A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Oden consults Otis
Before Greg Oden came along to bear the brunt of so many age jokes from late night television to the Sunday comics, Otis Nixon paved the way. Nixon, a Major League Baseball player from 1983 to 1999, endured the wrath of the public and the media concerning his aged complexion.
In his first year in the league he was nicknamed "Grand Pappy Nixon" by the New York Post. He was often asked,"Do you regret enlisting in the Army to serve in WWI and missing two years of playing time?" Nixon often laughed at the jokes directed his way and claimed they had no psychological effects.
"I think on some level they bothered me very slightly," said Nixon. "Which is why I want to reach out to the young man in that northwest city."
The young man is Oden and the city is Portland. Nixon feels that he can train Oden not to be affected by the media's iron fist.
"I opened up a clinic that deals with this kind of thing and builds a wall that the jokes simply bounce off of."
Oden decided to meet and has been all smiles since. The two have logged many hours insulting each other about how old they appear and then use Nixon's methods to prevent and ease the pain.
"I call the award winning exercise HUBBER-Hand Up, Block, Breathe, Exhale, Relax," explained Nixon.
A teary-eyed Oden said,"It just means so much to me that he's been there to get my back like this." The two briefly embraced. "I mean, when someone asked me what it was like to have my grandchildren at the NBA draft with me I was upset, angry. Now I put my hand up, block the comment, breathe in, exhale by letting the air out, then relaxing."
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