Beebe, AR--Over 4,000 blackbirds mysteriously fell from the sky on Saturday night in this sleepy, agricultural community 40 miles northeast of Little Rock. As officials investigate the reasons behind the deaths, one resident is pretty certain of the cause, but is working on keeping it quiet. "Oh, it was my new repellent ... for sure. However, I'm not about to seek a patent on this blackbird repellent now," said Kent Vazquez, 67, a semi-retired farmer whose crops were devastated by the birds three years ago, wearing a t-shirt that reads Protect Your Harvest With Blackbird Repellent: An Odorless, Colorless Gas Being Developed By Me (But Keep it on the Down Low). "The Feds are crawling all over this place right now. Apparently, they think it's natural causes. Plus, I may have overdone its potency a bit. It's back to my basement laboratory tomorrow."
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