early on, but still holds high expectations even though the Chiefs are rebuilding.
"Starting tomorrow I will be known as Matt Casselbeck," said a confident Cassel. "I just need a change."
The new name should sound familiar to most NFL fans. Matt Hasselbeck is the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks. Though currently injured, Hasselbeck has experienced strong success in the NFL highlighted by the 2006 Super Bowl appearance against the Steelers--a 21-10 loss.
Cassel hopes that the similar name will bring similar success to the University of Southern California graduate and former Tom Brady backup in New England.
Casselbeck will not hyphenate the new addition to his last name like other NFL players have done.
"I decided against the hyphen," said Casselbeck. "I'm just hoping that I can, at the very least, lead the Chiefs to a Super Bowl loss one day in the future."
Reports that Cassel originally wanted to add 'hoff' to his last name are unconfirmed.
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