A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Phillies have no clue who player at end of bench is
The Phillies are moving on to the World Series for the second year in a row, a first for the 127-year-old franchise. The city and team are buzzing and salivating about a possible match up with the New York Yankees and another march down Broad Street.
To accomplish this goal manager Charlie Manuel has tinkered with the roster for each of the two postseason series thus far. The skipper has had to make some tough, an sometimes unpopular, decisions.
One such move is one the manager doesn't recall making ... or maybe he did. One player, uniform and all, sits and cheers at the end of the bench, talks with players, celebrates, but is unknown to the rest of the team.
"I have no idea who the guy is," said manager Charlie Manuel. "Whenever I pass him, or he passes me, I politely give a nod, but that's about it. It can be very uncomfortable at times. If we talk, which is rare, it's often about the weather or college football."
Players and coaches feel too awkward at this point to confront and ask the player his name and so have decided just to act as if they know him and as if he's been on the team all year long.
"Whoever he is I got him real good with the champagne last night," said star Ryan Howard and MVP of the NLCS. "I'm guessing it was a playoff roster addition or something. I don't remember him being here during the regular season, but some players say they do remember seeing him. He's a funny guy though."
The player usually wears a jacket which prevents teammates from reading the name on the back of his jersey. And when the jacket is off the player sits flush against the dugout wall.
"One time he was sitting jacket-less against the dugout wall," said shortstop Jimmy Rollins,"A few of us came up with a plan to drop a bat or glove on the ground and ask him to pick it up to expose the back of his jersey. He had a towel over his shoulder that covered up his name. Someone said they saw an 's'. Not sure though."
Scott Palmer, former local sports television news reporter, is a Phillies ambassador who was in the clubhouse last night for the raucous celebration and was awkwardly forced to interview the player.
"I was trying to avoid him all night, but he just came up to me out of nowhere and put his arm around me and said,'Scotty my man this is the best feeling in the world my good friend. Coming from where I come from this is special. Real special Scotty,'" said Palmer. "I have no idea who he is, but I just went along with the interview trying to keep the questions as general as possible."
Palmer's questions included: How happy are you right now? Rate your happiness level on a scale of one to twelve. How happy is Ryan Howard right now? Rate Ryan's happiness on the same scale. Have you ever used the one to twelve scale for rating? Rate the one to twelve scale on a scale of one to twelve. Tell me about your favorite food or something.
Manuel is unsure whether the player will make the World Series roster but said,"it would be kinda weird without that guy around."
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