Sal Fasano's mustache arrested in steroid investigation

Former Philadelphia Phillies catcher Sal Fasano was asked to turn his mustache over to Police for allegations of steroid dealing. The mustache is accused of providing steroids to all players named in the Mitchell Report since the early 1990's. Names included in the report: Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and Lenny Dykstra.

At first the players denied the allegations out of great fear of the mustache, then admitted to purchasing mass quantities of steroids. The mustache loved the whole world that came with dealing.

"Usually after a purchase we would party together into the early morning hours. The 'stache could put down some beer and was smooth with the ladies, I mean smooth," said one MLB player.

Police raided the home of Fasano on December 13th, only to discover an empty residence. Fasano was tracked to Italy where he has been vacationing and has fully cooperated with the Italian authorities.

"We told him he was in no trouble and instructed him to shave the mustache and mail it back to the States or to turn the mustache over to the Italian Police," said FBI agent, Stan Griber.

Fasano has teamed with the mustache since birth, which made the arrest and subsequent separation extremely difficult.

"And to think this was all going on right under my nose!" said a teary-eyed Fasano.

Covered up by the arrest is all the great charity work that the mustache has done over the past several years. Volunteer work included a baseball camp for troubled youthes in its home town of Chicago to the Trans Lake Michigan Swim benefiting the NHL. The 'stache also acted as the catcher's agent.