Eagles' flagship merchandise store to begin selling spectator in-seat urination kits to ease strain on stadium's restrooms

The urination kits, made by Merck, will include tubing and a rubber bladder system (with Eagles logo) capable of storing two liters of the yellow stuff. Units can be emptied in the stadium seating area, concourse trash/recycling receptacles  or designated parking lots. The decision to sell the kit is part of the team's movement to become more green and sustainable, a commitment shown with solar and wind projects currently underway. The expected reduction in toilet flushing will save thousands of gallons of water every season, and help preserve the field view of fans subjected to frequently passing lavatory visitors. The Eagles will not comment on environmentalists' protests outlining the negative effects of introducing huge amounts of untreated sewage to the stadium floor, parking areas, and trash cans. However, the scientists unanimously agree the kits will help conserve the precious resource of water.