A satirical look at the Philadelphia region and beyond. (All stories are fabricated, with no basis on fact.)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Helton talks ancestry
Todd Helton, first baseman for the Colorado Rockies, is in town for a five game series against the Phillies. He is having a decent year for his club batting .318 with 155 hits. After last night's 12-0 romp over the Phillies Helton talked about his very unusual last name. "It is actually of English ancestry. But was originally spelled without the 'H'." Helton said his family dropped the 'H' for two months in 1987, but it confused friends and neighbors. In ancient times there was a machine called a helt and it was used to sharpen stones and to make porridge. "My Great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather used to operate the machine and, because it was very dangerous, would have to call out to coworkers whether it was on or off. He would have to yell,'Helt on or helt off.'" From the yelling of this information the town's people began referring to the man as "Helton." "To this day my family has some of the best porridge recipes," said Todd.
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