A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Friday, September 4, 2009
Vick disgusted by treatment of Dallas' scoreboard
The kicking didn't stop. Over and over again grown men were launching objects into its belly like a competition. To make matters worse a crowd looked on with anticipation at the brutality and later the vicious kicks were shown to a wider audience on television.
Sitting in his Waterfront Square condo Michael Vick became disgusted at the "highlights" he was viewing. The Philadelphia Eagles' newest quarterback was sick to his stomach and demanded answers. He wanted to know the facts. More importantly, he wanted to stop the improper treatment of Dallas' new stadium scoreboard.
Two weeks ago during a preseason game between the Tennessee Titans and the Cowboys at Dallas' new $1.1 billion stadium punter A.J. Trapasso struck the egregious video board with punt. Yes, he had attempted to hit the board in warm-ups and was successful, but this time he was not trying and it was fourth down.
"I really wasn't trying during the game," said a smiling Trapasso. "I swear it. I give you the punter's promise."
It has been said that the punters and kickers from both teams gathered on the field during warm-ups and bet each other whether or not they could hit the board, which is 90 ft above the turf. The FBI is apparently looking into the betting that may have seen anywhere from $10-$20 exchange hands, large sums for punter salaries.
So concerned is Vick that he has started PETOLS (People for the Ethical Treatment of Low-hanging Scoreboards). The nonprofit, operating out of Vick's living room, will keep a close watch on the future treatment of the giant video board. With only two paid staff at PETOLS this may difficult to accomplish.
"It's appalling," said Vick. "The way they were using footballs to beat the scoreboard made me nauseous. And the punters all had a good laugh about it, which makes it even worse."
Not everyone has been disappointed by what transpired in Dallas, at least not from what has indirectly resulted from the incident.
"This is what I meant when I said I wanted to see Michael get involved in the community and become active in a cause," said Eagles' owner Jeffrey Lurie. "This is being proactive. This is what I want. Few people know about the brutal treatment of low-hanging scoreboards in this and other leagues and Michael wants to change that."
Vick will be speaking to children in several Philadelphia elementary schools over the next several weeks to warn children about kicking footballs into overhead scoreboards. Lurie hopes to attend several of the meetings and support his fourth-string quarterback.
Though the Dallas scoreboard is the only one low enough in the league to be struck by a punt or kickoff at the moment Vick hopes to keep it that way.
"Right now it's the only board receiving this kind of treatment and I am willing to go to great lengths to make sure it is eventually raised," said an emotional Vick. "In the meantime I want the league to use Nerf footballs in Dallas during punts. PETOLS hopes to pay for those Nerf footballs."
The Virginia native also has reason to believe stadium maintenance crews are using electricity to power and water to clean the board.
PETOLS also plans to ad Tampa's Tropicana Field to it's list of abused stadium accessories. Tropicana Field contains numerous catwalks that are often struck by foul balls or high pops.
"So many people are telling me to slow down and concentrate on one scoreboard for the moment, but those catwalks are being mistreated too and so are the nets behind the field goals," said Vick. "But that's a whole other story."
To make a contribution to PETOLS visit: wwww.petols.corg/what/if/it/was/your/giant/scoreboard
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I hear he's also very active against not eating the end pieces in loaves of bread.
A true patriot, and I hope we can all be a little Vick. I often dream of being a massive Vick to the whole world.
Post a Comment