Friday, January 18, 2013

Oprah claims Armstrong opened up a 'little too much' during exclusive interview: 'The testicle in the jar on my mantel at home is plastic, I keep the real testicle in a safe in the billiards room.'

Though the interview has yet to air between the troubled ex-seven-time Tour de France winner and media mogul Oprah Winfrey, snippets of the candid talk have surfaced:
  • Remember that marathon I ran a couple years back? Yeah, well, the truth is I didn't even want to run it.
  • "I know this wasn't the question, but, yes, I do have hemorrhoids."
  • "If I could go back, I'd probably change the doping part of my life."
  • "I know it's strange, but I feel like the doping thing is what's gotten me into this whole mess."
  • "But, really, if I was able to go back, that would mean somewhere along the line someone invented the time machine. And, realistically, someone--most likely me--would have gone back and warned the doping Lance that he was gonna get caught." 
  • "The chub rub I experienced on some of the mountain stages of the Tour was awful. I'm talking about major bleeding, chafing."
  • "They can take some of my money back, but they can never take my seven Tour titles away."
  • "I would sometimes dope to get through the long, boring-ass board meetings at LiveStrong."
  • "Kids that wear bike helmets are losers. Yes, even in states where it's required by law."
  • "Trust me, they'll still love me in France. I haven't paid for foie gras there since 1998."
  • "After this mess clears, I want to start an academy dedicated to parkour."
  • "Parkour is the next big thing. If parkour was a stock..."
  • "This whole mess with doping gets me so down that I'll completely forget to wipe sometimes."

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