A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Phils' snow day proves Golden ... Colorado
The Phillies were informed yesterday at about 10 AM Denver time that the accumulating snow and frigid temperatures would push their Saturday night game against the Colorado Rockies to Sunday. Baseball is a game of routine, but the Eastern Division-winning Phillies seemed to welcome the news to have a chance to explore the attractions of the Centennial State.
After the news the team promptly convened in the lobby to hold a vote about how the unplanned day off should be spent. Each player wrote on a slip of paper an activity idea, folded the slip and placed it into a a shoe box watched over closely by Charlie Manuel. Injured and slumping players were not permitted to participate.
Manuel, hitting coach Milt Thompson and general manager Ruben Amaro Jr counted the votes at the front desk with the hotel manager looking on.
"The players wanted an independent to oversee the tallies so that 'no lame trip was chosen,'" said hotel manager Frank Hollender.
The players and coaches have vastly different interests as the desired destinations included Red Rocks Amphitheater, skiing in Vail, Toronto, the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Yosemite National Park, New York City, Rocky Mountain National Park, Argo Gold Mine and Mill Museum in Idaho Springs, the original Chipolte, skiing in Breckenridge, stay in hotel too cold outside, Coors Brewery tour and practice for upcoming game as it's kind of important.
With only three votes the team chartered a bus to the Coors Brewing Company in Golden Colorado for a tour that most Phillies sampled during the 2007 playoffs. The twenty-five minute drive will end at one of the world's largest breweries with a two-and-a-half-hour walking tour.
"It really was a lot like Laverne & Shirley," said catcher Carlos Ruiz. "There were so many bottles. It was crazy. I mean tons of bottles. I think this is where they did a lot of the filming."
Teammates attempted to explain to "Chooch", with little success, that the late '70's and early 80's hit television show, shown regularly in the catcher's native Panama, was set in Milwaukee, WI.
Players waved to bottlers and canners wearing Rockies paraphernalia who stared expressionless at the passing World Champions. Offers of autographs and photographs with Coors employees and executives were often refused.
"We really are thrilled to have the Phillies visit us," said Paul Coors. "But we have a very close relationship with the greater Denver area, the state of Colorado and the Rockies organization and we wouldn't want to compromise that relationship by ooing and ahhing over the perceived enemy."
As many brewery tours end with samples so too did the Coors tour. Many players admitted to never tasting the Banquet beer and said they would consider buying this line in the future ... for any large banquets they may have.
Brett Meyers purchased three cases of Coors Light to take back to Philadelphia because "these beers are guaranteed to be born in the Rockies."
In second place with two votes was the gold mine in Idaho Springs just off of route 70. Manuel told the team that if all went well at the Coors plant he would consider making a quick trip to the mine.
"I went to that mine back in '97," explained the manager. "It's good mine. A real good mine."
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